This time I was really certain that my scan results would not be good, but thank heavens, I was wrong. This is the only time I love being wrong! While I am so grateful, I did not feel a great sense of relief when Doc O told me the good news. He prefaced it by saying my leg "has a great deal of scaring and the radiologist needs to look at to verify" but he thought things looked fine. That sort of set the tone for me, and I just could not get the fear out of my head. He even asked me what was wrong, and when I told him my concern, he went on to explain he always sends scans on to the radioligist and this was nothing new. For some reason, I just could not get passed it. He told me if they saw anything, I would get a call in the next couple of hours. He did everything he could to assure me nothing was wrong, but I was still pretty scared. Even though the scans started at 7:45, and I was out of the doctor's office by 10:30 I took the day off today. I just can't focus on scan days and usually I do not sleep well for a couple of days before, so I knew better than to schedule an appointment where I had to think. I did have a manicure appointment however! I kept calling Bob from the nail salon and from other places while out running errands to see if we'd gotten a call from Doc O. He was only to call if they saw "something", so "no news" truly was "good news". I guess I was getting pretty paranoid, because I even accused Bob of not telling me Doc O had called and questioned whether he was waiting to tell me when I got home, or even when we got back from vacation in England. Of course he thought I was being over the top crazy, and I knew it. But I could not help but check caller ID when I got home to see if we'd had any calls from Emory Clinic Bob was not telling me about.
The sarcoma just came up out of no where, and I just have this fear something else, even unrelated, will do the same. I still have a lot of fatigue, and by the end of the day I am whipped. Two years ago, I was going strong from 6:30a.m till finally crashing at midnight. I give out of gas so quickly now and that is what is scary. I do try to remind myself that before I was traveling at an unnatural WARP speed, and maybe now this is really normal for a 54 year old. But I do know there is no more sarcoma, so I am good and clean for another three months, and I am really going to try and enjoy that.
I have tennis in the morning -- a little cold, yet we are dedicated. Bob leaves for England Monday, and I go on Thursday. I have tons of work to do before I go so, I have to pick up the pace a bit right now. But as soon as I get on the plane, I am really going to unwind and relax. But I have become a "Crackberry" so I will not quite get away from work while away. That is my own fault. My boss Kendra yells at me (in ALL CAPS) for sending and reading work email while on vacation, but when you love what you do it is not work, right?
I am looking forward to the holidays with our family, and especially enjoying a glass of sherry by the fire with Nanny, Bob's Mom. Bob's kids, Becky, Selina and Andrew will be joining us for a few days the weekend after Christmas. We have plans with friends on "Boxing Day" and of course Christmas with family. Nanny will kick my tail in Scrabble like she always does, but I hope I have gained back enough concentration since chemo to score a few points.
I know there are still a few of you out there reading this, and I am so appreciative. I really am so happy and relieved with my good news, yet I remain a little skeptical. I will have to learn to cope with that. Maybe next year. Oh- that reminds me. I about two weeks when I look back at what I was doing a year ago, I will finally be able to say, "I was back" at work and not have year old memories of being plugged into a machine or tons of needles coming out of me. I can no longer blame failed memory on chemo - that 12 month excuse is done- so now I must fall on the sword and accept all responsibility for my actions I love being accountable again!
Have a wonderful Hannuka, Christmas and New Years. Thanks for being such great supportive friends. I will blog again when we get back and keep you up today. I am cheering up Writing about it helps--even if no one reads it!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Countdown to scans
December 12 is the date of my next scans, both leg and lungs, and the fear is already back. When you have scans every three months, you are barely getting over the joy of clean ones, before you start fearing the next set coming up. If I stay "clean" until July, then they will only look at me every 6 months. I hear from other patients you can relax for a little while longer on the 6 month recall. I hope that is true. Of course I am at the point when I feel an ache from a deep breath or in my leg, I think the sarcoma is back. When I have scans, I am always certain that "this" time they won't be clean. You cannot imagine the amazing relief when they are, but is it hard to not keep prepping youself for they day when they won't be. I am pretty sure I won't be prepped for that no matter how much practice I get. I still am in a little bit of denial that this whole thing every really happened to me anyway. And every day I get further and further away from that awful 2007, it seems like an eternity ago. It was just about a year ago when I came home from the hospital after lung surgery, a pretty miserable experience, and yet probably the happiest day of my life to find out it was not sarcoma in my lungs.
I went to the support group again last night. While being there scares me to death when I see all the new folks in treatment, or the ones where the sarcoma came back again and again, I do think I like going there. Last night I met a man who had the sarcoma in his chest - and since then he has had it removed from his lungs, 3 times - all since 2004. He has had surgery every year, and yet he keeps moving on with his life. The friend I met from my first meeting, Virginia, who recently lost her leg to sarcoma (from the knee), got good reports on her scans. But for Virgina, a"good report" means the cancer that has already spread to her lungs, and is inoperable, has not spread further. She is a delightful, adorable, warm loving woman with incredible spirit - the kind of person you warm up to within minutes. She is a great role model. And there is this older man, with an unusal name that I cannot remember, who always hangs around with us a little and is so upbeat and kind. The other person I have gotten to know a little, Ned, probably in his early 30's is the ring leader of the group. He is the one who got this whole support group started. He sells real estate in "real" life, but when I hear all he does to support our effort and even tries to help Emory raise money for sarcoma research, I wonder how he has the time to work at all. The thing is, that while I went to this group thinking I might be able to help someone else, as it turns out, they are helping me. I realize how lucky I am that it has not come back, but they do remind me, if it does, you can get through it.
I know this probably all sounds pretty depressing, but while I am fearful, I am not depressed -maybe a little anxious but only when I stop long enough to really think about it. Fortunately, work is keeping me incredible busy. I have a lot of things to do to wrap up 2008 and prepare for 2009. If I really kick in and get some stuff done, I can leave for Christmas in England, all caught up, hopefully healthy and ready to enjoy the holiday. Things are good, in spite of all the crazy things happening in the world right now. I have tried to do little Christmas shopping. I love being able to complain about it, because last year I could not even do any of it. What a great problem to have!
I've told you our busy plans for Thanksgiving, and then on to England for Christmas in prior blogs so I will not bore you with that again. I am ready to get past December 12 and whatever it brings and enjoy the holidays. I promise to get back with you when we get scan results in a few weeks.
Have a wonderful, healthy Thanksgiving.
I went to the support group again last night. While being there scares me to death when I see all the new folks in treatment, or the ones where the sarcoma came back again and again, I do think I like going there. Last night I met a man who had the sarcoma in his chest - and since then he has had it removed from his lungs, 3 times - all since 2004. He has had surgery every year, and yet he keeps moving on with his life. The friend I met from my first meeting, Virginia, who recently lost her leg to sarcoma (from the knee), got good reports on her scans. But for Virgina, a"good report" means the cancer that has already spread to her lungs, and is inoperable, has not spread further. She is a delightful, adorable, warm loving woman with incredible spirit - the kind of person you warm up to within minutes. She is a great role model. And there is this older man, with an unusal name that I cannot remember, who always hangs around with us a little and is so upbeat and kind. The other person I have gotten to know a little, Ned, probably in his early 30's is the ring leader of the group. He is the one who got this whole support group started. He sells real estate in "real" life, but when I hear all he does to support our effort and even tries to help Emory raise money for sarcoma research, I wonder how he has the time to work at all. The thing is, that while I went to this group thinking I might be able to help someone else, as it turns out, they are helping me. I realize how lucky I am that it has not come back, but they do remind me, if it does, you can get through it.
I know this probably all sounds pretty depressing, but while I am fearful, I am not depressed -maybe a little anxious but only when I stop long enough to really think about it. Fortunately, work is keeping me incredible busy. I have a lot of things to do to wrap up 2008 and prepare for 2009. If I really kick in and get some stuff done, I can leave for Christmas in England, all caught up, hopefully healthy and ready to enjoy the holiday. Things are good, in spite of all the crazy things happening in the world right now. I have tried to do little Christmas shopping. I love being able to complain about it, because last year I could not even do any of it. What a great problem to have!
I've told you our busy plans for Thanksgiving, and then on to England for Christmas in prior blogs so I will not bore you with that again. I am ready to get past December 12 and whatever it brings and enjoy the holidays. I promise to get back with you when we get scan results in a few weeks.
Have a wonderful, healthy Thanksgiving.
Monday, October 27, 2008
All is well - still
Just a quick note to tell you all is well... still. Life is pretty normal - working long hours and loving it, playing a little tennis and get a little better (slowly however) and loving driving around with the top down now that is finally fall!
I did go back to the Sarcoma Support Group a couple of weeks ago. It was a smaller group, more positive and a much better experience. While most there had reoccurrances, they were handling it well and so very positive, so it was much more enlightening than depressing, as my first experience had been. I will go back next month if I am able.
We reschedule my next scans for December 12 to work within our trip to England for the holidays. Bob will go on December 15, and I will follow him a few days later. Like always, I am anxious about scheduling this trip only days after scans and worried about what I will do if the scans are not good. Even if the scans show something, we would not schedule treatment or surgery before the holidays anyway. But I am or course scared of the emotional side of the whole thing, and how I will handle it all. I know regardless, I would want to make this trip so we scheduled it and both excited about being in England for the holidays.
We will spend Thanksgiving with all my family (and there are usually a ton of us- 50 to 80 relatives) in Birmingham. Then, we will move on to Tuscaloosa for the Alabama-Auburn game. I can't help but remembering where I was this time last year. On October 15, 2007, or so, DocO found 2 spots on my lung that he and my lung surgeon felt were a reoccurance of the sarcoma. I had lung surgery on November 15 and was released from the hospital the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It truly was a miracle (that the spots were an inflamation and not cancer), and I know how lucky and blessed I am. I was pretty uncomfortable for a while, but all ended well. And I was back at work on Christmas Eve!
I can't believe how 2008 has just flown by. In January, it will be two years since my diagnosis. I have come so far in the last 12 months, all with the incredible support of great family and friends. I think they will continue to scan me every 3 months till July, and they may move to 6 month intervals after that. I guess I am pretty supersticious because I am afraid if I quit blogging, the cancer will come back. So I guess I will just blog away forever, even if it is boring (I just love boring!) and there are no readers. I am going to really try to keep this up at least once a month, so if you check in on me from time to time, I will be out here. Hopefully, there will be no news to report, and this will be the dullest thing you ever read!
I did go back to the Sarcoma Support Group a couple of weeks ago. It was a smaller group, more positive and a much better experience. While most there had reoccurrances, they were handling it well and so very positive, so it was much more enlightening than depressing, as my first experience had been. I will go back next month if I am able.
We reschedule my next scans for December 12 to work within our trip to England for the holidays. Bob will go on December 15, and I will follow him a few days later. Like always, I am anxious about scheduling this trip only days after scans and worried about what I will do if the scans are not good. Even if the scans show something, we would not schedule treatment or surgery before the holidays anyway. But I am or course scared of the emotional side of the whole thing, and how I will handle it all. I know regardless, I would want to make this trip so we scheduled it and both excited about being in England for the holidays.
We will spend Thanksgiving with all my family (and there are usually a ton of us- 50 to 80 relatives) in Birmingham. Then, we will move on to Tuscaloosa for the Alabama-Auburn game. I can't help but remembering where I was this time last year. On October 15, 2007, or so, DocO found 2 spots on my lung that he and my lung surgeon felt were a reoccurance of the sarcoma. I had lung surgery on November 15 and was released from the hospital the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It truly was a miracle (that the spots were an inflamation and not cancer), and I know how lucky and blessed I am. I was pretty uncomfortable for a while, but all ended well. And I was back at work on Christmas Eve!
I can't believe how 2008 has just flown by. In January, it will be two years since my diagnosis. I have come so far in the last 12 months, all with the incredible support of great family and friends. I think they will continue to scan me every 3 months till July, and they may move to 6 month intervals after that. I guess I am pretty supersticious because I am afraid if I quit blogging, the cancer will come back. So I guess I will just blog away forever, even if it is boring (I just love boring!) and there are no readers. I am going to really try to keep this up at least once a month, so if you check in on me from time to time, I will be out here. Hopefully, there will be no news to report, and this will be the dullest thing you ever read!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Another year
Yesterday I turned 54. I have never been so happy to get old! Last year, I spent my birthday getting two units of blood and fluids. This year I played tennis, drove around in my new convertible (not far, no gas here in Atlanta), went shopping for new fall clothes, openned presents, and had dinner and football with friends. Last year, getting that blood, along with the incredible support from my family and friends, enabled me to be able to celebrate a great birthday this year. Every day is one to celebrate, but yesterday really was special!
P.S. Bama beating Georgia only had a little to do with it!
P.S. Bama beating Georgia only had a little to do with it!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Great news great scans
After a few sleepless nights, I got great news today. My lung CT scans looked great. What a relief. I go through this every three months. A couple of weeks before I know I have scans, every ache in my body terrifies me. I just knew today I would have spots on my lungs. How, for once, I love being wrong! DocO said I would continue to have scans every three months for 2 years. He asked me today if he had given me a tee shirt yet. I told him I thought you did not get the shirt till you were "clean" and cancer free for 2 years (sounds like it is a 12-step AA program!). He was surprised we had not been together for 2 years yet. With all the wound vac issues, lung scare last year, he thought he had "known" me forever. I just can't wait to get the shirt! If I stay "clean" till next July 16, the shirt is mine! I will just wear it out, and it will be my most prized possession. Bob should really get one too, as he has lived this every day as well. All day long after the visit, I just kept saying "Oh yea!"
We are celebrating by meeting our friend Angela in Navarre Beach tomorrow, for a long weekend. I have not been to the gulf, my favorite place on earth, in almost 2 years. I just can't wait!
I have tennis lessons tonight - one of my other favorite places to be! I have been playing on Saturdays for a little bit. I am not ready for a 3 hour 3 set match yet, but every day gets a little better! I am still working a lot and loving it. I whine a little about having too much to do and too little time, but nothing could be better.
This Saturday, Sept 20, will be one year from my last chemo treatment! This year has just flown by so quickly. I can't believe my hair has been growing for a year! It is still pretty short (and I will keep it that way) and very curly, much to my dismay. Somehow, I have less gray than I did before, but I am sure that will change. I know I am causing a lot of folks to get more gray hair!
The sarcoma support group is meeting tonight, and I do want to try going to that again at some point. It was a little depressing for me last time because I saw so many patients that had reoccurances. I am in too good of a mood to mess that up. I will opt for my tennis lesson tonight instead and go to support group next month.
Life is good! Take care!
We are celebrating by meeting our friend Angela in Navarre Beach tomorrow, for a long weekend. I have not been to the gulf, my favorite place on earth, in almost 2 years. I just can't wait!
I have tennis lessons tonight - one of my other favorite places to be! I have been playing on Saturdays for a little bit. I am not ready for a 3 hour 3 set match yet, but every day gets a little better! I am still working a lot and loving it. I whine a little about having too much to do and too little time, but nothing could be better.
This Saturday, Sept 20, will be one year from my last chemo treatment! This year has just flown by so quickly. I can't believe my hair has been growing for a year! It is still pretty short (and I will keep it that way) and very curly, much to my dismay. Somehow, I have less gray than I did before, but I am sure that will change. I know I am causing a lot of folks to get more gray hair!
The sarcoma support group is meeting tonight, and I do want to try going to that again at some point. It was a little depressing for me last time because I saw so many patients that had reoccurances. I am in too good of a mood to mess that up. I will opt for my tennis lesson tonight instead and go to support group next month.
Life is good! Take care!
Monday, September 1, 2008
a little update
Two years ago this would not be news at all but it is huge to me! I actually played tennis twice this weekend! On Saturday we played just for an hour as I was scared to commit to anything longer not knowing when I would run out of gas. We played for two hours today, only quitting because someone else had to leave. I could have gone a little longer I think. So I am ready to commit to my regular Saturday friendly match again and get back into the routine. I still have a lot of work to do on my game, and I am not racing to get to any balls yet. But so far so good!
We had fun at the Ga Dome at the Bama-Clemson game on Saturday. Football and tennis -- life is pretty good!
We had fun at the Ga Dome at the Bama-Clemson game on Saturday. Football and tennis -- life is pretty good!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A milestone
Today is a day I have been waiting for. I took my first tennis lesson with my team for the first time in about 22 months! In fact, it was this time 2 years ago I first found that little knot in my leg. I continued to play regularly and take lessons until I was too uncomfortable that December 2006. But I am all past that now and back to pretty much a regular routine.
I have a bit of work to do on my game. I had some decent shots but no consistency -- not that I had a lot to begin with! I am still a little hesitant to run after the ball, so I need just more practice and a bit more confidence. That will come with time, I hope. I am ready to try to go back and play my regular Saturday "friendly" match with Susan, Loree and Paula if they will have me. This really is a milestone for me, and I am so excited to be back in them game from many aspects of my life.
I've got scans again in a couple of weeks - Sept 17. These will just be on my lungs. We are going to the beach the next day for a long weekend, and I am really excited about that and visiting with our friend Angela.
I am back in physical therapy working on some stuff with my leg and hip and my left shoulder. I think it all stems from the surgeries, scar tissue and being inactive for so long. It is going well, and I made it through tennis practice without any aches or injuries! Work is great, and I feel like I am pretty much caught up - as much as I can be. There were so many new things to learn and for so long, chemo really affected my ability to concentrate. I think I am past that now, and I can't blame too much more on "chemo brain". No more excuses now!
I hope you all have a nice long Labor Day weekend. We have Cindy and Clyde coming for the first part of the weekend, and we are all going to the Alabama-Clemson football game at the Georgia Dome. Then they "check out" and friend Imo will be here for the rest of the weekend Michael, Michelle, Landon and Elise were here last weekend and that was fun. It is so great to have company coming to visit, and it is NOT because they are here to help take care of me! We just get to visit and have fun. Life is good!
I have a bit of work to do on my game. I had some decent shots but no consistency -- not that I had a lot to begin with! I am still a little hesitant to run after the ball, so I need just more practice and a bit more confidence. That will come with time, I hope. I am ready to try to go back and play my regular Saturday "friendly" match with Susan, Loree and Paula if they will have me. This really is a milestone for me, and I am so excited to be back in them game from many aspects of my life.
I've got scans again in a couple of weeks - Sept 17. These will just be on my lungs. We are going to the beach the next day for a long weekend, and I am really excited about that and visiting with our friend Angela.
I am back in physical therapy working on some stuff with my leg and hip and my left shoulder. I think it all stems from the surgeries, scar tissue and being inactive for so long. It is going well, and I made it through tennis practice without any aches or injuries! Work is great, and I feel like I am pretty much caught up - as much as I can be. There were so many new things to learn and for so long, chemo really affected my ability to concentrate. I think I am past that now, and I can't blame too much more on "chemo brain". No more excuses now!
I hope you all have a nice long Labor Day weekend. We have Cindy and Clyde coming for the first part of the weekend, and we are all going to the Alabama-Clemson football game at the Georgia Dome. Then they "check out" and friend Imo will be here for the rest of the weekend Michael, Michelle, Landon and Elise were here last weekend and that was fun. It is so great to have company coming to visit, and it is NOT because they are here to help take care of me! We just get to visit and have fun. Life is good!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
We're back and alls well
We got back from England on Thursday night. My two weeks there flew by, and while I am always happy to come home, the trip was just too short. We had a great time with Bob's Mom, kids, sister & brother-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts,uncles cousins and close friends. We spent a lot of time visiting, and it was great to catch up with folks. Even though we were just there at the end of the year, that whole trip was sort of a blur for me. You probably remember, I was just a few weeks out of lung surgery, so I did not have much energy then. And while I am still not running marathons, I am so much better than I was 6 months ago. I was really able to enjoy this trip, and since all the test and scans I had just prior were good, that made it even better.
When I blogged a few weeks ago I had been kind of down because of the Sarcoma Support group I went to and all the patients that were there because they'd had reoccurances. Before I left, I went to see Dr. Saba, my chemo oncologist, just for a follow-up. We had the best talk I think we'd ever had. In the past, our discussions were pretty much just him relaying tests results, treatment plans, pretty detailed clinical stuff. This time we had a chance to talk about how I was feeling emotionally and my concern about reoccurance and the support group. He was very encouraging and positive about how my treament had gone and prognosis. While he can't promise me anything, he made me have a lot less fear about the whole thing. I thought this was really strange and had never thought about things this way- he said, "You really had a tough time with the chemo and that probably means the cancer did too." He seemed to think that meant the chemo really attacked the cancer. Also, as I keep reminding myself, the tumor was "more than 99% " dead when they removed it. Something killed it (either chemo, radiation or both) before it left my body. I guess that means the chances that a live cell escaped and is still out there are not as great. So I am going with this and keeping a positive attitude. Doc Saba also told me to not go to the support group if it was getting me down. I want to go to one more of the meetings and see how it goes. My whole intent was to be able to do something for others, and I am not ready to give up on that yet. So I will go the August meeting and go from there. By the way, July 16 was my surgery anniversary! So it has been a whole year since that nasty tumor has been out of my body. My last chemo day was Sept 20, so I have until Sept 20, 2008, to continue to blame any stupid thing I do (and there are a lot!) on "chemo brain". They say that lasts about a year. After that, the stupid stuff is just me!
Bob and I both still have a little jet lag. We are crashing early and waking up a bit early. Actually, I hope we stay in this mode a bit. We both have some "night owl" tendancies, especially Bob. He usually has a later start to his day, and it is really hard for me to get going when he is not up and moving. Funny though - when we got back from England I told him I was going to really enforce the "last person out of the bed makes it up"rule, and he has gotten up before me every day since we've been back. I think we really both get up because we are hungry. If we sleep till 7am our body thinks its lunchtime, and we are usually starving at breakfast. Each day seems to get a little better, so I think we will be back on schedule by Monday. I am traveling most of this week,so I need to get back into my regular routine.
I will try to keep blogging every couple of weeks. No scans till Sept 17. I go back probably next week to followup on my bloodpressure problem but I think things are going ok with that. Thanks for checking up on me!
When I blogged a few weeks ago I had been kind of down because of the Sarcoma Support group I went to and all the patients that were there because they'd had reoccurances. Before I left, I went to see Dr. Saba, my chemo oncologist, just for a follow-up. We had the best talk I think we'd ever had. In the past, our discussions were pretty much just him relaying tests results, treatment plans, pretty detailed clinical stuff. This time we had a chance to talk about how I was feeling emotionally and my concern about reoccurance and the support group. He was very encouraging and positive about how my treament had gone and prognosis. While he can't promise me anything, he made me have a lot less fear about the whole thing. I thought this was really strange and had never thought about things this way- he said, "You really had a tough time with the chemo and that probably means the cancer did too." He seemed to think that meant the chemo really attacked the cancer. Also, as I keep reminding myself, the tumor was "more than 99% " dead when they removed it. Something killed it (either chemo, radiation or both) before it left my body. I guess that means the chances that a live cell escaped and is still out there are not as great. So I am going with this and keeping a positive attitude. Doc Saba also told me to not go to the support group if it was getting me down. I want to go to one more of the meetings and see how it goes. My whole intent was to be able to do something for others, and I am not ready to give up on that yet. So I will go the August meeting and go from there. By the way, July 16 was my surgery anniversary! So it has been a whole year since that nasty tumor has been out of my body. My last chemo day was Sept 20, so I have until Sept 20, 2008, to continue to blame any stupid thing I do (and there are a lot!) on "chemo brain". They say that lasts about a year. After that, the stupid stuff is just me!
Bob and I both still have a little jet lag. We are crashing early and waking up a bit early. Actually, I hope we stay in this mode a bit. We both have some "night owl" tendancies, especially Bob. He usually has a later start to his day, and it is really hard for me to get going when he is not up and moving. Funny though - when we got back from England I told him I was going to really enforce the "last person out of the bed makes it up"rule, and he has gotten up before me every day since we've been back. I think we really both get up because we are hungry. If we sleep till 7am our body thinks its lunchtime, and we are usually starving at breakfast. Each day seems to get a little better, so I think we will be back on schedule by Monday. I am traveling most of this week,so I need to get back into my regular routine.
I will try to keep blogging every couple of weeks. No scans till Sept 17. I go back probably next week to followup on my bloodpressure problem but I think things are going ok with that. Thanks for checking up on me!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
A little update
When last I wrote,, I was in a bit of a funk over seeing so many people with sarcoma reoccurance. I am working to get past that although it is always in the back of my mind. I've been concerned because I a few times each day my energy just bottoms out. I think the hard thing is that I don't know what I should assume is because of getting over all the chemo and what I went through last year, or when something is really wrong. I decided to quit guessing and went to see my family doctor last week. All blood levels were good, but my blood pressure is high. I had that problem before cancer, but after chemo and losing a lot of weight, the problem went away and I got off medication. I did get back on BP medicine a couple of days ago and hopefully my energy level will improve. I am still taking some light pain medication. There is supposed to be no connection between this medication and my energy level, but I know when I take it regularly my energy level stays high. Anyway, I am going to cut back on it and get myself off. Most of my pain is related to bursitus (sp) and a little tendonitus, so I thought. When I tried to cut back on the pain medicine I found, there is still a bit of pain associated with all my scar tissue in my leg and still my rib cage from the lung surgery 6 months ago. While I will probably never be pain free (who is?) it should continue to get better. I see Dr. Saba, my chemo doctor next week just for a little check up. Since my scans were good two weeks ago and my bloodwork fine, I am not sure what it is he is really going to do or look at. But I am not anxious about the visit since there should be no suprises. I am just two weeks shy of the day they removed the tumor from my leg. So, since they got it all and no reoccurances so far, I guess I can say I have been "cancer free" for a year! Every day is a blessing.
Bob left for England yesterday, and I will join him there next week. I took him to the airport and drove on to Warner Robins last night so I would be there for my morning appointment. I had dinner with my agents which was nice, but when I got back to my hotel I was so lonely! You know, I am in hotels by myself all the time. Usually I am okay for a couple of nights. After about the third night I am very homesick, but last night was really unusual. I guess I knew Bob was flying, and I could not even call him if I wanted too and no one was at home. I got busy with some work to get my mind off it, but I was really glad when Bob called at 7:15 am this morning to let me know he had gotten to his Mom's okay. He had been traveling about 16 hours from the time we left home, so I know he was tired.
I have a lot of things planned and work to keep my busy during this next week. My friend Jill from Knoxville is coming tonight till tomorrow, and I am going to visit Syd and her family for the 4th of July. The bad news is that I have not been able to see much of Wimbledon this year because I am so busy (and I saw every minute of it last year) but the good news is that I am well enough to be busy and not at home watching TV! That is what DVR's are for!
I will try to update after the Saba appointment and before I leave for England. Have a great 4th of July! I know my will beat last year's hands down!
Bob left for England yesterday, and I will join him there next week. I took him to the airport and drove on to Warner Robins last night so I would be there for my morning appointment. I had dinner with my agents which was nice, but when I got back to my hotel I was so lonely! You know, I am in hotels by myself all the time. Usually I am okay for a couple of nights. After about the third night I am very homesick, but last night was really unusual. I guess I knew Bob was flying, and I could not even call him if I wanted too and no one was at home. I got busy with some work to get my mind off it, but I was really glad when Bob called at 7:15 am this morning to let me know he had gotten to his Mom's okay. He had been traveling about 16 hours from the time we left home, so I know he was tired.
I have a lot of things planned and work to keep my busy during this next week. My friend Jill from Knoxville is coming tonight till tomorrow, and I am going to visit Syd and her family for the 4th of July. The bad news is that I have not been able to see much of Wimbledon this year because I am so busy (and I saw every minute of it last year) but the good news is that I am well enough to be busy and not at home watching TV! That is what DVR's are for!
I will try to update after the Saba appointment and before I leave for England. Have a great 4th of July! I know my will beat last year's hands down!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Less freaked out
I wanted to wait a couple of days and try to gain a little perspective before I blogged again. The support group was quite shocking for me to see so many folks whose Sarcoma came back. I had to remind myself that the patients who were not having reoccurances did not even know about the support group. And as you get further and further away from treatment you do tend to start seeing yourself seperate from the "diease" and not one of "them". Of course a couple of weeks before the next set of scans, the fear does start all over again. I am still debating whether the support group is a good thing for me. I am going to go a few more times and see how I feel. I do think I do need to get more educated about this diease, and meet some people that may be experiencing the same things I am thinking and feeling. But I do not want it to be all consuming either, so I have to make sure that does not happen.
I am going to go to the "Celebration of Living" program tomorrow that Emory is putting on about cancer. I was not going to go at first, but I started talking to Virginia, the woman I met at the support group, and we decided to meet and attend some of the seminars together. She really seems like someone I would enjoy getting to know, and maybe by reaching out to her, I can help both of us. I have no idea how, but somehow this seems like the right thing to do. I still have not figured out my way to "give back" but maybe developing new friendships with folks going through a difficult time like this ( and something I could go through again myself) will spark some ideas. And it never hurts to have more friends. I am a little afraid of developing relationships and watching some of these people going through horrible times, maybe even death. It is so much easier to stick my head in the sand and stay away from it all. Then I can go on pretending that it may never happen to me. I don't know how much reality I am ready for, but I think this is something I want to do. Please don't think that I have resigned myself to thinking that the sarcoma is going to come back. I have not given up and am still feeling very positive. I am so grateful my scans are good, and I am going to do everything I can to continue to have fun and enjoy my life each and every day.
Enough of all that. Bob and I are getting excited about our trip to England. I have so much to do with work and stuff around the house before we leave. I am traveling a little for work next week and will also head to south GA for work for a day or two when I drop Bob at the airport when he goes to England a week or so before me.
We got a chance to really drive the convertible last weekend. I had gone to Amelia Island for a convention and flew back from Jacksonville, FL last Saturday afternoon. Somehow, a man on the bus I took from the airport to the parking lot, got off the bus with my suitcase and left his. I did not realize it until the bus driver pulled up to my car. Not only did he have my clothes, but he had my car keys too. My purse strap had broken, and I put all purse items in my suitcase. To make it worse, we only have one set of keys to the car I had at the airport (not the Miata). And, the man who took my suitcase did not have a luggage tag on his. It was a whole big mess, but in the end I found the man. He did not live far from us, and I got my suitcase and keys back. Bob had to come and get me, take me home to meet the man with my keys and then take me back to the airport. That is how we got to drive the new car with the top down a lot. It was a cool night, and it made the whole horrid experience a lot easier. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I have really good kharma with "lost" items. I've lost my purse at least 3 times since Bob and I have been married and gotten it back everytime all in tact. Once was at the airport in Brussels, Belgium, and I got it back from the lost and found when we flew through there the following week. Another time in Leicester Square in London while purchasing tickets to the theatre I left my wallet (a big travel wallet with our passports in it) on the counter. Someone turned it in right away. And not long after that I left my purse in a shopping cart outside the grocery store. When I got home and realized it, I called the store and some honest person had turned it in. I was not really suprised when I got my suitcase back easily and totally in tact. I hope I have just not jinxed my whole Kharma by telling you all this. By the way, I have really bad kharma with staplers. If one runs out of staples, and I put new ones in it always jams and break the stapler. I will trade staples for my purse any day of the week.
Take care! I will blog again soon!
I am going to go to the "Celebration of Living" program tomorrow that Emory is putting on about cancer. I was not going to go at first, but I started talking to Virginia, the woman I met at the support group, and we decided to meet and attend some of the seminars together. She really seems like someone I would enjoy getting to know, and maybe by reaching out to her, I can help both of us. I have no idea how, but somehow this seems like the right thing to do. I still have not figured out my way to "give back" but maybe developing new friendships with folks going through a difficult time like this ( and something I could go through again myself) will spark some ideas. And it never hurts to have more friends. I am a little afraid of developing relationships and watching some of these people going through horrible times, maybe even death. It is so much easier to stick my head in the sand and stay away from it all. Then I can go on pretending that it may never happen to me. I don't know how much reality I am ready for, but I think this is something I want to do. Please don't think that I have resigned myself to thinking that the sarcoma is going to come back. I have not given up and am still feeling very positive. I am so grateful my scans are good, and I am going to do everything I can to continue to have fun and enjoy my life each and every day.
Enough of all that. Bob and I are getting excited about our trip to England. I have so much to do with work and stuff around the house before we leave. I am traveling a little for work next week and will also head to south GA for work for a day or two when I drop Bob at the airport when he goes to England a week or so before me.
We got a chance to really drive the convertible last weekend. I had gone to Amelia Island for a convention and flew back from Jacksonville, FL last Saturday afternoon. Somehow, a man on the bus I took from the airport to the parking lot, got off the bus with my suitcase and left his. I did not realize it until the bus driver pulled up to my car. Not only did he have my clothes, but he had my car keys too. My purse strap had broken, and I put all purse items in my suitcase. To make it worse, we only have one set of keys to the car I had at the airport (not the Miata). And, the man who took my suitcase did not have a luggage tag on his. It was a whole big mess, but in the end I found the man. He did not live far from us, and I got my suitcase and keys back. Bob had to come and get me, take me home to meet the man with my keys and then take me back to the airport. That is how we got to drive the new car with the top down a lot. It was a cool night, and it made the whole horrid experience a lot easier. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I have really good kharma with "lost" items. I've lost my purse at least 3 times since Bob and I have been married and gotten it back everytime all in tact. Once was at the airport in Brussels, Belgium, and I got it back from the lost and found when we flew through there the following week. Another time in Leicester Square in London while purchasing tickets to the theatre I left my wallet (a big travel wallet with our passports in it) on the counter. Someone turned it in right away. And not long after that I left my purse in a shopping cart outside the grocery store. When I got home and realized it, I called the store and some honest person had turned it in. I was not really suprised when I got my suitcase back easily and totally in tact. I hope I have just not jinxed my whole Kharma by telling you all this. By the way, I have really bad kharma with staplers. If one runs out of staples, and I put new ones in it always jams and break the stapler. I will trade staples for my purse any day of the week.
Take care! I will blog again soon!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
The best news
Today was scan day -- MRI on the leg and CT on the lungs. I have been pretty much a wreck about it for weeks. I am like a kid with ADD. I was unable to focus on anything very long, restless, anxious, every ache scared me to death.
But I got good news from DocO. Everything looks great and lungs and leg are all clear. The trip to England is on, and I have no restrictions. I see him for lung scan in Sept. I will probably see Dr.
Saba, the medical oncologist, just as a follow up in the next week or two.
But I feel like I went from the sublime to the ridiculas. I went to the Sarcoma support group tonight. I've been feeling like I need to "give back", and this was my way to start. I thought there would be a lot of first timers, and I could be their Queen or something. I figured they'd be in treatment and see me all healthy, tan, happy, working and give them "hope" they could be me in 18 months. Well, who was I kidding? While some of them were new patients, many were reoccurance patience where the cancer had gone back to original site and/or lungs. I went in there feeling like a million bucks and left feeling like an ignorant, but very lucky so far, lady. One person I was particulaly interested in, Virginia, was diagnosed with some sort of skeletal sarcoma 19 years ago in her leg. It is now back in her leg and lungs. She, in fact, had her leg amputated (there were 2 amputees in the meeting.) She was just darling, in outside sales like me, had her laptop, making sales call form the chemo center, just like I was. The spots on lungs have not grown since August, which is good. But I realize now this is never go to leave me. It is always going to be a part of my life and could come back any time. I really am going to make an effort to really live life to the fullest while I can. The bad news was that Virginia had this reoccurance after 19 years clean . Good news is that she so far has had 19 years! I'd sign off on that number today! She has a great attitude and was interesting to talk too. There were others I hope to become friendly with but there was not much time for individual conversation.
So I went from being "freaky happy" to just being "freaked" out. I am gaining some different perspective and will probably blog more soon on that. Thanks for all the emails and calls today. All is well--thanks heavens! Love, Geri
But I got good news from DocO. Everything looks great and lungs and leg are all clear. The trip to England is on, and I have no restrictions. I see him for lung scan in Sept. I will probably see Dr.
Saba, the medical oncologist, just as a follow up in the next week or two.
But I feel like I went from the sublime to the ridiculas. I went to the Sarcoma support group tonight. I've been feeling like I need to "give back", and this was my way to start. I thought there would be a lot of first timers, and I could be their Queen or something. I figured they'd be in treatment and see me all healthy, tan, happy, working and give them "hope" they could be me in 18 months. Well, who was I kidding? While some of them were new patients, many were reoccurance patience where the cancer had gone back to original site and/or lungs. I went in there feeling like a million bucks and left feeling like an ignorant, but very lucky so far, lady. One person I was particulaly interested in, Virginia, was diagnosed with some sort of skeletal sarcoma 19 years ago in her leg. It is now back in her leg and lungs. She, in fact, had her leg amputated (there were 2 amputees in the meeting.) She was just darling, in outside sales like me, had her laptop, making sales call form the chemo center, just like I was. The spots on lungs have not grown since August, which is good. But I realize now this is never go to leave me. It is always going to be a part of my life and could come back any time. I really am going to make an effort to really live life to the fullest while I can. The bad news was that Virginia had this reoccurance after 19 years clean . Good news is that she so far has had 19 years! I'd sign off on that number today! She has a great attitude and was interesting to talk too. There were others I hope to become friendly with but there was not much time for individual conversation.
So I went from being "freaky happy" to just being "freaked" out. I am gaining some different perspective and will probably blog more soon on that. Thanks for all the emails and calls today. All is well--thanks heavens! Love, Geri
Monday, May 26, 2008
Great holiday!
I am really making great new strides. This weekend I finally picked up my tennis racquet. While I only hit for about 15 minutes, it was really fun and I cannot wait to get back to playing. My summer team starts practice tomorrow night, and I am going to try to go down and hit with them some. I don't think I will be really ready for play this season, but I am getting there slowly.
I think I've mentioned that I have been going to the gym and walking about 40 minutes on the treadmill. I have not been trying to get my heart rate up at this point and havebeen working on endurance more than anything. And I have been walking with no incline at all. Sunday morning I was headed for the gym, and it was such perfect weather friend Rita and I decided to walk outside instead. We walked down towards the river and then around my neighborhood which is quite hilly. All in all, it was about a 1 1/2 hour walk and about 4 miles. While that is a pretty slow rate, it was quite an accomplishment for me. After that, I worked in the yard, cleaned some deck furniture, and had friends Joe and Debbie over for dinner. I don't think I sat down for more than 5 minutes the whole day. This was probably the most "normal" day I have had in 18 months. I felt like I was back to my normal "warp speed" weekend (except the walking speed of course). By the time I laid down last night about 10:30 I was whipped and achey, but it felt so good.
And if all that was not enough, we bought me a little convertible today. I have wanted one forever but could never really justify it in my head. I have a company car, and it seemed just sort of foolish. So what do I do -- when the economy is the worst ever, gas out the roof, etc., I go buy an extra car! What the heck - I wanted it. Actually, we have been talking about it for a while but I just kept putting it off. I was scared it would jinx my recovery. I decided a couple of weeks ago I would not buy one until after my June scans to make sure I was ok. Then, since we are going to England in July, I decided to put it off until we got back. The real truth was I was just plain scared I would have a recurrence of the sarcome and would not be able to enjoy it. This week I mentioned the whole thing to fellow sarcoma patient Carol Lynn, who just did have a recurrence and surgery. and she gave me the courage to just live in the moment and do it. (By the way, she is recovering well from her surgery, and I am so happy and relieved for her.) Bob and I went to the car dealership on Saturday and test drove the car. He really drove it the first time around, because we decided to buy a manual transmission 5-speed, and I have not driven one of those in about 25 years. It just seems if you are really going to enjoy a convertible it should not be an automatic. Also, whenever we are in England, we always have an manual transmission car as you do not see a lot of automatics there. I have never driven when we were tin England because not only did I not know how to drive on the "wrong" side of the road, but I was not confident enough to drive a 5 speed. So now I am forcing the obvious. I did drive it today, and I did pretty well. It only conked out on me once right in the beginning, so I am no longer afraid of it.
It is a Mazda Miata MX-5 and a cute little thing... and I mean little. My tennis racquet will fit in the trunk, along with a light shopping trip to Publix. I will never be able to go to Costco in the thing -- their stuff is just too big. There is absolutely nothing practical about this car, and that is what I love about it. I am pretty rational, practical, predictible, etc so this is pretty much nothing like me. But I do look so hot in it -- especially since I have grown a little more hair. (The hair is still pretty short and certainly not long enough to blow and be in the way when I have the top down. Now I have just another reason to keep my hair short.) My friend Pat from Memphis is coming here for the weekend on Thursday. I cannot even pick her up from the airport in the Mazda. Maybe if she just has one of those small roll on suitcases it might fit, but I am afraid she may pack like me. However, I am going to start packing light so we can take it on weekend trips .
So, it was a great holiday weekend--tennis, long walks, friends for dinner and a hot new car! And best of all my legs work well enough to do it all. What more can you ask for?
I think I've mentioned that I have been going to the gym and walking about 40 minutes on the treadmill. I have not been trying to get my heart rate up at this point and havebeen working on endurance more than anything. And I have been walking with no incline at all. Sunday morning I was headed for the gym, and it was such perfect weather friend Rita and I decided to walk outside instead. We walked down towards the river and then around my neighborhood which is quite hilly. All in all, it was about a 1 1/2 hour walk and about 4 miles. While that is a pretty slow rate, it was quite an accomplishment for me. After that, I worked in the yard, cleaned some deck furniture, and had friends Joe and Debbie over for dinner. I don't think I sat down for more than 5 minutes the whole day. This was probably the most "normal" day I have had in 18 months. I felt like I was back to my normal "warp speed" weekend (except the walking speed of course). By the time I laid down last night about 10:30 I was whipped and achey, but it felt so good.
And if all that was not enough, we bought me a little convertible today. I have wanted one forever but could never really justify it in my head. I have a company car, and it seemed just sort of foolish. So what do I do -- when the economy is the worst ever, gas out the roof, etc., I go buy an extra car! What the heck - I wanted it. Actually, we have been talking about it for a while but I just kept putting it off. I was scared it would jinx my recovery. I decided a couple of weeks ago I would not buy one until after my June scans to make sure I was ok. Then, since we are going to England in July, I decided to put it off until we got back. The real truth was I was just plain scared I would have a recurrence of the sarcome and would not be able to enjoy it. This week I mentioned the whole thing to fellow sarcoma patient Carol Lynn, who just did have a recurrence and surgery. and she gave me the courage to just live in the moment and do it. (By the way, she is recovering well from her surgery, and I am so happy and relieved for her.) Bob and I went to the car dealership on Saturday and test drove the car. He really drove it the first time around, because we decided to buy a manual transmission 5-speed, and I have not driven one of those in about 25 years. It just seems if you are really going to enjoy a convertible it should not be an automatic. Also, whenever we are in England, we always have an manual transmission car as you do not see a lot of automatics there. I have never driven when we were tin England because not only did I not know how to drive on the "wrong" side of the road, but I was not confident enough to drive a 5 speed. So now I am forcing the obvious. I did drive it today, and I did pretty well. It only conked out on me once right in the beginning, so I am no longer afraid of it.
It is a Mazda Miata MX-5 and a cute little thing... and I mean little. My tennis racquet will fit in the trunk, along with a light shopping trip to Publix. I will never be able to go to Costco in the thing -- their stuff is just too big. There is absolutely nothing practical about this car, and that is what I love about it. I am pretty rational, practical, predictible, etc so this is pretty much nothing like me. But I do look so hot in it -- especially since I have grown a little more hair. (The hair is still pretty short and certainly not long enough to blow and be in the way when I have the top down. Now I have just another reason to keep my hair short.) My friend Pat from Memphis is coming here for the weekend on Thursday. I cannot even pick her up from the airport in the Mazda. Maybe if she just has one of those small roll on suitcases it might fit, but I am afraid she may pack like me. However, I am going to start packing light so we can take it on weekend trips .
So, it was a great holiday weekend--tennis, long walks, friends for dinner and a hot new car! And best of all my legs work well enough to do it all. What more can you ask for?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
A nice time
First of all, there is good news for Carol Lynn. Her cancer was contained in a small area and DocO was able to get it all out and have good, clear wide margins. They do not think she will need further treatment, and she has decided to get a 2nd opinion at MD Anderson in Texas. I am not sure what that involves, but it starts with a email with and a lot of information. I don't know if they just review the medical, scans and tests, or if you actually go there. I am on her email list so I should be kept up to date. I hope I never need that information, but it is good to know just in case.
We had my "Department of Transportation" over for dinner last night. There were 13 of us altogether, and it was really nice to get them all over here. Of course, there was way too much food, so Bob and I will be eating it for weeks. Fortunately, it was really good (I can say that since I did not cook it) so we won't mind. I get out of fixing dinner for a couple of nights anyway.
Bob worked himself to death before the party. I had a list of things I wanted him to do and some of them were not small tasks -- like pressure washing and painting the front porch. I gave him the list and promptly left town for work for a couple of days. He was so good --even though he was still working the list Saturday afternoon just a few hours before the party started, he finished it and then some. I came home on Wednesday to find him painting our den. That had not been on the list all -- nor had we ever discussed a color. My women blog readers understand how this could have been a major issue had the color been all wrong. I am very appreciative of the effort and very lucky (or he is) that I liked the color! He could have been painting it twice! He does not quite get what a big deal this could have been! Having a party was a good way to get some things off our "to do" list. We need to have another one next week in our basement, garage, office etc.
We've been pretty lazy today which is perfect for a Sunday. Have a nice day!
We had my "Department of Transportation" over for dinner last night. There were 13 of us altogether, and it was really nice to get them all over here. Of course, there was way too much food, so Bob and I will be eating it for weeks. Fortunately, it was really good (I can say that since I did not cook it) so we won't mind. I get out of fixing dinner for a couple of nights anyway.
Bob worked himself to death before the party. I had a list of things I wanted him to do and some of them were not small tasks -- like pressure washing and painting the front porch. I gave him the list and promptly left town for work for a couple of days. He was so good --even though he was still working the list Saturday afternoon just a few hours before the party started, he finished it and then some. I came home on Wednesday to find him painting our den. That had not been on the list all -- nor had we ever discussed a color. My women blog readers understand how this could have been a major issue had the color been all wrong. I am very appreciative of the effort and very lucky (or he is) that I liked the color! He could have been painting it twice! He does not quite get what a big deal this could have been! Having a party was a good way to get some things off our "to do" list. We need to have another one next week in our basement, garage, office etc.
We've been pretty lazy today which is perfect for a Sunday. Have a nice day!
Friday, May 9, 2008
Way too long
It seems like I have not blogged in months, but it has only been a couple of weeks I think. I have been really busy with work, planting flowers and just usual chores. I feel pretty good and most aches and pains are just "normal" aches and pains.
We've made plans for our summer trip to England. Bob leaves about a week or so after my June MRI and CT scans. I am going over 9 days later and will be gone about 2 weeks. I am pretty nervous about the scans and what happens if the result is not good, but we are not putting our life or vacation on hold (unless it is an emergency of course). This week I did get news (not about me) that has made me a little more worried. When I was in treatment there were only two other sarcoma patients (Carol Lynn and Tony) being treated. They both started chemo a few weeks after me. We developed something of a kinship because our cancer is so unusual and always looked out for each other. I have been in touch with both of them even in the last couple of months as well. I had just talked with Carol Lynn about a week ago, and she had just had a lung scan and seen Doc O. She did not mention at the time that she had some swelling around her knee. I just learned that she had an MRI and biopsy and found out yesterday the sarcoma is back in her leg -- hers was in her quad area and she had about 90% of that muscle removed. I have to admit it did freak me out a bit. While I am surely worried for her, I did make it a good deal "about me" and that it could happen to me too.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not her! We had different cell types. Carol Lynn had a hard time with the chemo and was only able to take 3 treatments. I had twice that much. She had her surgery before chemo, and I had chemo first. My tumor was "more than 99% dead" when they removed it, so chemo and/or radiation did something to kill it. I am not sure of her stats. I am working hard to try not to compare, but it is so hard. There was some really good news today for her-- the tumor is small and it can even be removed on an outpatient basis. DocO said she could even plan a vacation for later in June, so he must think her recovery will be quick. And best of all, she will not need futher radiation or chemo. Her surgery is Monday so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
There is so much each day that I am able to just go on with my life and not even think of any of this or how I spent last year. Yet, it is always out there, hiding in the background, and I guess it will be that will for at least 10 years when I can be pronounced free and clear. 2007 and all we went through seems like years ago, yet it has been less than 6 months since my lung surgery. 2008 is just flying by so maybe 10 years is not that far away. Hey -- it is already just 9.5 years now!
I heard from Nurse Kathy (remember my home health care nurse?). She called this week just to say "hello" and check up on me. She was with me 3 times a week for about 12 weeks, I think, so we really did develop a relationship. I also hear from Marva (one of the chemo nurses) every few weeks. It is so nice of them to stay in touch. There really is a special bond. As I have said before, not everything about cancer is bad.
There are so many people I need to "re-pay" for their kindness and generousity. You may remember some friends that called themselves "Geri's Department of Transportation". These folks picked me up from chemo each day -- there were 24 days of that! Anyway, we are having them all over for dinner next weekend. This is the first entertaining we've done in a year and a half. I really have just not had the energy to do any thing of the sort until just recently. I am excited about getting everyone together to show my appreciation. By the way I am running around to get ready, and the mile long "to do" list I have given Bob (of course I need to "re-pay" him forever), you would think I was planning a wedding. It is just dinner for 13 (hopefully not unlucky) and I am not even doing the cooking!
I still have not played tennis yet. I am not sure why I keep avoiding it because I really do want to play. My physical therapy ends this week so maybe that will give me more time to try to play.
I promise not to wait to long to blog again --if anyone is out there even still reading this! Have a nice weekend. I am planning a busy one!
We've made plans for our summer trip to England. Bob leaves about a week or so after my June MRI and CT scans. I am going over 9 days later and will be gone about 2 weeks. I am pretty nervous about the scans and what happens if the result is not good, but we are not putting our life or vacation on hold (unless it is an emergency of course). This week I did get news (not about me) that has made me a little more worried. When I was in treatment there were only two other sarcoma patients (Carol Lynn and Tony) being treated. They both started chemo a few weeks after me. We developed something of a kinship because our cancer is so unusual and always looked out for each other. I have been in touch with both of them even in the last couple of months as well. I had just talked with Carol Lynn about a week ago, and she had just had a lung scan and seen Doc O. She did not mention at the time that she had some swelling around her knee. I just learned that she had an MRI and biopsy and found out yesterday the sarcoma is back in her leg -- hers was in her quad area and she had about 90% of that muscle removed. I have to admit it did freak me out a bit. While I am surely worried for her, I did make it a good deal "about me" and that it could happen to me too.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not her! We had different cell types. Carol Lynn had a hard time with the chemo and was only able to take 3 treatments. I had twice that much. She had her surgery before chemo, and I had chemo first. My tumor was "more than 99% dead" when they removed it, so chemo and/or radiation did something to kill it. I am not sure of her stats. I am working hard to try not to compare, but it is so hard. There was some really good news today for her-- the tumor is small and it can even be removed on an outpatient basis. DocO said she could even plan a vacation for later in June, so he must think her recovery will be quick. And best of all, she will not need futher radiation or chemo. Her surgery is Monday so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
There is so much each day that I am able to just go on with my life and not even think of any of this or how I spent last year. Yet, it is always out there, hiding in the background, and I guess it will be that will for at least 10 years when I can be pronounced free and clear. 2007 and all we went through seems like years ago, yet it has been less than 6 months since my lung surgery. 2008 is just flying by so maybe 10 years is not that far away. Hey -- it is already just 9.5 years now!
I heard from Nurse Kathy (remember my home health care nurse?). She called this week just to say "hello" and check up on me. She was with me 3 times a week for about 12 weeks, I think, so we really did develop a relationship. I also hear from Marva (one of the chemo nurses) every few weeks. It is so nice of them to stay in touch. There really is a special bond. As I have said before, not everything about cancer is bad.
There are so many people I need to "re-pay" for their kindness and generousity. You may remember some friends that called themselves "Geri's Department of Transportation". These folks picked me up from chemo each day -- there were 24 days of that! Anyway, we are having them all over for dinner next weekend. This is the first entertaining we've done in a year and a half. I really have just not had the energy to do any thing of the sort until just recently. I am excited about getting everyone together to show my appreciation. By the way I am running around to get ready, and the mile long "to do" list I have given Bob (of course I need to "re-pay" him forever), you would think I was planning a wedding. It is just dinner for 13 (hopefully not unlucky) and I am not even doing the cooking!
I still have not played tennis yet. I am not sure why I keep avoiding it because I really do want to play. My physical therapy ends this week so maybe that will give me more time to try to play.
I promise not to wait to long to blog again --if anyone is out there even still reading this! Have a nice weekend. I am planning a busy one!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Better late than never
I did not realize it had been so long since I've blogged. But in this case, no news really is good news. I have been really busy at work and having some fun too. This week I was out traveling in south Ga for most of the week. I drove about 750 miles from Tues-Friday. That is really not unusal for my work, but it was the most I have traveled alone since I've been back working this year. I did pretty well and was not really that tired. Instead of eating out, I would just pick something up and bring it back to the hotel room at night to do a little work. I managed pretty well, but I am a little tired.
We went to Knoxville last weekend for my friend Jill's son Aaron's Bar Mitzvah. Between the hotel there and my work travels, I have been in 4 different hotels in the last 6 nights. I am a little confused when I wake up in the middle of the night and am not sure where I am or where the bathroom is. However, I do not think that has anything to do with chemo, cancer or being sick! It may be old age, or just what happens when you are on the road too much at once. But
I am having fun and enjoying what I am doing. I will find the bathroom eventually!
I am still having a bit of discomfort in my leg and back where my incision is. I am having a little drainage or bleeding around there, but I think it is just from where my bra rubs against the scar so we are doing some bandaging around that till it heals. I just could not do that myself while I was traveling. I thought about asking one of my female agents to help me out with a couple of bandaids back there, but I decided against that. Some folks are kind of squeamish with all the gooky stuff, and I did not want to put anyone in an awkward position. Anyway, I am home for the next couple of weeks, so it won't be a problem. My backend and leg (close to the scar) are a little sore in spots, but I think it is from driving and sitting so much. However, I am a little paranoid and have been searching for lumps to make sure it is not more serious. I am going to physical therapy Monday, so I will have, Marcus, my therapist, check it out. I am trying to not let every little ache make me crazy, but it is hard not to do that.
Otherwise things are good. I am hoping to hit some tennis balls this week if the weather holds out, and I can get caught up at work. I am not sure if I have the energy to really play after work, but I think I could go down to the courts for a few minutes at least.
We are having a quiet weekend for the most part. I went to the gym this morning and will go again tomorrow. I acutally wore a pair of gym shorts for the first time in public, but I did make Mitzi check it out and make that what you could see of my leg scar was not too gross. I've just been doing about 30 or 40 minutes on the treadmill and a working out on a couple of machines. I did not go at all last week (or to PT) since I was traveling. It is probably overdoing it going both Sat, Sun and to PT on Monday, but I am going to try anyway. I've gained some of my weight back, so I need to get it off so all my new clothes will still fit. I gave away all the old ones, so there is no going back now.
With my neice Zola's help, I finally loaded some music from ITUNES onto my IPOD. Lisa got it for me a while back and loaded some books on there, but I just could not focus enough to listen to them. Now I know what I was missing and just can't wait to load more on there. I appreciate now why all teenagers always seem have earphones on all the time! If only I could have done that when I was stuck in my bed for a year! Next weekend Zola is teaching me how to load music off CD's onto the IPOD. She is a very patient teacher and was able to give me really good instructions over the phone. Lisa tried to show me all of this when she visited but I was really not able to pay attention to her then. I can tell my ability to concentrate is improving a bit. Or maybe I've just been using "chemo brain" as an excuse to not have to do things I did not want to do. It worked for a while, but I don't think I can get away with it for much longer. Lisa says I can use it as an excuse for a year, but I am pretty bored with this "helplessness" stuff. It is just not my style! Time to get back to normal!
We went to Knoxville last weekend for my friend Jill's son Aaron's Bar Mitzvah. Between the hotel there and my work travels, I have been in 4 different hotels in the last 6 nights. I am a little confused when I wake up in the middle of the night and am not sure where I am or where the bathroom is. However, I do not think that has anything to do with chemo, cancer or being sick! It may be old age, or just what happens when you are on the road too much at once. But
I am having fun and enjoying what I am doing. I will find the bathroom eventually!
I am still having a bit of discomfort in my leg and back where my incision is. I am having a little drainage or bleeding around there, but I think it is just from where my bra rubs against the scar so we are doing some bandaging around that till it heals. I just could not do that myself while I was traveling. I thought about asking one of my female agents to help me out with a couple of bandaids back there, but I decided against that. Some folks are kind of squeamish with all the gooky stuff, and I did not want to put anyone in an awkward position. Anyway, I am home for the next couple of weeks, so it won't be a problem. My backend and leg (close to the scar) are a little sore in spots, but I think it is from driving and sitting so much. However, I am a little paranoid and have been searching for lumps to make sure it is not more serious. I am going to physical therapy Monday, so I will have, Marcus, my therapist, check it out. I am trying to not let every little ache make me crazy, but it is hard not to do that.
Otherwise things are good. I am hoping to hit some tennis balls this week if the weather holds out, and I can get caught up at work. I am not sure if I have the energy to really play after work, but I think I could go down to the courts for a few minutes at least.
We are having a quiet weekend for the most part. I went to the gym this morning and will go again tomorrow. I acutally wore a pair of gym shorts for the first time in public, but I did make Mitzi check it out and make that what you could see of my leg scar was not too gross. I've just been doing about 30 or 40 minutes on the treadmill and a working out on a couple of machines. I did not go at all last week (or to PT) since I was traveling. It is probably overdoing it going both Sat, Sun and to PT on Monday, but I am going to try anyway. I've gained some of my weight back, so I need to get it off so all my new clothes will still fit. I gave away all the old ones, so there is no going back now.
With my neice Zola's help, I finally loaded some music from ITUNES onto my IPOD. Lisa got it for me a while back and loaded some books on there, but I just could not focus enough to listen to them. Now I know what I was missing and just can't wait to load more on there. I appreciate now why all teenagers always seem have earphones on all the time! If only I could have done that when I was stuck in my bed for a year! Next weekend Zola is teaching me how to load music off CD's onto the IPOD. She is a very patient teacher and was able to give me really good instructions over the phone. Lisa tried to show me all of this when she visited but I was really not able to pay attention to her then. I can tell my ability to concentrate is improving a bit. Or maybe I've just been using "chemo brain" as an excuse to not have to do things I did not want to do. It worked for a while, but I don't think I can get away with it for much longer. Lisa says I can use it as an excuse for a year, but I am pretty bored with this "helplessness" stuff. It is just not my style! Time to get back to normal!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
A 3 month break
Like I mentioned last time, my chest xray did turn out to be more significant than I thought. I called Doc O's (my leg surgeon who is now in charge of all my scans) office yesterday to tell them about the results. They had scheduled me for a chest CT and doctor visit April 19. They reviewed my xray and since I got a good report they cancelled my CT and I do not have to go back until June. In June they will do an MRI on my leg (which they do every 6 months) and a CT on my lungs. So I have another 3 months of breathing easier (no pun intended), and can work on living a normal life without too much worry! I forgot my oncologist wanted to see me after Doc O saw me in April, so I guess I will need to schedule an appointment with him soon. I do want him to do some lab work just to make sure the reason I am still tired is just because everything I went through last year and nothing else.
My leg and chest still bother me a bit. I take a non narcotic pain pill a couple of times a day and that seems to help. I think the leg thing is just going to always bother me to some degree, but I can handle that. The chest scar (from the port) is looking much better, but is still ugly. One of my chemo nurses mentioned last week that I would probably need plastic surgery, but I am in no hurry for surgery of any kind. I will just live with it for the moment and stay away from strapless dresses!
Work is still good, and for a really tired person I am putting in a lot of hours -- no wonder I am tired. I do work for 2 to 3 hours each evening just getting caught up on paperwork - business and personal. This weekend we get to work on income tax. Yea! Didn't we just do that? Gosh the year went by quick - but the days went by slowly somehow.
Bob and I started talking about planning our summer trip to England. I really like to go late July to early August because the weather is so miserable here and just perfect there. I keep thinking we should go before my June scans in case there is a problem, but I just can't keep planning my life for things between scans. Bob's mother turns 89 in July, and I hope we can be there for her birthday, so we will start looking for flights etc.
What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was in the middle of 4 rounds of chemo, facing 6 weeks of radiation and surgery, not knowing even more chemo and surgery would follow after that(or the awful wound vac, 4 weeks of IV antibiotics, etc). Planning a summer vacation or even a weekend out of town was not anything we could even consider. Heavens, I could not even sit comfortably in a chair that was not a recliner! I am a lucky girl, and even on my toughest days, I do not have to be reminded of that!
My leg and chest still bother me a bit. I take a non narcotic pain pill a couple of times a day and that seems to help. I think the leg thing is just going to always bother me to some degree, but I can handle that. The chest scar (from the port) is looking much better, but is still ugly. One of my chemo nurses mentioned last week that I would probably need plastic surgery, but I am in no hurry for surgery of any kind. I will just live with it for the moment and stay away from strapless dresses!
Work is still good, and for a really tired person I am putting in a lot of hours -- no wonder I am tired. I do work for 2 to 3 hours each evening just getting caught up on paperwork - business and personal. This weekend we get to work on income tax. Yea! Didn't we just do that? Gosh the year went by quick - but the days went by slowly somehow.
Bob and I started talking about planning our summer trip to England. I really like to go late July to early August because the weather is so miserable here and just perfect there. I keep thinking we should go before my June scans in case there is a problem, but I just can't keep planning my life for things between scans. Bob's mother turns 89 in July, and I hope we can be there for her birthday, so we will start looking for flights etc.
What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was in the middle of 4 rounds of chemo, facing 6 weeks of radiation and surgery, not knowing even more chemo and surgery would follow after that(or the awful wound vac, 4 weeks of IV antibiotics, etc). Planning a summer vacation or even a weekend out of town was not anything we could even consider. Heavens, I could not even sit comfortably in a chair that was not a recliner! I am a lucky girl, and even on my toughest days, I do not have to be reminded of that!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
More significan than I realized
I got a good report from Dr. Miller’s office. I should have seen it as a good sign right up front when he sent in Jim, his physician’s assistant to see me instead of him. My x-ray looked good, and I am no longer their patient unless I need them in the future. For some reason, I was only thinking of the x-ray I took today as something they would review to see how I am healing from the lung surgery. My sister Lisa pointed out that the first place they would see lesions on my lungs would be on an x-ray, so this is certainly something I should see as a good sign. I am feeling less nervous about my CT scan next month knowing today things look good. I told Jim, to “not take it personally, but unless it was in a restaurant I never wanted to see him again.” I am so glad to be fired as a patient.
I went over to the chemo center for a visit. At first, it was like going back to high school, after being in college, to see your old teachers. I was excited to see everyone, but after a few minutes I did get this bit of nervousness, reliving the last year. I noticed later that I really did not look at the patients at all. It was like they were blurred in the background. My head just did not want to go there and connect with them. I really want to get past all that. In fact, they told me they were going to start a sarcoma support group, and I really hope to be a part of that. Hopefully, I will only be there as a survivor giving support. I do think it is time for me to start “giving back” so maybe I can really help. I am not sure I would have participated while I was being treated, but I hope others will not feel that way. The only thing is I think they are going to meet at night, downtown at Crawford Long. I am not sure how many folks are going to want to come back down there while they are in treatment. I know I did not have the energy for that then. Maybe others will.
I saw Dr. Saba (my chemo doctor), and he did tell me I should come see him after I have my next scan. I am not sure if he will draw blood or why I will be there unless there is a problem with my scan, but I will certainly be compliant and set the appointment. It was fun seeing my nurses, PA’s and the administrative staff. They took me into the employee break room, and started bringing people in to see me. They even brought in the chemist (who mixes up the chemo drugs) to say hello. It’s funny. The whole time I was in chemo I don’t think we ever even spoke, but he came it to say “hi” anyway. I am so happy to be an alumni and not a current “student”!
You may remember when I was in radiation last summer, I’d met a woman Beverly who was also in insurance and was a patient (she had the red convertible I envied). Beverly lived alone and her family was not near by. She had cancer all over the place and was having radiation and chemo. She was even flying to New York at times to have chemo. They’d told Beverly at the time she only had about 6 months to live. We exchanged phone numbers and left a couple of voicemails for each other. Beverly had also been in the chemo center earlier today and was doing okay. I was really glad to hear that as her prognosis was not good. I don’t know if she was getting treatment but just visiting, but regardless, I am glad to see she is still fighting it.
Today is Wednesday, March 19 and so far I cannot get into the internet. So if this actually gets posted later in the week you will understand why. All in all, a pretty great day!
I went over to the chemo center for a visit. At first, it was like going back to high school, after being in college, to see your old teachers. I was excited to see everyone, but after a few minutes I did get this bit of nervousness, reliving the last year. I noticed later that I really did not look at the patients at all. It was like they were blurred in the background. My head just did not want to go there and connect with them. I really want to get past all that. In fact, they told me they were going to start a sarcoma support group, and I really hope to be a part of that. Hopefully, I will only be there as a survivor giving support. I do think it is time for me to start “giving back” so maybe I can really help. I am not sure I would have participated while I was being treated, but I hope others will not feel that way. The only thing is I think they are going to meet at night, downtown at Crawford Long. I am not sure how many folks are going to want to come back down there while they are in treatment. I know I did not have the energy for that then. Maybe others will.
I saw Dr. Saba (my chemo doctor), and he did tell me I should come see him after I have my next scan. I am not sure if he will draw blood or why I will be there unless there is a problem with my scan, but I will certainly be compliant and set the appointment. It was fun seeing my nurses, PA’s and the administrative staff. They took me into the employee break room, and started bringing people in to see me. They even brought in the chemist (who mixes up the chemo drugs) to say hello. It’s funny. The whole time I was in chemo I don’t think we ever even spoke, but he came it to say “hi” anyway. I am so happy to be an alumni and not a current “student”!
You may remember when I was in radiation last summer, I’d met a woman Beverly who was also in insurance and was a patient (she had the red convertible I envied). Beverly lived alone and her family was not near by. She had cancer all over the place and was having radiation and chemo. She was even flying to New York at times to have chemo. They’d told Beverly at the time she only had about 6 months to live. We exchanged phone numbers and left a couple of voicemails for each other. Beverly had also been in the chemo center earlier today and was doing okay. I was really glad to hear that as her prognosis was not good. I don’t know if she was getting treatment but just visiting, but regardless, I am glad to see she is still fighting it.
Today is Wednesday, March 19 and so far I cannot get into the internet. So if this actually gets posted later in the week you will understand why. All in all, a pretty great day!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Just wonderful
Bob and I had a great trip to Amelia Island this weekend. The hotel was beautiful, food wonderful and the weather was pretty accomodating. We had a lot of fun on the segways. I was able to standup the whole 2 hours. The steering was a little tricky, and I have to admit I paid a lot more attention to my driving than the scenary. I did actually wear a bathing suit in public! At one point the scar on my back was a little visable and my port scar is a little hard to hide. I was able to cover up the leg scar with a skirt for the most part. I did not see any children running with fear so I guess it was not too bad. I got a little sun but I was careful to use sunscreen, especially on the chest scar. Most of you know I am pretty dark complected so sunscreen has not been something I have used much in my life. That's not anything to be proud of, but I am learning that using it is important. I just had to get some sun on my legs. Now that it is not in vogue to wear hose anymore, they needed a little color. I may have to resort to the spray on kind. That is a lot healthier, I am sure.
Tomorrow I have to go see Dr. Miller (lung surgeon) and have a chest x-ray. I am a little nervous, but I feel pretty good, so I think I am healing nicely from the surgery. Most of the discomfort I have is really more from my leg that my chest. I think the leg stuff is just going to be a part of my life from now on, but I can handle that. I am still in physical therapy through the end of the month at least. If I am up to it tomorrow night, I may gone down and try to hit a tennis ball or two when my team in practicing. I have lots of chores to do around here, but I am going to try to work it in if my energy level is good and the weather cooperates.
I will try to post tomorrow or Thursday to let you know how the doctor's appointment went. I am hoping to go by the chemo center which is just across the street and visit my chemo nurses for a few minutes. They have not seen me with hair in a while.
Bob may post one of our pictures from the weekend so you can see that I am growing hair now. It is still very short and very curly. I was hoping chemo would straighten it out a little, but I am just glad it is grow back, and with a little less gray I might add!
More later in the week!
Tomorrow I have to go see Dr. Miller (lung surgeon) and have a chest x-ray. I am a little nervous, but I feel pretty good, so I think I am healing nicely from the surgery. Most of the discomfort I have is really more from my leg that my chest. I think the leg stuff is just going to be a part of my life from now on, but I can handle that. I am still in physical therapy through the end of the month at least. If I am up to it tomorrow night, I may gone down and try to hit a tennis ball or two when my team in practicing. I have lots of chores to do around here, but I am going to try to work it in if my energy level is good and the weather cooperates.
I will try to post tomorrow or Thursday to let you know how the doctor's appointment went. I am hoping to go by the chemo center which is just across the street and visit my chemo nurses for a few minutes. They have not seen me with hair in a while.
Bob may post one of our pictures from the weekend so you can see that I am growing hair now. It is still very short and very curly. I was hoping chemo would straighten it out a little, but I am just glad it is grow back, and with a little less gray I might add!
More later in the week!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Still out here
It is just amazing how life can sort of get back to normal so quickly. I am back in the thick of things are home and at work, and every day gets a little more normal. I still run out of gas quicker than I used to but I am going pretty strong. I still have physical therapy a couple of times a week and go to the gym to work on the treadmill. I think I am just going to always have a challenge with my leg because of the scar tissue and having very little hamstring. I can go down steps pretty quickly, but I am a lot slower going up them, especially at the end of the day.
I did find a couple of bathing suits and bought skirts to go over them so I can hide that ugly scar. We leave for Amelia Island on Thursday. On Saturday, we are going on a "segway" tour through a national park and plantation (I think). For those of you who do not know, a segway is kind of like a electric scooter and you stand on it and ride. It is a 2 hour tour so I am hoping that will not be a problem.
Each day I remember less of what life was like last year, thank goodness. Bob and I are working hard and having fun again. There are so many people (some I know and care about, and just some I hear about) having really tragic things happen to them, that complaining about how my leg looks is a bathsuit or how slow my hair is growing is just so trivial.
I have an appointment next week with Dr. Miller, my lung surgeon, and I think he will find I am healing nicely. The real test will be in April when I have my next lung CT.
My friend Constance, who is undergoing radiation for breast cancer, is compiling a book from thoughts and events from others dealing with breast cancer. She is looking to help bring a smile to the faces of folks dealing with this horrible diease and looking for any humorous stories anyone would like to share. I am going to copy some info below in case you or someone you know may want to contribute. I think it is so great for her to be undergoing treatment and at the same time trying to find a way to help people.
Hello! My name is Constance Collins. For those who don’t know me personally, you may wonder why you are receiving this e-mail. You or someone you know was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is my goal to write-actually, perhaps better to say compile, 365 humorous stories dealing with breast cancer. More of the specifics are explained in the 2 attachments. If you would like to contribute, that’s wonderful. If not, that’s cool too. If you know of someone else who had breast cancer and who you feel might want to share a story, please forward this to them. Just be sure to delete all the ‘forwarding stuff’ that piles up-one of my personal pet peeves of e-mails!
All stories must be original, non-fiction. Please keep them between 200-700 words. There might be some editing due to space but the spirit of the story will be kept intact. If a story is chosen, that person will be notified and their permission will be obtained-this is why I ask for your contact information on the attached form-it will not be shared with anyone else.
I have no idea if I will be successful with this project. All I know is I have to try. If excitement about the project were the only requirement I would be set!
Wish me luck!
Constance
merrymammories@yahoo.com
Constance is a very determined and creative woman so I know her book is going to be a success!
I will keep you posted and blog next week after my appointment with Dr. Miller. Thanks so much for continuing to keep up with me!
I did find a couple of bathing suits and bought skirts to go over them so I can hide that ugly scar. We leave for Amelia Island on Thursday. On Saturday, we are going on a "segway" tour through a national park and plantation (I think). For those of you who do not know, a segway is kind of like a electric scooter and you stand on it and ride. It is a 2 hour tour so I am hoping that will not be a problem.
Each day I remember less of what life was like last year, thank goodness. Bob and I are working hard and having fun again. There are so many people (some I know and care about, and just some I hear about) having really tragic things happen to them, that complaining about how my leg looks is a bathsuit or how slow my hair is growing is just so trivial.
I have an appointment next week with Dr. Miller, my lung surgeon, and I think he will find I am healing nicely. The real test will be in April when I have my next lung CT.
My friend Constance, who is undergoing radiation for breast cancer, is compiling a book from thoughts and events from others dealing with breast cancer. She is looking to help bring a smile to the faces of folks dealing with this horrible diease and looking for any humorous stories anyone would like to share. I am going to copy some info below in case you or someone you know may want to contribute. I think it is so great for her to be undergoing treatment and at the same time trying to find a way to help people.
Hello! My name is Constance Collins. For those who don’t know me personally, you may wonder why you are receiving this e-mail. You or someone you know was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is my goal to write-actually, perhaps better to say compile, 365 humorous stories dealing with breast cancer. More of the specifics are explained in the 2 attachments. If you would like to contribute, that’s wonderful. If not, that’s cool too. If you know of someone else who had breast cancer and who you feel might want to share a story, please forward this to them. Just be sure to delete all the ‘forwarding stuff’ that piles up-one of my personal pet peeves of e-mails!
All stories must be original, non-fiction. Please keep them between 200-700 words. There might be some editing due to space but the spirit of the story will be kept intact. If a story is chosen, that person will be notified and their permission will be obtained-this is why I ask for your contact information on the attached form-it will not be shared with anyone else.
I have no idea if I will be successful with this project. All I know is I have to try. If excitement about the project were the only requirement I would be set!
Wish me luck!
Constance
merrymammories@yahoo.com
Constance is a very determined and creative woman so I know her book is going to be a success!
I will keep you posted and blog next week after my appointment with Dr. Miller. Thanks so much for continuing to keep up with me!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Still rocking along
So far things are still going well. I was out overnight two nights last week for work and it was good. I have been drivng so much -- about 700 miles per week the last few and I find sitting in the car is more comfortable than at my desk. I am having to adjust to staying at a hotel again by myself after having a year of not being away from Bob. But I just get on my laptop, do a little work and watch TV. Being at home is much better, but it is nice occasionally to not have to think about what we are having for dinner. I usually just pick it up somewhere and take it back to my hotel room. With American Idol back on that keeps me occupied for a couple of hours anyway. Anyway work is fun, and I am loving getting back to see folks I have not seen in so long. The only thing is so far, I had a better sales year last year when I was stuck in bed than I am doing making face to face visits! I just keep saying " I told you I was good in bed!". I am not ready to go back there however. My numbers do keep getting a little better every week, and I think the more I travel things will improve. The numbers are good -- just not like last year! I am the worst about puting pressure on myself, and my expectations are pretty high. But that is what motivates me and keeps me going. I would really hate it if I did not care this much! I cannot imagine working in a job you do not like. I have been so lucky!
I have an appoinment (3 month check up) with my lung surgeon in mid March. They will x-ray then, I assume to observe his handiwork and how I am healing. Then I have a chest CT in April that I will continue to have every 3 months for a few years at least. I do feel like I am living my life in three month intervals. It does not affect me day to day, but it does come into my thoughts when I am trying to do some "long range" planning. Of course "long range" is about 4 months for me! I was thinking about when we might go back to England this summer. I'll have scans in mid April and again in mid July. It worries me to plan a trip before mid April (to be taken before mid July) because I am afraid it will jinx my scan results. Pretty stupid, huh? I just need to get a history of good scan results so I will not be so paranoid each time, but I think it may be a while before I get there.
I am home for the next couple of weeks with no overnight trips for work. I am so behind in doing things around here, and I am still pretty exhausted when I get home from work. Usually I will lay down for about 30 minutes and I can bounce back a bit, but I am very frustrated that I do not have my energy levels back. Mind you, before I got sick, I was operating at WARP speed most of the time so I am not sure I will ever get back there again. I am not sure I even want to, but I do need a little more ummph!
My stupidity is still haunting me. My arm is still bothering me from my dumb fall on the tennis court last week. I am finally going to go to the doctor in Friday and let them xray it. I am sure it is just probably sprain, and I just need to immobilize it or something to heal. I just want to kick myself for being so dumb and trying to run in shoes not meant for that. I just didn't think which Bob says I do a lot! Or I try to multi-task too much, and I am just not able to juggle that well.
We are going to the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island in a couple of weeks for a work sales trip I won (see-- good in bed). Bob gets to go too, so I am really looking forward to that. Now I need new spring clothes since none of my old ones fit. I have gained about 6 or so pounds back and am trying to get that off. I have given away most of my old clothes, so I have to stay this weight. I need to buy a bathing suit, but the back my leg looks awful from surgery and radiation. I can always get one with a skirt I suppose or keep a cover up on till I lay down. I really think swimming would be good for me, but I just don't want anyone to see my leg. Heck, I do not even look at it. I have not looked at the scar from my lung surgery yet either, but I could tell from my OBGYN it is not a pretty sight. I know being bashed up is a small price to pay after all of this but with spring and summer coming clothes are revealing a little more than I'd like. I am used to last year, just wearing boxer shorts and tee shirts or pjs the entire time. It is fun to buy new clothes but the "scar" factor is a pain to deal with. I know I can have plastic surgery for the mess left by the port fiasco, but I am just not ready to have anyone cut on me for elective surgery right now. All this is really minor in the great scheme of things, but it is just something else to deal with.
All in all, life is good and we are getting back to normal as best we can. My friend Angela gave me a magnet that says "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine" so I just keep trying to remember that!
I have an appoinment (3 month check up) with my lung surgeon in mid March. They will x-ray then, I assume to observe his handiwork and how I am healing. Then I have a chest CT in April that I will continue to have every 3 months for a few years at least. I do feel like I am living my life in three month intervals. It does not affect me day to day, but it does come into my thoughts when I am trying to do some "long range" planning. Of course "long range" is about 4 months for me! I was thinking about when we might go back to England this summer. I'll have scans in mid April and again in mid July. It worries me to plan a trip before mid April (to be taken before mid July) because I am afraid it will jinx my scan results. Pretty stupid, huh? I just need to get a history of good scan results so I will not be so paranoid each time, but I think it may be a while before I get there.
I am home for the next couple of weeks with no overnight trips for work. I am so behind in doing things around here, and I am still pretty exhausted when I get home from work. Usually I will lay down for about 30 minutes and I can bounce back a bit, but I am very frustrated that I do not have my energy levels back. Mind you, before I got sick, I was operating at WARP speed most of the time so I am not sure I will ever get back there again. I am not sure I even want to, but I do need a little more ummph!
My stupidity is still haunting me. My arm is still bothering me from my dumb fall on the tennis court last week. I am finally going to go to the doctor in Friday and let them xray it. I am sure it is just probably sprain, and I just need to immobilize it or something to heal. I just want to kick myself for being so dumb and trying to run in shoes not meant for that. I just didn't think which Bob says I do a lot! Or I try to multi-task too much, and I am just not able to juggle that well.
We are going to the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island in a couple of weeks for a work sales trip I won (see-- good in bed). Bob gets to go too, so I am really looking forward to that. Now I need new spring clothes since none of my old ones fit. I have gained about 6 or so pounds back and am trying to get that off. I have given away most of my old clothes, so I have to stay this weight. I need to buy a bathing suit, but the back my leg looks awful from surgery and radiation. I can always get one with a skirt I suppose or keep a cover up on till I lay down. I really think swimming would be good for me, but I just don't want anyone to see my leg. Heck, I do not even look at it. I have not looked at the scar from my lung surgery yet either, but I could tell from my OBGYN it is not a pretty sight. I know being bashed up is a small price to pay after all of this but with spring and summer coming clothes are revealing a little more than I'd like. I am used to last year, just wearing boxer shorts and tee shirts or pjs the entire time. It is fun to buy new clothes but the "scar" factor is a pain to deal with. I know I can have plastic surgery for the mess left by the port fiasco, but I am just not ready to have anyone cut on me for elective surgery right now. All this is really minor in the great scheme of things, but it is just something else to deal with.
All in all, life is good and we are getting back to normal as best we can. My friend Angela gave me a magnet that says "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine" so I just keep trying to remember that!
Monday, February 18, 2008
A Good week
I ended the Friday beat but so excited. It has been great getting out to see so many of my agents. I still have tons to see, and am trying to get them schedule, have physical therapy, attend some classes I need and get business rolling again. I am finally rounding a corner and am getting my business back on track. I just need to organize my travel schedule a little better. I am out two nights this week - Vidalia and Warner Robbins and they will be good trips I think
I had a little scare this week but all is ok. They keep calling me back to re-do my mammogram and finally after 3 sets of film they did an ultrasound. After 2 hours of making myself nuts, they determined I had a cyst, probably caused by hormones and and there was nothing to worry about. I am still in the frame of mind that if I have a split end I am afraid it is cancer. I have to get past this or I will make myself nuts.
By the same token, I need to stop doing stupid things. After physical therapy on Saturday. I was feeling really good. Some friends were playing tennis and I asked them to let me serve a couple. I got the first one in no trouble -- hit another 2 into the next and got the last one in. I decided to run up and hit the last return of serve back to me, a rather short ball. Big mistake! First of all I did not have on proper tennis shows, but slip on walking shoes. I came flying out the them and landing on my left hand and left. A few bruises and maybe a strained/stunned thumb and jammed arm. I scared my tennis friends half to death, and am still pretty sore. My fingers more so I don't think I broke anything and it does get better every day, so I do not think I broke anything. So it was just stupid...but it was fun. I am so glad to know I can still serve.
We went out to a movie with Debbie and Joe Saturday night (The Savages) and cousins Lorraine and Bert came in from Memphis for the day on Sunday. It was a great visit -- just too short. But I got no chores or work done and it can just wait. I leave for Dublin (GA not Ireland), Vidalia, Sylvannia, Warner Robbins, Fort Valley and Macon for the next few days. I can ususally get caught up on paperwork, bill paying etc when I travel so that will be good. Things get more normal every day.
The only thing is I still have a sinking spell mid day for about 20 minutes and am wiped out at the end of the day. After a little rest I do bounce back and I am good for a couple of hours. Sometimes I get my engine too "revved up" and I can't sleep, so I am trying to do more tedious stuff late a night.
Thanks for staying in touch! More in a week or so. Yea -- no more scans till April-- unless I discover I really did break my arm!
I had a little scare this week but all is ok. They keep calling me back to re-do my mammogram and finally after 3 sets of film they did an ultrasound. After 2 hours of making myself nuts, they determined I had a cyst, probably caused by hormones and and there was nothing to worry about. I am still in the frame of mind that if I have a split end I am afraid it is cancer. I have to get past this or I will make myself nuts.
By the same token, I need to stop doing stupid things. After physical therapy on Saturday. I was feeling really good. Some friends were playing tennis and I asked them to let me serve a couple. I got the first one in no trouble -- hit another 2 into the next and got the last one in. I decided to run up and hit the last return of serve back to me, a rather short ball. Big mistake! First of all I did not have on proper tennis shows, but slip on walking shoes. I came flying out the them and landing on my left hand and left. A few bruises and maybe a strained/stunned thumb and jammed arm. I scared my tennis friends half to death, and am still pretty sore. My fingers more so I don't think I broke anything and it does get better every day, so I do not think I broke anything. So it was just stupid...but it was fun. I am so glad to know I can still serve.
We went out to a movie with Debbie and Joe Saturday night (The Savages) and cousins Lorraine and Bert came in from Memphis for the day on Sunday. It was a great visit -- just too short. But I got no chores or work done and it can just wait. I leave for Dublin (GA not Ireland), Vidalia, Sylvannia, Warner Robbins, Fort Valley and Macon for the next few days. I can ususally get caught up on paperwork, bill paying etc when I travel so that will be good. Things get more normal every day.
The only thing is I still have a sinking spell mid day for about 20 minutes and am wiped out at the end of the day. After a little rest I do bounce back and I am good for a couple of hours. Sometimes I get my engine too "revved up" and I can't sleep, so I am trying to do more tedious stuff late a night.
Thanks for staying in touch! More in a week or so. Yea -- no more scans till April-- unless I discover I really did break my arm!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Just staying in touch
I am delighted to say there is not a lot new here. I went to the opthamologist last Friday. He said I had a "macular puck" - not sure about the spelling. This is totally unrelated to the cancer or chemo. Evidently this is something like getting moles (maybe age spots!) on your arm but this is in your eye. The doc said you only worry about these if it is the "growing" kind. He did not think mine was. He said he could put me through all sorts of tests and xrays but I had probably been through enough in the last year. He took a picture of it, and I will go back in 4 months and look at it again and compare to see if it grew. The strange thing was that he said I was the 3rd scarcoma patient he had seen in the last week. Even my chemo center only has one. Very unusual.
Next week I have my OBGYN and mammogram appointment. If there are any issues there it also would be unrelated to the sarcoma. Of course I am just anxious as a matter of course. I am not sure how good a mammogram is going to feel with my scares and soreness from the lung surgery, but it is something I need to do. I keep reminding myself I had a PETscan just a couple of months ago and there were no other signs of cancer.
I had someone ask me if I was in "remission". I am not sure that term even applies to me. I thought remission was when you had a cancer was growing or spreading and the treatment, shrunk it or slowed it down. They cut mine out and it never had spread. So am I in "remission"?
Do I say "I have cancer." or "I had cancer.". I am not sure, but since there appears to be no more cancer in my body at this point, I prefer the past tense! It is just soooooo 2007!
I have been working every day, driving around Georgia like a maniac. I am out overnight at least a couple of nights in the next couple of weeks, just like I always. I have to admit, I am a lot more tired at the end of the day, but I am hanging in. On Sunday, I went to the gym and walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill and biked for 2 miles. Monday, I had my first physical therapy visit, and went to the gym again that night on the treadmill and the bike. I could barely walk to my car I hurt so bad! So I am taking a break for a couple of days. I go back to PT tomorrow and will try the gym again tomorrow night. I hope I can go at least 3 days a week. I can now touch my toes with my knees only slightly bent and that was from just one visit. Hopefully, I will be on the tennis courts soon!
Bob and I are getting back to a "normal" routine. I have finally gotten him to have a colonostopy (next week). We could never do it last year as I could not drive him. So now it is his turn to be the patient, and hopefully it will only be for a couple of hours and all will be well!
So life is back to normal so far! I will just keep on bloging for a while!
Next week I have my OBGYN and mammogram appointment. If there are any issues there it also would be unrelated to the sarcoma. Of course I am just anxious as a matter of course. I am not sure how good a mammogram is going to feel with my scares and soreness from the lung surgery, but it is something I need to do. I keep reminding myself I had a PETscan just a couple of months ago and there were no other signs of cancer.
I had someone ask me if I was in "remission". I am not sure that term even applies to me. I thought remission was when you had a cancer was growing or spreading and the treatment, shrunk it or slowed it down. They cut mine out and it never had spread. So am I in "remission"?
Do I say "I have cancer." or "I had cancer.". I am not sure, but since there appears to be no more cancer in my body at this point, I prefer the past tense! It is just soooooo 2007!
I have been working every day, driving around Georgia like a maniac. I am out overnight at least a couple of nights in the next couple of weeks, just like I always. I have to admit, I am a lot more tired at the end of the day, but I am hanging in. On Sunday, I went to the gym and walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill and biked for 2 miles. Monday, I had my first physical therapy visit, and went to the gym again that night on the treadmill and the bike. I could barely walk to my car I hurt so bad! So I am taking a break for a couple of days. I go back to PT tomorrow and will try the gym again tomorrow night. I hope I can go at least 3 days a week. I can now touch my toes with my knees only slightly bent and that was from just one visit. Hopefully, I will be on the tennis courts soon!
Bob and I are getting back to a "normal" routine. I have finally gotten him to have a colonostopy (next week). We could never do it last year as I could not drive him. So now it is his turn to be the patient, and hopefully it will only be for a couple of hours and all will be well!
So life is back to normal so far! I will just keep on bloging for a while!
Monday, January 28, 2008
He's back
Yea! Bob got back on Wednesday afternoon, and boy am I glad. We left Friday morning to go to a meeting I had and did not get home till Sunday. He has barely unpacked. I left this morning for Nashville and will be here till Wednesday. My hotel bed will be the 6th different one I've slept in since Jan 7. Life is back to normal thank heavens. Actually it is a little more hectic than normal right now and will slow down after this. I will probably just be gone 2 or 3 nights a month after this week.
I actually got my hair "cut" last week. They really just cleaned me up a bit -- trimmed around my ears and shaved the back of my neck a bit. My hair is still barely 1/2 long but it is coming back. I did wear my wig at the St. Simon's meeting, but left if at home for Nashville. It is just to distracting and when I have a hot flash I want to rip it off.
I finished another book over the weekend -- The Kite Runner and am just about through with The Memory Keeper's Daughter. I bought Love In the Time of Coholea tonight just in case I finshed my other book and needed something to read in the hotel. I am so excited to be "hooked" reading again.
I do have one doctors appointment this week on Friday. I have to see a retina specialist because I went to the optometrist for my contact lens check they thought they saw something that needed more examination -- maybe caused from chemo. I am not sure what to expect from this. Frankly, I put the appointment off for a few months because dealing with my lung situation was a lot more critical. Now I have a slew of appointments to do all the routing maintenance I did not do last year (lack OBGYN, mammogram, dermatologist). Now even the routine doc appointments get me a little anxious just cause you never know. But I know I cannot live my life in fear.
When I get back on Wednesday I am going to work on starting to cut back on my sleeping pills and try to get off them. I am sure it will take me a while since I am a lousy sleeper anyway.
But it is time to get a bit drug free. And since I start physical therapy next week and will be able to start exercising some maybe I will wear myself out enough to get some decent sleep. I know I will sleep a lot better now that Bob is back!
I actually got my hair "cut" last week. They really just cleaned me up a bit -- trimmed around my ears and shaved the back of my neck a bit. My hair is still barely 1/2 long but it is coming back. I did wear my wig at the St. Simon's meeting, but left if at home for Nashville. It is just to distracting and when I have a hot flash I want to rip it off.
I finished another book over the weekend -- The Kite Runner and am just about through with The Memory Keeper's Daughter. I bought Love In the Time of Coholea tonight just in case I finshed my other book and needed something to read in the hotel. I am so excited to be "hooked" reading again.
I do have one doctors appointment this week on Friday. I have to see a retina specialist because I went to the optometrist for my contact lens check they thought they saw something that needed more examination -- maybe caused from chemo. I am not sure what to expect from this. Frankly, I put the appointment off for a few months because dealing with my lung situation was a lot more critical. Now I have a slew of appointments to do all the routing maintenance I did not do last year (lack OBGYN, mammogram, dermatologist). Now even the routine doc appointments get me a little anxious just cause you never know. But I know I cannot live my life in fear.
When I get back on Wednesday I am going to work on starting to cut back on my sleeping pills and try to get off them. I am sure it will take me a while since I am a lousy sleeper anyway.
But it is time to get a bit drug free. And since I start physical therapy next week and will be able to start exercising some maybe I will wear myself out enough to get some decent sleep. I know I will sleep a lot better now that Bob is back!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
On a roll!
I had an MRI on my leg on Friday and all is well, thank heavens. Doc O has started to call me "Nine Lives" because of the results of my lung surgery. He asked if I had bought a lottery ticket that day, because I was so lucky. I think I've already hit the "jackpot" in so many ways that I do not need the ticket. Now he is going to order my chest CT's instead of Dr. Saba so I do not go back until mid April. He told me soon Dr. Saba (my chemo doctor) is not going to be treating sarcoma patients anymore so he (Doc O) would order all my scans etc. Hopefully I will never meet the new sarcoma oncologist! I am going to start physical therapy soon so maybe I can be on a tennis court in a few months.
I made it through my meetings in Boston okay. They were long days, and I did have trouble sitting up in the hard chairs (even healthy folks did) all day. I was pretty tired at the end of the day and did not participate in many of the nighttime festivities because I wanted to be rested for the next day. The meeting was a good one, and I am so glad I went. I arrived just ahead of snow in Boston and got back on Thursday just after all the snow was gone in Atlanta. I am lucky. By the way, I was one of 14 people who do my job who won our national sales trip. Bob and I will get to go to the Ritz Carleton in Amelia Island in March or so. Not bad for someone who was laid up in bed for most of the year. I am a lot of great support all the way around!
Cindy and Syd came on Friday, and along with Mitzi we had a girl's night dinner out and they all stayed at my house. We all got a little anxious about the weather because of all the snow we were getting so they headed home earlier than expected on Saturday. I went to Susan and Karl's for dinner and came home and watched the Australian Open till the wee hours of the morning. I have not been sleeping that well the last few days (except for the night Syd, Cindy and Mitzi were here) but I am sure I will get over that when Bob comes home on Wednesday. I cannot wait. He is really enjoying being in England with family and will be home on Wednesday. We leave Friday for a weekend meeting at St. Simon's Island that will be fun. The Monday (a week from tomorrow) I leave for another meeting in Nashville for a couple of days. Things will get back to normal after that.
I am so happy and relieved that my MRI came back ok. I was pretty anxious about that but it all turned out great. I am counting my blessings for sure. I will be back with you in a few days!
I made it through my meetings in Boston okay. They were long days, and I did have trouble sitting up in the hard chairs (even healthy folks did) all day. I was pretty tired at the end of the day and did not participate in many of the nighttime festivities because I wanted to be rested for the next day. The meeting was a good one, and I am so glad I went. I arrived just ahead of snow in Boston and got back on Thursday just after all the snow was gone in Atlanta. I am lucky. By the way, I was one of 14 people who do my job who won our national sales trip. Bob and I will get to go to the Ritz Carleton in Amelia Island in March or so. Not bad for someone who was laid up in bed for most of the year. I am a lot of great support all the way around!
Cindy and Syd came on Friday, and along with Mitzi we had a girl's night dinner out and they all stayed at my house. We all got a little anxious about the weather because of all the snow we were getting so they headed home earlier than expected on Saturday. I went to Susan and Karl's for dinner and came home and watched the Australian Open till the wee hours of the morning. I have not been sleeping that well the last few days (except for the night Syd, Cindy and Mitzi were here) but I am sure I will get over that when Bob comes home on Wednesday. I cannot wait. He is really enjoying being in England with family and will be home on Wednesday. We leave Friday for a weekend meeting at St. Simon's Island that will be fun. The Monday (a week from tomorrow) I leave for another meeting in Nashville for a couple of days. Things will get back to normal after that.
I am so happy and relieved that my MRI came back ok. I was pretty anxious about that but it all turned out great. I am counting my blessings for sure. I will be back with you in a few days!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Keeping busy
I am overwhelmed by the emails I have gotten from so many of you and shocked that so many are still checking up on me and reading the blog. You cannot imagine how lucky I feel to have so many loving and supportive friends and family.
I am managing okay this week without Bob. Friends and neighbors have been keeping me busy. I have hardly had dinner alone at home this week, and I am so appreciative for the company. I have been to bed early and still waking up really early and all hours of the night. I am not sure how much is jet lag or just missing Bob not being here. I still get tired really easily, but I just rest -- not even nap -- for an hour or so I usually bounce back for a bit.
I leave for Boston at noon tomorrow. I am a bit anxious about being able to sit in a meeting in a straight chair for a couple of days but I am going to try my best. They are really good about taking breaks every hour so that should help. The big decision now is whether to wear the wig or not. Its not that it hurts but I do start having hot flashes and I just want to rip it off. And sometime it is just annoying. People I have been around this week keep telling me I can get away without it, but I just don't know. If only my hair were a half an inch longer! Anyway, I have a knit hat I can wear that is pretty comfortable and defintely have to wear that some of the time. Often my head just gets really cold so I need it. I will take the wig with me and just have to figure it out when I get there. I will certainly not be wearing it on the plane.
I will probably not have time to blog again until after my MRI on Friday. I see the doctor (Doc O) right after so I ususally get the results then and there. I will report back then.
Have a good week!
I am managing okay this week without Bob. Friends and neighbors have been keeping me busy. I have hardly had dinner alone at home this week, and I am so appreciative for the company. I have been to bed early and still waking up really early and all hours of the night. I am not sure how much is jet lag or just missing Bob not being here. I still get tired really easily, but I just rest -- not even nap -- for an hour or so I usually bounce back for a bit.
I leave for Boston at noon tomorrow. I am a bit anxious about being able to sit in a meeting in a straight chair for a couple of days but I am going to try my best. They are really good about taking breaks every hour so that should help. The big decision now is whether to wear the wig or not. Its not that it hurts but I do start having hot flashes and I just want to rip it off. And sometime it is just annoying. People I have been around this week keep telling me I can get away without it, but I just don't know. If only my hair were a half an inch longer! Anyway, I have a knit hat I can wear that is pretty comfortable and defintely have to wear that some of the time. Often my head just gets really cold so I need it. I will take the wig with me and just have to figure it out when I get there. I will certainly not be wearing it on the plane.
I will probably not have time to blog again until after my MRI on Friday. I see the doctor (Doc O) right after so I ususally get the results then and there. I will report back then.
Have a good week!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Back in the USA
I made it to England and back safe and sound. The only problem was the vacation went by too fast! The actual travel portion was much easier than I anticipated. Delta and their wheelchair service made it very easy for me to get though security, customs etc and get to the gate. We were traveling Business Class so my seat was fairly comfortable -- for an airplane anyway. Since our flight left at 7:30pm they fed us shortly after we took off. By the end of the meal, I read my book for a while and then got a little sleep. We had 100 mph tail winds and arrived early, so it was a quick 7.5 hour flight. Unfortunately, the return trip was 9.5 hours and a very long day!
It was so great to see Bob's family and friends. We were entertained royally (ok - no Queen Elizabeth or Prince Charles, but royal enough), and I am just so glad we got to go. I have to admit, there was a time period, before we knew the great results of my lung surgery, that I was not sure when I would ever be well enough to go over there and see everyone, so this trip was especially important to both of us. Bob is still there and is not coming home for a couple of weeks. We could not the get schedule such that we could see his kids while I was there as they live 250 miles or so from his mother, so he will see them next week for a few days as he travels back to London for the return trip home. However, his daughter Becky surprised us with a visit on New Year's Day and was able to spend a few days with us. That was a great treat, and I really appreciate her coming. She and Anna (Bob's niece) may even come over and visit us this summer for a couple of weeks.
We mainly just visited and ate. We were always getting fed! I took it pretty easy and was not very active. The time change and jet lag really gets to me and this time is seemed just as I was adjusting, it was time to come home. They all took great care of me and would hardly let me lift a finger. My pain has gotten a lot better (depending on how I am sitting) but I still get tired easily. I do pretty well on a sofa or soft chair, but can't sit on a straight chair (kitchen, dining type chair) very long. I had my share of tea (and I do not mean "sweet tea) and my afternoon sherry. Nanny, Bob's Mom, has this incredible fireplace that is very cozy and puts out a lot of heat. Late in the evening, I would shower and put my robe on ,and we'd all sit around the fire and sip either a glass of sherry or Bailey's Irish Creme and talk or watch telly (that is "English" for TV). It was a great way to end the day. I'll bet Bob and Nanny are doing that right now as I write you.
It is always hard for me to leave there and this trip was especially hard. It just seemed to take so long for us to be able to go there, that it was hard to leave so soon. And it was really hard for me to leave Bob. I got so dependent on him for everything this year, and I was almost scared to leave. I know I have told you many times I am not a very weepy girl -- of course that has changed a lot this year. Tuesday night when I was eating in the hotel by myself (so I could get an early flight home on Wednesday) I just burst into tears waiting for my food. I was facing a window, so no one could really see me which was a good thing! I felt like such a baby. Also, Tuesday was the first day I'd ever seen my leg wound. Bob has been taking care of it, but I had to learn how to do it. Since it is in the back of my upper thigh, I have to back up to a mirror to bandage it. It was really pretty shocking for me to see it, knowing what all I had been through and that was hard. So it was an emotional day all the way around. But I made it though and after a very long day, got home last night about 6:30pm. I was asleep by 9pm (since my body thought it was about 2am) and wide awake this morning at 4am. I worked at home today and will go into the office tomorrow early and then make a couple of agency visits. I am hoping I will still be messed up enough to go to bed early and get up and get to the office about 7am. My body will adjust by Sunday or so, just in time to go to Boston for a meeting for a few days.
I am back at work full force and have a crazy schedule for the next couple of weeks. Before the end of the month I have 3 out of town meetings -- Boston, St. Simon's Island, and Nashville. I am a little nervous about my fatigue but I will just do what I can do. The Boston meeting starts Monday at 5pm. I am going up Sunday, so it won't be so hectic and I can rest before it gets started Monday night. It ends Wednesday at 4pm but I am going to stay an extra night and come home Thursday morning. I am just really afraid about the long days, and my company is great to let me go up early and stay late so I don't wear myself out.
My sister Cindy is coming the day I get back, and she will go with me to have the MRI on my leg on the 18th. I am a bit nervous about the scan even though I feel certain it will be good news. I did not want to schedule it while Bob was away but with my crazy travel schedule this month, I had no other choice. I am so glad Cindy will go with me. Syd will come over on Friday and they will keep me company for the weekend.
I mentioned earlier that I read on the plane. You have no idea what a bit deal that is. In the last year while I was sick, I only read one book. I did not even listen to one on tape or CD either. And I am an avid reader. The chemo or just my state of mind would not let me focus long enough to even think about reading, but now I just do anything I can to find time to read. I read The Other Boelyn Girl most of the trip and picked up another by the same author at the airport on the way home. I read most of the 9.5 hours home and am about 3/4ths finished. So tonight I will read a little and crash early, I hope.
The last time I even thought about ending the blog, they found the spots on my lungs. So I am not going to think about ending it yet. At some point, you will get tired of reading and I will get too busy (I hope) to write and it will just fade away. Or not. I don't really know if anyone is reading it now, but it is good therapy for me, so I will just continue on for awhile.
I hope you all had as wonderful a new year as we did. Thank you all for helping me get through 2007. 2008 is going to be great!
It was so great to see Bob's family and friends. We were entertained royally (ok - no Queen Elizabeth or Prince Charles, but royal enough), and I am just so glad we got to go. I have to admit, there was a time period, before we knew the great results of my lung surgery, that I was not sure when I would ever be well enough to go over there and see everyone, so this trip was especially important to both of us. Bob is still there and is not coming home for a couple of weeks. We could not the get schedule such that we could see his kids while I was there as they live 250 miles or so from his mother, so he will see them next week for a few days as he travels back to London for the return trip home. However, his daughter Becky surprised us with a visit on New Year's Day and was able to spend a few days with us. That was a great treat, and I really appreciate her coming. She and Anna (Bob's niece) may even come over and visit us this summer for a couple of weeks.
We mainly just visited and ate. We were always getting fed! I took it pretty easy and was not very active. The time change and jet lag really gets to me and this time is seemed just as I was adjusting, it was time to come home. They all took great care of me and would hardly let me lift a finger. My pain has gotten a lot better (depending on how I am sitting) but I still get tired easily. I do pretty well on a sofa or soft chair, but can't sit on a straight chair (kitchen, dining type chair) very long. I had my share of tea (and I do not mean "sweet tea) and my afternoon sherry. Nanny, Bob's Mom, has this incredible fireplace that is very cozy and puts out a lot of heat. Late in the evening, I would shower and put my robe on ,and we'd all sit around the fire and sip either a glass of sherry or Bailey's Irish Creme and talk or watch telly (that is "English" for TV). It was a great way to end the day. I'll bet Bob and Nanny are doing that right now as I write you.
It is always hard for me to leave there and this trip was especially hard. It just seemed to take so long for us to be able to go there, that it was hard to leave so soon. And it was really hard for me to leave Bob. I got so dependent on him for everything this year, and I was almost scared to leave. I know I have told you many times I am not a very weepy girl -- of course that has changed a lot this year. Tuesday night when I was eating in the hotel by myself (so I could get an early flight home on Wednesday) I just burst into tears waiting for my food. I was facing a window, so no one could really see me which was a good thing! I felt like such a baby. Also, Tuesday was the first day I'd ever seen my leg wound. Bob has been taking care of it, but I had to learn how to do it. Since it is in the back of my upper thigh, I have to back up to a mirror to bandage it. It was really pretty shocking for me to see it, knowing what all I had been through and that was hard. So it was an emotional day all the way around. But I made it though and after a very long day, got home last night about 6:30pm. I was asleep by 9pm (since my body thought it was about 2am) and wide awake this morning at 4am. I worked at home today and will go into the office tomorrow early and then make a couple of agency visits. I am hoping I will still be messed up enough to go to bed early and get up and get to the office about 7am. My body will adjust by Sunday or so, just in time to go to Boston for a meeting for a few days.
I am back at work full force and have a crazy schedule for the next couple of weeks. Before the end of the month I have 3 out of town meetings -- Boston, St. Simon's Island, and Nashville. I am a little nervous about my fatigue but I will just do what I can do. The Boston meeting starts Monday at 5pm. I am going up Sunday, so it won't be so hectic and I can rest before it gets started Monday night. It ends Wednesday at 4pm but I am going to stay an extra night and come home Thursday morning. I am just really afraid about the long days, and my company is great to let me go up early and stay late so I don't wear myself out.
My sister Cindy is coming the day I get back, and she will go with me to have the MRI on my leg on the 18th. I am a bit nervous about the scan even though I feel certain it will be good news. I did not want to schedule it while Bob was away but with my crazy travel schedule this month, I had no other choice. I am so glad Cindy will go with me. Syd will come over on Friday and they will keep me company for the weekend.
I mentioned earlier that I read on the plane. You have no idea what a bit deal that is. In the last year while I was sick, I only read one book. I did not even listen to one on tape or CD either. And I am an avid reader. The chemo or just my state of mind would not let me focus long enough to even think about reading, but now I just do anything I can to find time to read. I read The Other Boelyn Girl most of the trip and picked up another by the same author at the airport on the way home. I read most of the 9.5 hours home and am about 3/4ths finished. So tonight I will read a little and crash early, I hope.
The last time I even thought about ending the blog, they found the spots on my lungs. So I am not going to think about ending it yet. At some point, you will get tired of reading and I will get too busy (I hope) to write and it will just fade away. Or not. I don't really know if anyone is reading it now, but it is good therapy for me, so I will just continue on for awhile.
I hope you all had as wonderful a new year as we did. Thank you all for helping me get through 2007. 2008 is going to be great!
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