Less freaked out

I wanted to wait a couple of days and try to gain a little perspective before I blogged again. The support group was quite shocking for me to see so many folks whose Sarcoma came back. I had to remind myself that the patients who were not having reoccurances did not even know about the support group. And as you get further and further away from treatment you do tend to start seeing yourself seperate from the "diease" and not one of "them". Of course a couple of weeks before the next set of scans, the fear does start all over again. I am still debating whether the support group is a good thing for me. I am going to go a few more times and see how I feel. I do think I do need to get more educated about this diease, and meet some people that may be experiencing the same things I am thinking and feeling. But I do not want it to be all consuming either, so I have to make sure that does not happen.

I am going to go to the "Celebration of Living" program tomorrow that Emory is putting on about cancer. I was not going to go at first, but I started talking to Virginia, the woman I met at the support group, and we decided to meet and attend some of the seminars together. She really seems like someone I would enjoy getting to know, and maybe by reaching out to her, I can help both of us. I have no idea how, but somehow this seems like the right thing to do. I still have not figured out my way to "give back" but maybe developing new friendships with folks going through a difficult time like this ( and something I could go through again myself) will spark some ideas. And it never hurts to have more friends. I am a little afraid of developing relationships and watching some of these people going through horrible times, maybe even death. It is so much easier to stick my head in the sand and stay away from it all. Then I can go on pretending that it may never happen to me. I don't know how much reality I am ready for, but I think this is something I want to do. Please don't think that I have resigned myself to thinking that the sarcoma is going to come back. I have not given up and am still feeling very positive. I am so grateful my scans are good, and I am going to do everything I can to continue to have fun and enjoy my life each and every day.

Enough of all that. Bob and I are getting excited about our trip to England. I have so much to do with work and stuff around the house before we leave. I am traveling a little for work next week and will also head to south GA for work for a day or two when I drop Bob at the airport when he goes to England a week or so before me.

We got a chance to really drive the convertible last weekend. I had gone to Amelia Island for a convention and flew back from Jacksonville, FL last Saturday afternoon. Somehow, a man on the bus I took from the airport to the parking lot, got off the bus with my suitcase and left his. I did not realize it until the bus driver pulled up to my car. Not only did he have my clothes, but he had my car keys too. My purse strap had broken, and I put all purse items in my suitcase. To make it worse, we only have one set of keys to the car I had at the airport (not the Miata). And, the man who took my suitcase did not have a luggage tag on his. It was a whole big mess, but in the end I found the man. He did not live far from us, and I got my suitcase and keys back. Bob had to come and get me, take me home to meet the man with my keys and then take me back to the airport. That is how we got to drive the new car with the top down a lot. It was a cool night, and it made the whole horrid experience a lot easier. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I have really good kharma with "lost" items. I've lost my purse at least 3 times since Bob and I have been married and gotten it back everytime all in tact. Once was at the airport in Brussels, Belgium, and I got it back from the lost and found when we flew through there the following week. Another time in Leicester Square in London while purchasing tickets to the theatre I left my wallet (a big travel wallet with our passports in it) on the counter. Someone turned it in right away. And not long after that I left my purse in a shopping cart outside the grocery store. When I got home and realized it, I called the store and some honest person had turned it in. I was not really suprised when I got my suitcase back easily and totally in tact. I hope I have just not jinxed my whole Kharma by telling you all this. By the way, I have really bad kharma with staplers. If one runs out of staples, and I put new ones in it always jams and break the stapler. I will trade staples for my purse any day of the week.

Take care! I will blog again soon!

The best news

Today was scan day -- MRI on the leg and CT on the lungs. I have been pretty much a wreck about it for weeks. I am like a kid with ADD. I was unable to focus on anything very long, restless, anxious, every ache scared me to death.
But I got good news from DocO. Everything looks great and lungs and leg are all clear. The trip to England is on, and I have no restrictions. I see him for lung scan in Sept. I will probably see Dr.
Saba, the medical oncologist, just as a follow up in the next week or two.

But I feel like I went from the sublime to the ridiculas. I went to the Sarcoma support group tonight. I've been feeling like I need to "give back", and this was my way to start. I thought there would be a lot of first timers, and I could be their Queen or something. I figured they'd be in treatment and see me all healthy, tan, happy, working and give them "hope" they could be me in 18 months. Well, who was I kidding? While some of them were new patients, many were reoccurance patience where the cancer had gone back to original site and/or lungs. I went in there feeling like a million bucks and left feeling like an ignorant, but very lucky so far, lady. One person I was particulaly interested in, Virginia, was diagnosed with some sort of skeletal sarcoma 19 years ago in her leg. It is now back in her leg and lungs. She, in fact, had her leg amputated (there were 2 amputees in the meeting.) She was just darling, in outside sales like me, had her laptop, making sales call form the chemo center, just like I was. The spots on lungs have not grown since August, which is good. But I realize now this is never go to leave me. It is always going to be a part of my life and could come back any time. I really am going to make an effort to really live life to the fullest while I can. The bad news was that Virginia had this reoccurance after 19 years clean . Good news is that she so far has had 19 years! I'd sign off on that number today! She has a great attitude and was interesting to talk too. There were others I hope to become friendly with but there was not much time for individual conversation.

So I went from being "freaky happy" to just being "freaked" out. I am gaining some different perspective and will probably blog more soon on that. Thanks for all the emails and calls today. All is well--thanks heavens! Love, Geri