Last day for round one. It started pretty rough, and I felt pretty bad all morning. For some reason I do that on Day 3 and 4. I started to ralley around all. I don't if the pre-nausea drugs bring me back or it is some stuff I've taken, but I do feel much better. I will be out of here in 3 hours. I see the surgeon tomorrow and will have to have fluids from Home Health Care
Fri, Sat and Sun at 4 hours each. That is okay since it will make me better.
Next week will probably not be much fun. I come in on Tues for labs and will see the Nurse Practitioner. That is when my white counts start dropping and I start running fever. Maybe weekend fluids will help and I will stay away from folks and try not to pick up any virus over the weekend. Should be very boring and dull. But hey, I am almost through with all this so I can handle anything for a few weeks. That is what I have to keep reminding myself. I will be back to normal soon and that is what counts.
I heard at work they can no longer get my blog because the system will not allow it. I know they are working with our IT folks to try to get access to it which is really nice they care so much.
Nothing new to report. Stay tuned.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Day 3 of 4
I am feeling a bit yuckier today. Really tired, as I was last nite and just a little jittery. I can't get my body thermometer regulated and I flash between hot and cold. I am thirsty and need to drink a lot but I have all these things I am plugged into so going to the bathroom is a pain. I sleep for an hour or so (some may have had to do with Nurse Kathy coming at 7 and
I took to pain pills and an Ativan to prepare for her).
The fluid they flush through me has made me gain 10 lbs which should be gone by Friday but it does make you miserable. Gosh I hope my new chemo clothes will fit! Watching the US Open and trying to do some work but I don't feel much like talking and I have calls to return
But tomorrow is the last day!
Yea -round 1 almost over.
I took to pain pills and an Ativan to prepare for her).
The fluid they flush through me has made me gain 10 lbs which should be gone by Friday but it does make you miserable. Gosh I hope my new chemo clothes will fit! Watching the US Open and trying to do some work but I don't feel much like talking and I have calls to return
But tomorrow is the last day!
Yea -round 1 almost over.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Round one, day 2
Feeling find just a little drowsey. I think the anti-nausea drugs do this. It is hard to focus at times on anything detailed so I do what I can do when I can do it. Yesterday was a good day but very long. I got out of here a little earlier than expected for my usual long Monday -- about 5:45. Friend Debbie picked me up and brought dinner for us and took me home. It was really good, and I ate well. We have left overs from Susan's from Sunday for tonight, so no cooking for Bob. I can't recall when it is I start losing my appetite, but all the fluids they flushed in me yesterday caused me to gain 7 pounds in one day. Ususally by the time I finish at the end of the week I have a net loss, but this yuckky bloated feeling in gross.
A little problem with the wound vac. It would give an error message, drop suckage volume, say it was clogged and then be ok. Sometimes it would shut itself down altogether.
We did most of the things we knew to do from the past and they did not work. We called tech support at 9. He was at a hopsital and said he had 4 hours of work there. He would have to go home and get us new equiptment at 1am and call us. I called nurse Kathy to tell her she may need to be at our house at 7am to get the new sponge changed before chemo since the machine may shut down from more than 2 hours and then it becomes necessary.
A little later I convinced Bob to try the one thing we had not tried -- take the bandaging and tubing off the would and see if it was not the machine itself. We finally did that and discovered the tube whole was not exactly placed over the wound (probably Kathy's fault but the machine should not be that sensitive!). There was some of the wound skin sucked up into the hole and blocking it. Bob fixed it and put in a new dressing. After watching it for about an hour we called tech support to advise him not to call us at 1am about not coming. Part of me really wanted to NOT tell him so we could just see if we did hear back from him. Anyway we let Kathy know as well about 8am so it is fixed, Bob is my hero as always, and all is right with the world.
Paula is coming to get me today and they are working diligently to get me pumped through and out by 4pm. I am getting a little sleepy so I will make a few phone calls in a minute and then take a little nap! Thanks for helping me get through the next to the last round!
A little problem with the wound vac. It would give an error message, drop suckage volume, say it was clogged and then be ok. Sometimes it would shut itself down altogether.
We did most of the things we knew to do from the past and they did not work. We called tech support at 9. He was at a hopsital and said he had 4 hours of work there. He would have to go home and get us new equiptment at 1am and call us. I called nurse Kathy to tell her she may need to be at our house at 7am to get the new sponge changed before chemo since the machine may shut down from more than 2 hours and then it becomes necessary.
A little later I convinced Bob to try the one thing we had not tried -- take the bandaging and tubing off the would and see if it was not the machine itself. We finally did that and discovered the tube whole was not exactly placed over the wound (probably Kathy's fault but the machine should not be that sensitive!). There was some of the wound skin sucked up into the hole and blocking it. Bob fixed it and put in a new dressing. After watching it for about an hour we called tech support to advise him not to call us at 1am about not coming. Part of me really wanted to NOT tell him so we could just see if we did hear back from him. Anyway we let Kathy know as well about 8am so it is fixed, Bob is my hero as always, and all is right with the world.
Paula is coming to get me today and they are working diligently to get me pumped through and out by 4pm. I am getting a little sleepy so I will make a few phone calls in a minute and then take a little nap! Thanks for helping me get through the next to the last round!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Here we go again
Well at least I am coming off a really good week before starting chemo today. I have been out to both lunch and dinner a couple of times and even cooked a couple of meals myself. I got to ride in Jill's great convertible (Solara) to lunch, albeit a95 degree temp, but it was great and I still really want one when this is all over! I got about an hour of shopping in on Friday -- needed new chemo clothes. Now that I have a PICC line instead of a port I no longer needed tops with zippers to access the port, but sleveless shirts with sweaters so they could get to the PICC line. Because of the wound vac, I needed only dresses or skirts because of the tubing that runs down my leg. Who knew that chemo has special clothing attire? Or I just needed an excuse to buy a new outfit.
I had pretty decent work days this week too. Kendra, my boss, was here on Thursday, and she came over and we worked in the sunporch for a couple of hours. I was able to sit in the chairs at the table there without getting too uncomfortable. It was good to see her, and we got to work on somethings I am really excited about. Boy I miss work! It won't be long now.
I went against nurses orders on Saturday and drove 2 miles to my manicure appmt. I knew Susan, my manicurist would not have time to come out this week, and I really wanted to get my nails done before chemo. I did ok but I was really tired when I got home. It is a bit awkward driving with all the tubes and having to sit on one of them, but I was fine really since it was such a short distance. Saturday night we met Syd, Jim and Zola halfway from Gainesville and went to dinner with them for their birthday. This was really a bid deal for me. We could not get booth, which is usually easier for me as I can lean away from the tubing, but we managed just fine. We had a fun time and a good dinner, and I almost felt like a normal human -- the haircut and wound vac gave me away however.
About 4am Sunday morning, the wound vac alarm went off. The error message was on we'd never seen before so we knew we would have to call the technicians. They said they local guy would call us about coming out and replacing the equipment within an hour or so. I knew if the machine was off more than 2 hours Kathy would have to come out and replace the sponge. By 8am we still had not heard from about the equipment replacement. I called Kathy who was camping with her husband at Stone Mountain just so she would be on notice that she would need to see my some time on Sunday. She told me to go ahead and disconnect from the wound vacc and bandage up. That was like music to my ears and gave me real freedom for a few hours. After 3 or 4 calls to the wound vac folks it did show up before 1pm. Kathy came about 3. In the meantime, I got to go to Publix (drove myself!) without my machine, tail etc and it was great. My leg hurts a lot less when the wound vac is not connected, not to mention I can move around a whole lot better! I even took a shower (yea) before Kathy arrived. It is the little things in life that can make you happy some times!
We had dinner at Susan and Karl's which was delicious and sort of the last real meal I will probably have the appetite to eat for a while. Luckily Susan sent us away with leftovers so if I can eat Bob is off the hook for cooking for tonight.
So, here I am back in chemo where I started in February. Dr. Saba says my scans are all good so all systems are go. I am ready to get this over with. Bob just left (noon) after getting me settled in and Gloria will be here this afternoon to get me home. I feel pretty good and will do what I can to keep my appetite good and drink a lot. I did discover Ensure and I don't mind drinking it, so I will try to have at least 2 of those a day. They do have Protein and Potassium which is something I really need.
I am going to try to go and get some work done. Thanks for all your good wishes. We are down for the count now, and I am going to be good as new (maybe better with my svelte (sp) body and bionic leg parts) soon!
I had pretty decent work days this week too. Kendra, my boss, was here on Thursday, and she came over and we worked in the sunporch for a couple of hours. I was able to sit in the chairs at the table there without getting too uncomfortable. It was good to see her, and we got to work on somethings I am really excited about. Boy I miss work! It won't be long now.
I went against nurses orders on Saturday and drove 2 miles to my manicure appmt. I knew Susan, my manicurist would not have time to come out this week, and I really wanted to get my nails done before chemo. I did ok but I was really tired when I got home. It is a bit awkward driving with all the tubes and having to sit on one of them, but I was fine really since it was such a short distance. Saturday night we met Syd, Jim and Zola halfway from Gainesville and went to dinner with them for their birthday. This was really a bid deal for me. We could not get booth, which is usually easier for me as I can lean away from the tubing, but we managed just fine. We had a fun time and a good dinner, and I almost felt like a normal human -- the haircut and wound vac gave me away however.
About 4am Sunday morning, the wound vac alarm went off. The error message was on we'd never seen before so we knew we would have to call the technicians. They said they local guy would call us about coming out and replacing the equipment within an hour or so. I knew if the machine was off more than 2 hours Kathy would have to come out and replace the sponge. By 8am we still had not heard from about the equipment replacement. I called Kathy who was camping with her husband at Stone Mountain just so she would be on notice that she would need to see my some time on Sunday. She told me to go ahead and disconnect from the wound vacc and bandage up. That was like music to my ears and gave me real freedom for a few hours. After 3 or 4 calls to the wound vac folks it did show up before 1pm. Kathy came about 3. In the meantime, I got to go to Publix (drove myself!) without my machine, tail etc and it was great. My leg hurts a lot less when the wound vac is not connected, not to mention I can move around a whole lot better! I even took a shower (yea) before Kathy arrived. It is the little things in life that can make you happy some times!
We had dinner at Susan and Karl's which was delicious and sort of the last real meal I will probably have the appetite to eat for a while. Luckily Susan sent us away with leftovers so if I can eat Bob is off the hook for cooking for tonight.
So, here I am back in chemo where I started in February. Dr. Saba says my scans are all good so all systems are go. I am ready to get this over with. Bob just left (noon) after getting me settled in and Gloria will be here this afternoon to get me home. I feel pretty good and will do what I can to keep my appetite good and drink a lot. I did discover Ensure and I don't mind drinking it, so I will try to have at least 2 of those a day. They do have Protein and Potassium which is something I really need.
I am going to try to go and get some work done. Thanks for all your good wishes. We are down for the count now, and I am going to be good as new (maybe better with my svelte (sp) body and bionic leg parts) soon!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Good days
We've had a good few days with only minimal crises, thank goodness. I am still trying to get out for at least a few minutes each day--dressed in something other than a tee shirt and boxer shorts. Monday was really a big work day. I had a couple of conference calls and friend/co-worker Melinda came over and worked with me some at home, and we had an exciting outing to the Sprint store to get a bluetooth headset for my new cell phone. We even went in Publix for 5 minutes.
Tuesday was my dental appointment at 8am. I never knew getting my teeth cleaned would be so much fun. The friend and business associate, Jill came over here yesterday and we did a little work and actually went to Longhorn for lunch, only my second dining out experience in 6 months! I've learned I have to sit in a booth where I can lean on the wall and bring a little pillow to help. While it is not the most comfortable way to dine (no way really is right now) it is worth getting out and being social for a change.
Wednesday was a little more hairy. I had the appointment to have my PICC line put in so I could get chemo next week. I got there at 7:45 for an 8am procedure. They did not get me back to the surgeon till 10:20, and we were out of there by 11. It is the waiting that gets you. It did not hurt during the process, but my arm is pretty sore now, but not unbearable. Nurse Kathy came to her thing about 1pm. She hurt me. It is not her personally, but it is the nature of what she has to do, that hurts. And it continues to be sore for a day or so (usually just about untill the day she comes back - Mon-Wed-Fri) to do it again. I had time to work in the afternoon and, being the social animal I am (trying to become), I went to dinner with friend Rita. Two meals out in two days. Wow! Again, I get tired really quick, but it is worth the try. We had wanted to go out before I started chemo and go into hibernation for a month, and it was really good and fun.
When I came back about 9am I noticed my wound vacuum said it was working appropriately, but nothing was going through the tubing. We have been here before. I did a good job of not freaking out (as I had on Tuesday night when the machine cut itself off, but only because the canister was full -- easily fixed-- but raised my anxiety level about 500%). We knew Nurse Kathy was in Macon and would not be back till Friday. We could call, and we knew what she would say to do -- turn it off, take off the bandaging, put on some regular bandaging (we've discovered maxi-pads to be the best!) and she would get someone else out in the morning. Being the Doctor/engineer that he is, Bob already knew what was wrong and how to fix it. Without getting to technical, it is really Nurse Kathy's fault. They way she cuts some of the bandaging causes it to get sucked into the vaccuum and block anything else from being sucked in. This is really more a laws of science (physics) issue than medical, so really, Bob is the expert here. We have been trying to figure out a way to tell Kathy how she is screwing this up (as it has happened a few times) so we figure on Friday, when she comes, we are just going to have to come clean. We removed the bandaging (I did that is --I no longer let anyway take tape off me. They just cannot feel it the way I do and they hurt me. Little hairs stuck to tape hurt when you rip them off!) and Bob cut the new bandaging and tubing the way it should have been cut, and we re-bandaged, hooked up the machine and it worked! We knew there was no way Home Health would have allowed us to do this since they are liable. He did not touch the wound and was really more sterile than Kathy usually is. Science, and common sense, won out over medical "know how". So we will confess to Kathy on Friday, and Bob will have to figure out a way to tell her what she has been doing wrong. He manages to do this with me all the time, so I am sure he will have no problem doing it! Hopefully, he will be a little more tactful than he is with me!
Thank heavens for Bob. I just don't know what I would do without him -- and it is not just the emotional and physical support. I am pretty sure his vast knowledge and common sense has done so much to improve my medical condition and keep me alive on a day to day basis. Being able just to run this equiptment they keep throwing at us has been huge. We never seem to get any machines or procedures that don't break or go haywire at some point. I am clueless about it all and get hysterical. Bob stays cool and calm and just fixes everything. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have him. I am a little concerned that I am getting too dependent on him which is really strange for someone like me who spent so many years being single and relying on no one but myself. The test will be my first night out of town alone on business, or if he goes to England for a couple of weeks without me. I know I can handle it, but I know I will feel differently about being apart from him than I did last year. While I always miss him, it will not be the same. He has become my lifeline at a critical period of my life when I needed it. I am so fortunate.
I am dreading and looking forward to chemo. I hate the way I feel physically when I am there, but mentally I do feel a strange sense of security just in the chemo room. Maybe it is knowing what they did in there and in radiation killed the cancer. Or just knowing if something goes wrong there are tons of medical experts just right there (although Bob has been a lot more valuable in many instances). Of course he is usually there with me too for a good part of the day so I have the best of both worlds. The US Open starts Monday so I will have something to watch. Marva, one of the nurses, is huge tennis fan (as a spectator not a player) and she knows much more about the players than I do, so it will be fun to get to watch it some with her. We always figured I would be back for my last rounds of chemo either around Wimbledon or the US Open. I am not looking forward to feeling crappy for the next month or so on top of still carrying this wound vac with me too. While in chemo treatment, I have this other thing I have to carry with me 24 hrs a day for 3 days. It will be connected to tubing in my left arm. The wound vac is connected to my right leg. So I will have tubing all over the place. What a pain! But if all goes well, by this time next month, I will be ending my last chemo treatment! So I guess I am looking forward to getting started Monday!
Tuesday was my dental appointment at 8am. I never knew getting my teeth cleaned would be so much fun. The friend and business associate, Jill came over here yesterday and we did a little work and actually went to Longhorn for lunch, only my second dining out experience in 6 months! I've learned I have to sit in a booth where I can lean on the wall and bring a little pillow to help. While it is not the most comfortable way to dine (no way really is right now) it is worth getting out and being social for a change.
Wednesday was a little more hairy. I had the appointment to have my PICC line put in so I could get chemo next week. I got there at 7:45 for an 8am procedure. They did not get me back to the surgeon till 10:20, and we were out of there by 11. It is the waiting that gets you. It did not hurt during the process, but my arm is pretty sore now, but not unbearable. Nurse Kathy came to her thing about 1pm. She hurt me. It is not her personally, but it is the nature of what she has to do, that hurts. And it continues to be sore for a day or so (usually just about untill the day she comes back - Mon-Wed-Fri) to do it again. I had time to work in the afternoon and, being the social animal I am (trying to become), I went to dinner with friend Rita. Two meals out in two days. Wow! Again, I get tired really quick, but it is worth the try. We had wanted to go out before I started chemo and go into hibernation for a month, and it was really good and fun.
When I came back about 9am I noticed my wound vacuum said it was working appropriately, but nothing was going through the tubing. We have been here before. I did a good job of not freaking out (as I had on Tuesday night when the machine cut itself off, but only because the canister was full -- easily fixed-- but raised my anxiety level about 500%). We knew Nurse Kathy was in Macon and would not be back till Friday. We could call, and we knew what she would say to do -- turn it off, take off the bandaging, put on some regular bandaging (we've discovered maxi-pads to be the best!) and she would get someone else out in the morning. Being the Doctor/engineer that he is, Bob already knew what was wrong and how to fix it. Without getting to technical, it is really Nurse Kathy's fault. They way she cuts some of the bandaging causes it to get sucked into the vaccuum and block anything else from being sucked in. This is really more a laws of science (physics) issue than medical, so really, Bob is the expert here. We have been trying to figure out a way to tell Kathy how she is screwing this up (as it has happened a few times) so we figure on Friday, when she comes, we are just going to have to come clean. We removed the bandaging (I did that is --I no longer let anyway take tape off me. They just cannot feel it the way I do and they hurt me. Little hairs stuck to tape hurt when you rip them off!) and Bob cut the new bandaging and tubing the way it should have been cut, and we re-bandaged, hooked up the machine and it worked! We knew there was no way Home Health would have allowed us to do this since they are liable. He did not touch the wound and was really more sterile than Kathy usually is. Science, and common sense, won out over medical "know how". So we will confess to Kathy on Friday, and Bob will have to figure out a way to tell her what she has been doing wrong. He manages to do this with me all the time, so I am sure he will have no problem doing it! Hopefully, he will be a little more tactful than he is with me!
Thank heavens for Bob. I just don't know what I would do without him -- and it is not just the emotional and physical support. I am pretty sure his vast knowledge and common sense has done so much to improve my medical condition and keep me alive on a day to day basis. Being able just to run this equiptment they keep throwing at us has been huge. We never seem to get any machines or procedures that don't break or go haywire at some point. I am clueless about it all and get hysterical. Bob stays cool and calm and just fixes everything. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have him. I am a little concerned that I am getting too dependent on him which is really strange for someone like me who spent so many years being single and relying on no one but myself. The test will be my first night out of town alone on business, or if he goes to England for a couple of weeks without me. I know I can handle it, but I know I will feel differently about being apart from him than I did last year. While I always miss him, it will not be the same. He has become my lifeline at a critical period of my life when I needed it. I am so fortunate.
I am dreading and looking forward to chemo. I hate the way I feel physically when I am there, but mentally I do feel a strange sense of security just in the chemo room. Maybe it is knowing what they did in there and in radiation killed the cancer. Or just knowing if something goes wrong there are tons of medical experts just right there (although Bob has been a lot more valuable in many instances). Of course he is usually there with me too for a good part of the day so I have the best of both worlds. The US Open starts Monday so I will have something to watch. Marva, one of the nurses, is huge tennis fan (as a spectator not a player) and she knows much more about the players than I do, so it will be fun to get to watch it some with her. We always figured I would be back for my last rounds of chemo either around Wimbledon or the US Open. I am not looking forward to feeling crappy for the next month or so on top of still carrying this wound vac with me too. While in chemo treatment, I have this other thing I have to carry with me 24 hrs a day for 3 days. It will be connected to tubing in my left arm. The wound vac is connected to my right leg. So I will have tubing all over the place. What a pain! But if all goes well, by this time next month, I will be ending my last chemo treatment! So I guess I am looking forward to getting started Monday!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Coming off a nice weekend
I really had a nice weekend from a personal perspective. My friend Sharon was here Friday night. She cooked a great dinner for us, and then she and I just talked for hours. I have not seen her much since she moved to TN, so it was wonderful to catch up just like old times.
Sharon and I gabbed till about midnight, and when Bob came up to be I noticed a problem with the wound vacuum. It was not holding pressure at all. We called the equipment owners, and they walked Bob through a bunch of diagnostic testing, and while there was a slight problem there, it appeared the bigger problem was with a blockage in the wound. We ended up having to call Nurse Kathy about 1:30am Saturday morning. She was camping with her family at Lake Alatoona, and the campsite locks everyone in (and everyone else out) at 11pm so she could not come out here. She gave us instructions about how to patch me up till morning. KCI, who owns the equipment and Kathy were both out fixing me up first thing Saturday morning. Needless to say we got no sleep Friday, so I was pretty wasted till about 4pm on Saturday. Bob and I went to Publix as we had Michael, Michelle and kids coming at 6pm.
They came with 2 of the kids, Landon and Elise, and it was a great visit. They cooked a great dinner and friend Susan sent over an incredible peach cobbler for our dessert. Friends Mitzi and Steve, Jody and Michael dropped by after dinner for a couple of hours, and it was a very nice evening. I was up and out of the bed from about 4pm to midnight which is a long day for me. It was really fun, and I held up pretty well. I need more of these kind of days.
Around noon I noticed some leakage on my leg from the tubing and the wound vac machine. We had to get Nurse Kathy out again last Sunday, and she had to remove the sponge (it really hurts to do that) and repack the wound. I am still not sure what caused the problem (the machine people blame the nursing staff, and the nursing staff blame the machine). Kathy was due out here this morning to change the sponge out anyway so she just did it Sunday instead. For some reason, I was really uncomfortable after she left and very sore -- still am a bit. While there are no signs of infection she thinks the surgeon will want to see me this week after he gets her report (more info than I want to go into--not bad-- just medical junk). I just hope whatever he wants to do does not delay my chemo scheduled to start next Monday.
I am better today than I was last night but I am feeling a bit "blue". I know how lucky I am with the prognosis, but I am tired of everything being a hassle and a problem. Enough, already. We are getting to the end, so these irritations need to just go away! So I am kind of down today, but I will get over it. Friend and co=worker is coming over at 3 to take me to get a headset for my new cell phone -- for some reason the company switched us from Verizon to Sprint. Then we have a conference call at 4pm. I am going to try to take a quick nap before she comes as I could never get comfortable and get any decent sleep last night. Tomorrow is my big teeth cleaning day! Yea.
Sharon and I gabbed till about midnight, and when Bob came up to be I noticed a problem with the wound vacuum. It was not holding pressure at all. We called the equipment owners, and they walked Bob through a bunch of diagnostic testing, and while there was a slight problem there, it appeared the bigger problem was with a blockage in the wound. We ended up having to call Nurse Kathy about 1:30am Saturday morning. She was camping with her family at Lake Alatoona, and the campsite locks everyone in (and everyone else out) at 11pm so she could not come out here. She gave us instructions about how to patch me up till morning. KCI, who owns the equipment and Kathy were both out fixing me up first thing Saturday morning. Needless to say we got no sleep Friday, so I was pretty wasted till about 4pm on Saturday. Bob and I went to Publix as we had Michael, Michelle and kids coming at 6pm.
They came with 2 of the kids, Landon and Elise, and it was a great visit. They cooked a great dinner and friend Susan sent over an incredible peach cobbler for our dessert. Friends Mitzi and Steve, Jody and Michael dropped by after dinner for a couple of hours, and it was a very nice evening. I was up and out of the bed from about 4pm to midnight which is a long day for me. It was really fun, and I held up pretty well. I need more of these kind of days.
Around noon I noticed some leakage on my leg from the tubing and the wound vac machine. We had to get Nurse Kathy out again last Sunday, and she had to remove the sponge (it really hurts to do that) and repack the wound. I am still not sure what caused the problem (the machine people blame the nursing staff, and the nursing staff blame the machine). Kathy was due out here this morning to change the sponge out anyway so she just did it Sunday instead. For some reason, I was really uncomfortable after she left and very sore -- still am a bit. While there are no signs of infection she thinks the surgeon will want to see me this week after he gets her report (more info than I want to go into--not bad-- just medical junk). I just hope whatever he wants to do does not delay my chemo scheduled to start next Monday.
I am better today than I was last night but I am feeling a bit "blue". I know how lucky I am with the prognosis, but I am tired of everything being a hassle and a problem. Enough, already. We are getting to the end, so these irritations need to just go away! So I am kind of down today, but I will get over it. Friend and co=worker is coming over at 3 to take me to get a headset for my new cell phone -- for some reason the company switched us from Verizon to Sprint. Then we have a conference call at 4pm. I am going to try to take a quick nap before she comes as I could never get comfortable and get any decent sleep last night. Tomorrow is my big teeth cleaning day! Yea.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Perceptions
My how my perceptions have changed. I never knew I could get excited about getting my teeth cleaned but I am. I usually set my dental appointments up a year in advance -with 2 cleanings a year. I have a certain hygenist I want to make sure I see, and I always like the 8am appointment so I can get right on to work. You cannot get your teeth cleaned or worked on during chemo as they are too afraid you will get an infection. Because of this, I had to miss my Feb cleaning. I noticed on my calendar this morning that I had another set up for Tues, Aug 21. I have been out of chemo for 4 months, but am starting again the following week. I was so happy when I called Dr. Saba (chemo doc) and he decided it would be ok for me to go this time. I am sure this in not the most exciting thing you've read today, but it sure made mine. I have really learned to appreciate the little things!
I had a CT scan on my chest and abdomin today. It always makes me nervous and scares me that they will find something. I know I am going to just have to learn to live with this as I will be having these things regularly from now on. It is a good thing, however, and maybe we will be able to catch anything else very quickly. I just don't want to live in fear. I guess we all have that to contend with.
After the scan Bob and I went to my office. I needed to sync my Palm Pilot with my laptop (although I did not double check to make sure it actually worked right). It had not been working correctly at home. It was soooooo wonderful to be there and see everybody. It was everything I could do not to cry. I miss being "normal" so much, and while it was great going in and everyone making a fuss over me, I cannot wait till I am there so much they don't even notice me! Also, I went wigless! I am not "bald" as my hair is about a 1/2 inch long. I am almost liking it this way (especially over a hot wig or hat in this weather). I know I will like it a lot better when it is about 2 inches longer.
I figure my hair will be this length again by mid January after falling out again around Sept 10 or so. I dread going through all that again but at least I know it will grow back. It actually needs a little trim around my neckline now --what a joke. Syd and I were supposed to do that this weekend but we forgot. I will get my 14 year old neice Landon to help me with it when Michael, Michelle, along with neices Erin and Elise come for a visit Sat and Sunday. Landon has really good "hair sense" - something her Aunt Geri (GiGi is really what they call me) does not. I am really excited about their visit. Syd, Jim and Zola may come for the evening as well. It will be such a great day for me to have them all hear.
After going to the office, Bob and I came home to recharge (my body as well as my wound vaccuum). We made a quick run to Home Depot and Pottery Barn looking for a kitchen rug but still no luck. We were in and out of both places and back home in 30 minutes. I really started feeling bad and tired but I am sure it was the heat. I am fine now but I have no idea how all of you are handling this miserable weather!
Mugascan (heart) at 1:30 and then my friend Sharon comes to stay with us Friday night. Nurse Kathy will be here at 9am, and I will find sometime to work before and after all this.
So I've felt pretty good 2 days in a row now! I am going for 3 tomorrow!
I had a CT scan on my chest and abdomin today. It always makes me nervous and scares me that they will find something. I know I am going to just have to learn to live with this as I will be having these things regularly from now on. It is a good thing, however, and maybe we will be able to catch anything else very quickly. I just don't want to live in fear. I guess we all have that to contend with.
After the scan Bob and I went to my office. I needed to sync my Palm Pilot with my laptop (although I did not double check to make sure it actually worked right). It had not been working correctly at home. It was soooooo wonderful to be there and see everybody. It was everything I could do not to cry. I miss being "normal" so much, and while it was great going in and everyone making a fuss over me, I cannot wait till I am there so much they don't even notice me! Also, I went wigless! I am not "bald" as my hair is about a 1/2 inch long. I am almost liking it this way (especially over a hot wig or hat in this weather). I know I will like it a lot better when it is about 2 inches longer.
I figure my hair will be this length again by mid January after falling out again around Sept 10 or so. I dread going through all that again but at least I know it will grow back. It actually needs a little trim around my neckline now --what a joke. Syd and I were supposed to do that this weekend but we forgot. I will get my 14 year old neice Landon to help me with it when Michael, Michelle, along with neices Erin and Elise come for a visit Sat and Sunday. Landon has really good "hair sense" - something her Aunt Geri (GiGi is really what they call me) does not. I am really excited about their visit. Syd, Jim and Zola may come for the evening as well. It will be such a great day for me to have them all hear.
After going to the office, Bob and I came home to recharge (my body as well as my wound vaccuum). We made a quick run to Home Depot and Pottery Barn looking for a kitchen rug but still no luck. We were in and out of both places and back home in 30 minutes. I really started feeling bad and tired but I am sure it was the heat. I am fine now but I have no idea how all of you are handling this miserable weather!
Mugascan (heart) at 1:30 and then my friend Sharon comes to stay with us Friday night. Nurse Kathy will be here at 9am, and I will find sometime to work before and after all this.
So I've felt pretty good 2 days in a row now! I am going for 3 tomorrow!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Even day out
I am not sure what is going on here but I feel good on odd days and bad on even! Not sure if I am just overdoing it on my good days or what. It may be the way I am taking some meds to we are switching some things around. Today is a good day. I slept all night and other than where Nurse Kathy poked and proded I feel pretty good. I actually ate a whole sandwich for lunch which is about the first meal I've had that did not at least begin with Ensure for days.
I am going to get Bob to take me out for an hour or so just to get my legs moving although I am reallt sore today. The walls are closing in on me for sure. That does mean I feel better! Tomorrow is chest and abdomin CT scan which always makes me a bit nervous, but they were fine 4 weeks ago before surgery. Friday I have a mugascan on my heart just to see how it beats now as compared to before I started chemo last time. My friend Sharon from Tn will be here Fri night and is cooking me all sorts of healthy veggies. Just hope I hold up better than when imo was here last week with mountains of fresh seafood and I could not eat a bite for days!
I am going to get Bob to take me out for an hour or so just to get my legs moving although I am reallt sore today. The walls are closing in on me for sure. That does mean I feel better! Tomorrow is chest and abdomin CT scan which always makes me a bit nervous, but they were fine 4 weeks ago before surgery. Friday I have a mugascan on my heart just to see how it beats now as compared to before I started chemo last time. My friend Sharon from Tn will be here Fri night and is cooking me all sorts of healthy veggies. Just hope I hold up better than when imo was here last week with mountains of fresh seafood and I could not eat a bite for days!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Turning the corner
I am starting to feel much better today - still a little queasy and not much appetite. I slept till 4am (good for me) and was up for just a little while and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. Bob also found me some earplugs last night so that help block the noise from this darn machine.
I will start chemo again on Aug 27 -- same routine - 4 day treatment, 7.5 hours per day. And I always need fluids on the 5th day, so it really is a whole week. If all goes well and I stay on schedule the last treatment will begin on Sept 17 and then I am done. Dr. Saba ( chemo doc) took me off the blood thinner shots today after 6 months of Bob "shooting" me in the belly. The other good news is he is not going to make me have a port and will give me the chemo through a PICC line. Between now and 8/27 I will have a mugascan on my heart to see how it held up since the last one -- just before I started chemo the first time. Also, there will be another chest CT. Putting the PICC line in is a surgical procedure but is pretty easy. I have already done it twice before.
Nurse Kathy was out today doing her sponge vac thing to me. She did not hurt me too bad today till the end. There is still something of a leak so it is noisy, but Bob is working on that and the earplugs help. She thinks I am healing well and may not need this thing but a couple more weeks. Then they go to some other alternate way to finish up healing the wound. I am just not sure what. While the machine great for healing, it is annoying and cumbersome. She says I really can't drive with it as there is too much opportunity to get the hose caught on something and pulling it out. Even if I could get out I think I will have to be selective about where I go. For one thing, we don't think the battery pak is lasting as long as it should because of the leak, so I don't need to be unplugged for more than a couple of hours. I am pretty sure a restaurant would not appreciate the noise either. It has been over 6 months since I have been out to eat. I guess a few more weeks can't hurt. I am not really interested in food anyway.
I would like to get out for about an hour each day, and I have a few friends that will take me to run errands. I figure tomorrow or Sunday I can get out for a few minutes anyway -- in a car with a great AC. It is just too hot.
Have a good weekend. Mine has to better than the last one!
I will start chemo again on Aug 27 -- same routine - 4 day treatment, 7.5 hours per day. And I always need fluids on the 5th day, so it really is a whole week. If all goes well and I stay on schedule the last treatment will begin on Sept 17 and then I am done. Dr. Saba ( chemo doc) took me off the blood thinner shots today after 6 months of Bob "shooting" me in the belly. The other good news is he is not going to make me have a port and will give me the chemo through a PICC line. Between now and 8/27 I will have a mugascan on my heart to see how it held up since the last one -- just before I started chemo the first time. Also, there will be another chest CT. Putting the PICC line in is a surgical procedure but is pretty easy. I have already done it twice before.
Nurse Kathy was out today doing her sponge vac thing to me. She did not hurt me too bad today till the end. There is still something of a leak so it is noisy, but Bob is working on that and the earplugs help. She thinks I am healing well and may not need this thing but a couple more weeks. Then they go to some other alternate way to finish up healing the wound. I am just not sure what. While the machine great for healing, it is annoying and cumbersome. She says I really can't drive with it as there is too much opportunity to get the hose caught on something and pulling it out. Even if I could get out I think I will have to be selective about where I go. For one thing, we don't think the battery pak is lasting as long as it should because of the leak, so I don't need to be unplugged for more than a couple of hours. I am pretty sure a restaurant would not appreciate the noise either. It has been over 6 months since I have been out to eat. I guess a few more weeks can't hurt. I am not really interested in food anyway.
I would like to get out for about an hour each day, and I have a few friends that will take me to run errands. I figure tomorrow or Sunday I can get out for a few minutes anyway -- in a car with a great AC. It is just too hot.
Have a good weekend. Mine has to better than the last one!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Can you believe this
Forgot to mention this before-- I lost another 4 pounds this week which is startling to me now. I am still probably 10 lbs overweight for my height, but for the first time in my life I am thinking I need to try to really gain some weight. I am afraid I will lose more during my next chemo sessions. Isn't that a heck of a note. But when I am back I am going to be really hot!
A better day
No puking today so far- but still a little queasy. I 've had cereal, cheese toast and blueberries today. Looking forward to an Ensure and hamburger paty later -- maybe a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream. Bob always told me he thought American Cheese slices were just awful plastic. I thought he was a snobby Brit. I have to admit--I now find it gross. I think my sense of smell and taste are overly sensitive, but it just about killed me to eat the cheese toast. For months during chemo, all I would eat was cheese toast and grilled cheese sandwiches with American cheese. Go figure. Ooops - imo is cooking onions downstairs - yuk.
Nurse Kathy came today. She did not hurt so bad although I was more uncomfortable after she left. All the poking and proding she has to do makes it ache. The bad thing is she could not get a real tight seal so the machine is a little noisy-- kind of like a quieter snore. I am not sure how we will deal with this tonight. I will have to get Bob to make me a sound proof box to put it in before bed time.
I am still not sleeping well. I took 10 mg of Ambien (which usually knocks me out for 8 hours) and slept from midnight to 2:30. Stayed up listening to a book on my IPOD (thanks to sister Lisa) till 3:40 and took another 5 mg. I was wide awake at 6. I am feeling a little stronger today but still weak. I was able to work for a while. I am really tired of being in this bed and think since I eat, work, and stay here all day that may make it harder for me to sleep here too. So tomorrow I am going to get out of bed and stay in the den or sun room all day. The bed is for sleeping only (right now anyway!). Seems like I read this somewhere a while back so I will try it. I now hate TV, lying around and doing nothing. I have tons of work to do that I want to do, but am having trouble focusing with my stomach the way it is and feeling so tired. Here's to a better night tonight!
Nurse Kathy came today. She did not hurt so bad although I was more uncomfortable after she left. All the poking and proding she has to do makes it ache. The bad thing is she could not get a real tight seal so the machine is a little noisy-- kind of like a quieter snore. I am not sure how we will deal with this tonight. I will have to get Bob to make me a sound proof box to put it in before bed time.
I am still not sleeping well. I took 10 mg of Ambien (which usually knocks me out for 8 hours) and slept from midnight to 2:30. Stayed up listening to a book on my IPOD (thanks to sister Lisa) till 3:40 and took another 5 mg. I was wide awake at 6. I am feeling a little stronger today but still weak. I was able to work for a while. I am really tired of being in this bed and think since I eat, work, and stay here all day that may make it harder for me to sleep here too. So tomorrow I am going to get out of bed and stay in the den or sun room all day. The bed is for sleeping only (right now anyway!). Seems like I read this somewhere a while back so I will try it. I now hate TV, lying around and doing nothing. I have tons of work to do that I want to do, but am having trouble focusing with my stomach the way it is and feeling so tired. Here's to a better night tonight!
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Back to the pity party
Worst weekend yet. First of all, when the wound vac arrived the number to call for Home Health was wrong. It was some doc's office which was of course closed on Saturday, and I had no one to call to correct. I knew it had to get installed ASAP so I called Emory to find out who was on call for my doctor. Fortunately, he was and he told me to just to meet him in the E.R. and page him. The E.R. wanted me to go through the whole triage process and would not page my doctor. I went to the bathroom and saw him walking down the hall and he just grabbed us and took us to some empty room full of beds and installed the thing.
You have to the the wound area sealed really tight otherwise the machine makes this horrid noise trying to suction every thing to death. My doc is a great surgeon but maybe wound care is not his thing. The thing made this loud awful noise 24/7. Some time it was like loud snoring. At night with Bob snoring on one side and the machine on the other, I had it in stero. This went on for 2 nights until we could actually get Home Health Care (Kathy is my nurse) out on Monday. The noise was deafening, and we got little sleep Saturday or Sunday.
Sunday I woke up nauseous and the worse I've felt since this whole thing began, but at least no fever. I think I am allergic to the antibiotic they gave me. It is a sulfa drug. I'd felt a little queasy the couple of days before but nothing like this. Sunday and Monday were miserable days. I could not eat, sleep or get comfortable. They did switch me to another drug. I could not take any drugs as I kept getting sick on them. I did get some Phenergen (sp) finally and that got me through it. Everyone says it knocks you out but I am still not sleeping. I quit taking it last night and am still a little queasy but better. Also when I could not keep pills down, I could not take my pain meds. To tell you the truth, I am not in that much pain right now, so I just stayed off the drugs. We think now some of my symtoms may actually be some withdrawal from the morphine so I went back to taking one a day instead of two. I will do that for a few days and then cut myself off rather than cold turkey. I hope that helps. I am really tired, but I can;t sleep. It exhausts me just to brush my teeth. Have not had much to eat since Saturday, so I am pretty weak. I am too tired to talk---can you imagine me not talking. Even typing this has taken me 3 days.
So Nurse Kathy came on Monday, and she can barely make it up the stairs as she is recovering from some kind of surgery. She is good and thorough but not real gentle. I will certainly be the one to take the tape off my wound as she is walking in the door. She just sort of yanked and my skin is really sensitive not to mention that I have hair growing now so it hurts like heck. Kathy will be here every Mon-Wed-Fri till this heals. She says it could be 4 weeks plus-- the surgeon said 6 to 8 weeks. Kathy and I are going to be really close before this is over. The machine is huge. It must weigh 10 lbs -- just like my tumor. In my wound is a sponge that Kathy replaces each trip. It is painful for her to remove it and painful for her to put the new one in. My language almost got embarressly bad the first time she yanked on it. From the sponge she inserts this tube that hooks to the machine with the vaccuum in it. The machine is about the size of a binoculars case. The doc said I would be able to hook it on my belt and go. Right! It is gross as all the yukky fluid in my comes through it and you can see it. I guess if I have on a long dress it would cover it up. I am really feeling sorry for myself right now.
I have felt better today, and I drank and Ensure, Yogurt Smoothie and had some fruit. The only bright spot has been that friend imo from Mobile came Saturday for a nursing shift and it has been fun having her here. She brought wonderful gumbo, shrimp, fish etc and I have not been able to eat a bite. In fact to smell has even made me sick. So she and Bob are having incredible feast, and I have been puking my guts out. Like Cindy, she has been making me sit up and do my breathing treatments, and I do need that.
Several days ago I made Bob a reservation to go to England on the 13th as a surprise birthday present. He has been so great, and I was doing so well that I was certain I would be traveling for work, driving and independent by then. We realized Sunday, I just cannot live without him right now, so we are going to cancel. To be honest, as much as I wanted him to go, deep down I was freaked out. He has been my lifeline for the last 6 months, so I was really scared. Hopefully he can go when I finish chemo. I will find out when that starts when I see the chemo doc on Fri. I hope by then I am a lot more mobile than I am now.
One last note - a favor please. Keep my friend Eddie Rollins in your prayers too. Last week he had a cardiac arrest at work and if it were not for the defibulator his office had he would not be here today. He had a triple by-pass late last week. We talked today, and he is doing pretty well. He bragged about how the number he could reach on the breathing machine was much higher than what I can do. He has been in bed for a week -- me almost 6 months! Also the main thing is how long you can hold it at the number, rather than how high it goes. Its longivity that counts. But I did not want to crush his ego, so I let it go. Keep your fingers crossed for both of us.
Here's hoping for a better tomorrow!
You have to the the wound area sealed really tight otherwise the machine makes this horrid noise trying to suction every thing to death. My doc is a great surgeon but maybe wound care is not his thing. The thing made this loud awful noise 24/7. Some time it was like loud snoring. At night with Bob snoring on one side and the machine on the other, I had it in stero. This went on for 2 nights until we could actually get Home Health Care (Kathy is my nurse) out on Monday. The noise was deafening, and we got little sleep Saturday or Sunday.
Sunday I woke up nauseous and the worse I've felt since this whole thing began, but at least no fever. I think I am allergic to the antibiotic they gave me. It is a sulfa drug. I'd felt a little queasy the couple of days before but nothing like this. Sunday and Monday were miserable days. I could not eat, sleep or get comfortable. They did switch me to another drug. I could not take any drugs as I kept getting sick on them. I did get some Phenergen (sp) finally and that got me through it. Everyone says it knocks you out but I am still not sleeping. I quit taking it last night and am still a little queasy but better. Also when I could not keep pills down, I could not take my pain meds. To tell you the truth, I am not in that much pain right now, so I just stayed off the drugs. We think now some of my symtoms may actually be some withdrawal from the morphine so I went back to taking one a day instead of two. I will do that for a few days and then cut myself off rather than cold turkey. I hope that helps. I am really tired, but I can;t sleep. It exhausts me just to brush my teeth. Have not had much to eat since Saturday, so I am pretty weak. I am too tired to talk---can you imagine me not talking. Even typing this has taken me 3 days.
So Nurse Kathy came on Monday, and she can barely make it up the stairs as she is recovering from some kind of surgery. She is good and thorough but not real gentle. I will certainly be the one to take the tape off my wound as she is walking in the door. She just sort of yanked and my skin is really sensitive not to mention that I have hair growing now so it hurts like heck. Kathy will be here every Mon-Wed-Fri till this heals. She says it could be 4 weeks plus-- the surgeon said 6 to 8 weeks. Kathy and I are going to be really close before this is over. The machine is huge. It must weigh 10 lbs -- just like my tumor. In my wound is a sponge that Kathy replaces each trip. It is painful for her to remove it and painful for her to put the new one in. My language almost got embarressly bad the first time she yanked on it. From the sponge she inserts this tube that hooks to the machine with the vaccuum in it. The machine is about the size of a binoculars case. The doc said I would be able to hook it on my belt and go. Right! It is gross as all the yukky fluid in my comes through it and you can see it. I guess if I have on a long dress it would cover it up. I am really feeling sorry for myself right now.
I have felt better today, and I drank and Ensure, Yogurt Smoothie and had some fruit. The only bright spot has been that friend imo from Mobile came Saturday for a nursing shift and it has been fun having her here. She brought wonderful gumbo, shrimp, fish etc and I have not been able to eat a bite. In fact to smell has even made me sick. So she and Bob are having incredible feast, and I have been puking my guts out. Like Cindy, she has been making me sit up and do my breathing treatments, and I do need that.
Several days ago I made Bob a reservation to go to England on the 13th as a surprise birthday present. He has been so great, and I was doing so well that I was certain I would be traveling for work, driving and independent by then. We realized Sunday, I just cannot live without him right now, so we are going to cancel. To be honest, as much as I wanted him to go, deep down I was freaked out. He has been my lifeline for the last 6 months, so I was really scared. Hopefully he can go when I finish chemo. I will find out when that starts when I see the chemo doc on Fri. I hope by then I am a lot more mobile than I am now.
One last note - a favor please. Keep my friend Eddie Rollins in your prayers too. Last week he had a cardiac arrest at work and if it were not for the defibulator his office had he would not be here today. He had a triple by-pass late last week. We talked today, and he is doing pretty well. He bragged about how the number he could reach on the breathing machine was much higher than what I can do. He has been in bed for a week -- me almost 6 months! Also the main thing is how long you can hold it at the number, rather than how high it goes. Its longivity that counts. But I did not want to crush his ego, so I let it go. Keep your fingers crossed for both of us.
Here's hoping for a better tomorrow!
Friday, August 3, 2007
Not A Fun Couple of Days
Well I was fine till I went to the surgeon on Wednesday and they started poking around in me. I started running fever on Wed night and by Thurs a.m. it was up to 102.5 and things hurt more than they did when I 'd just come out of the OR. I told you before Home Health Care was supposed to come out Thus and put in a wound vac to help heal an cavity area that was producing drainage. I did not hear from them till this morning -even though they told the Doc they would set it up Thurs afternoon. Today they advised they would ship the wound vac and I should receive tomorrow. At that time, I am to call the Home Health Agency to come out and install. Worse than Comcast! In the meantime that area really hurts and there is an area in the front of my leg (no surgery there) that is really aching too. It is better than yesterday,but it is pretty uncomfortable. We had trouble Wed pm as I would soak through the bandage somewhat quickly and it would leak. Then for once, I had a brilliant idea. I almost sent Bob out for an adult diaper and realize that a maxi pad would do the trick. No more leakage. And since I am wearing long skirts these day to hide the ugly incision, no one can see how stupid I look with a Maxi pad taped to the back of my thigh.
My fever had gone done to 99 today but I noticed it back up to 100 now so time for some Tylenol I guess. Hopefully as soon as the wound vac arrives I will be able to get Home Health out here. That should ease the pain as well.
I did get out at lunch today. My friend Mitzi picked me up and took me her house for an hour for lunch. It was really my first "social outing" in about 6 months. I got a little tired, but I felt fine. I think the chair was just too comfy, and I got sleepy!
My fever had gone done to 99 today but I noticed it back up to 100 now so time for some Tylenol I guess. Hopefully as soon as the wound vac arrives I will be able to get Home Health out here. That should ease the pain as well.
I did get out at lunch today. My friend Mitzi picked me up and took me her house for an hour for lunch. It was really my first "social outing" in about 6 months. I got a little tired, but I felt fine. I think the chair was just too comfy, and I got sleepy!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Bummed for no good reason
I don't know why I am so bummed out as I have a lot to be thankful for. I saw the surgeon today, and we have to go to Plan B for the incision area that is not healing. Evidently there is a big cavity under the skin that keeps filling up with yukky fluid. Most of the incision is healing fine but the central area where the skin was most affected by the radiation treatment is not closed and is draining. The surgeon says I need a wound vac for 6 to 8 weeks so I am really bummed out. I don't think it hurts, but I will have to have Home Health Care come out ever three days and do whatever it is they do. It is sort of like a drain with sucking action that keeps the cavity empty and closed, (this is my very uneducated layman's perception) so the area under the skin will grow back together. I think I will be able to travel and get back to work, but I will have to carry the thing around with me clipped at my waist -- hopefully under my skirt. The other thing I am bummed about is that I will have to have 2 more chemo sessions. I knew all along this would be necessary, but now that I have heard it for sure, I am disappointed. I hate the idea of maybe having a port again and for having two 4-day (although mine were always 5 days as I always needed fluid and potassium on the 5th day) sessions, losing my hair all over again etc. I do not meet with the chemo Doc until the 13th. I dont' want to start chemo until the first week in Sept so I am hoping they will let me do that. I have been off chemo since mid April so I doubt holding off a couple of weeks will hurt. I just hope they see things the same way.
Anyway, I just really got upset by both these things today, and I am not sure why. They are so insignificant based on what I have been through so I don't know why they are bothering me so much. Seems like pretty stupid things to be upset about, but I am. I know I will get over it in a couple of hours, but in the meantime, I am angry.
Otherwise the surgeon was happy with my progress, and I don't see him again for 4 weeks. S let me go have a quick pity party, and I will be okay in a couple of hours!
Anyway, I just really got upset by both these things today, and I am not sure why. They are so insignificant based on what I have been through so I don't know why they are bothering me so much. Seems like pretty stupid things to be upset about, but I am. I know I will get over it in a couple of hours, but in the meantime, I am angry.
Otherwise the surgeon was happy with my progress, and I don't see him again for 4 weeks. S let me go have a quick pity party, and I will be okay in a couple of hours!
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