Way Too Much Drama For Me

While I have never done a Christmas letter, I always love getting them. But I had so many people I care so much about that I wanted to tell what is going on and this was the best way I knew to do it. Some of you already know about this, so if it is repetitive, sorry – just skip over parts you have already heard.

I learned this Wednesday, that the mass on the back of my right thigh is a malignant tumor, cyst, whatever. It is aggressive and the typical treatment is aggressive, but it is not going to kill me. It will make me pretty miserable for a while.

Things are moving rather quickly, and even though I knew they would, I am still surprised. At least 4 Chemo treatments and maybe some radiation will happen before surgery. I think the intent is to shrink the tumor, and isolate it more, creating easy margins to cut by, and of course, stop the cells from spreading. I met with the Chemo oncologist yesterday. The thing that threw me for a loop is not that chemo will be every 21 days, but that each treatment will last 4 days, and for most of each day. Some do it “in patient”, but I am trying not to go that route. So I start Monday, Feb 5 at 9 am. I go in Mon, Tues, Wed & Thursday. On Friday, the 5th day you go in for a shot (preventive maintenance for your immune system), and or you can do it yourself at home. I missed the Rosemore family “medical” gene, but Bob seems to have it. I am pretty sure I can give myself an injection if I have to. Also, there are at least a half a dozen nurses in my neighborhood, and my own family doc is a couple of miles away if I need him to inject me. Bob always seems really involved in watching a lot of surgical shows on some cable channel, and he was terrific in rebandaging me (which was every couple of hours, all night long) after the biopsy. However, I kidded him that he took a little too much pleasure in ripping off the adhesive tape. I finally went out and bought on the ouchless kind.

So I am spending this weekend wrapping up some critical work things and getting myself all set up to be able to work easily from home, doing cooking and freezing, getting personal stuff like taxes, bill paying, closet and drawer cleaning done, just so I really have an idea of where everything really is in the house for expediency. And I guess I am nesting a little. I am going to have a few normal work days (or at least “hours” some days) next week. In between, I have a zillion doctor’s appointments for all sorts of scans, etc on various days. On Thursday they put in my “port”, the little plug that they can give me IV fluids including the chemo and draw blood from so they don’t have to dig into my veins every day with a needle. And Friday is an all day full body scan procedure and some other scans, I guess whatever there is left to scan!

So of course, I am going to lose my hair, in probably 10 days to 2 weeks after the first treatment, so I figure somewhere between the 20th of Feb and the end of the month. Today, I am going to go in for my last haircut for a while and cut it a good bit shorter to get going. I may even go wig shopping. I’ve never told Bob how much a haircut cost me, as I knew one was more than he spent all year on haircuts! But I slipped up yesterday (must have pre-chemo brain) and said “Wow! I am going to save $xxx on haircuts and twice as much on color!” He about had a stroke when he heard the amount. The question I have in my mind now is, that if you don’t have hair, do you just wash your head in the shower with soap or shampoo? And if it is shampoo, do you use crème rinse? So if you know the answer to that let me know! I am little freaked out about the hair thing, but I have complained about hair so much of my life I sort of knew chemo was inevitable. Maybe it will grow back a little straighter. I have been trying on hats and caps and stuffing my hair up in them. I have never had to draw in eyebrows before, so I may hit the make up counter today too. I think you can even get eyebrow stencils. Again, Bob is pretty artistic so he may be in charge of drawing in eyebrows too! The salvation here is going to have to be cute caps and absolutely fab earrings! Nails are important too, and my manicurist has already agreed to come here for manicures if I can’t get out!

I am going to try to be as productive as I can during this whole thing, without adding a lot of stress. Most of you know me well enough to know, work is a “labor of love” for me. How lucky I am to have a job for 25 years that I truly love. I am hoping that during the non chemo weeks I will be able to travel some for work, and certainly work from home. But my 4 chemo days, I am hoping to spend a lot of bonding time with Bob, family and friends. I am tied to a chair so I can’t go too far, and I don’t want to just watch movies all the time. So I will be talking, if I feel like it! There are not many times in my life I have not felt like talking! Unfortunately, the chemo area is not wired for internet access, although I can’t help but think I can find some network out there to plug into! So if you are ever in the Crawford Long Hospital area, drop by for a chat on my chemo weeks! I think they will be (so far) Mon – Thurs, beginning Feb 5, Feb 26, Mar 19, and Apr 9 for the first 4 anyway. Hopefully they can do surgery after that and maybe even skip radiation if all goes well. The surgery is the easy piece. They tumor is, so far, not connected to anything. It is in fatty tissue (finally something good about fat) and is pressing against a muscle, but not invading it, my hamstring, or anything. Compared to everything else, surgery will be like a haircut, but a way more expensive haircut!

I don’t mean to sound so “light” and comedic about all this, but that is how I generally deal with most things. I am not without emotional outbursts and short periods of sobbing, so I am taking this very seriously. I am still pretty much in shock because no one thought (not one doctor) this would be malignant. I know reality will kick in at some point, but I do think attitude is at least 50% of recovery, and I can have some control over that. Unless something way weird shows up in the scans, I will recover from this with a 60 to 70% chance of it not recurring. It is going to be a miserable 6 to 9 months probably, but I am otherwise really healthy and I am going to try to do more things to improve. I have a LA Fitness membership that as been sitting there dormant for a few years. There will be things I can do there to strengthen some when I feel like it. So if you visit me at home, and I am up for it, plan on going for a walk at least. I am planning on really being fit when I finally walk back on to a tennis court. Losing weight wii probably be a little easier too. So once that happens and my hair comes back, I am going the hottest 52 year old around!

I am incredibly lucky to have an such wonderfully supportive family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, business associates (who are friends too). I have already had a ton of calls from many of you offering to sit with me during chemo, run errands etc. I couldn’t feel more loved, supported and appreciated by all of you. I am going to have to set up a reservation hotline so I can keep track of whose coming and going. Growing up I thought having 3 younger sisters and a brother were nothing but a pain, but boy they are there when you need them! I knew early in adulthood I could never get along without them, and though I don’t tell them that much, I think they know that. Bob has been truly amazing. I am not sure he quite yet realizes how this is going to affect his life, and I have to figure out how to not take advantage of him (too much anyway), but we can muddle though that.

You are important to me too, and so I wanted to let you know what is going on. I guess this is something of “form email” but please don’t be offended and know that it is still from the heart. I wanted to find a way to reach as many of you as I could as quickly as I could. I love you all!

Love,
Geri

PS I really am going to be ok!