I miss my real life

Well, I made it to the meeting on Friday without any mishap. I did not stay till the very end as I was getting tired, had a doctors appmt, and frankly, it just hurts (the tumor) to sit in those kind of chairs. I was in the office about 2 hours total, and it was great to see everyone and feel a little normal. Okay, maybe not that normal since on "normal" days people aren't as excited to see me, come up and hug me and shower me with attention (which is always fun!). So I made the debut in the wig, and it did not fall off. I even went to the hospital to the radiology unit that checks my port site twice a week in full drag -- wig, makeup etc. They had never seen me with hair (but I always have some sort of cap). They all had to do double take to recognize me and of course made the appropriate fuss. I guess I need to at least put some makeup on occasionally! Bob has never been much for make up so if we are just at home I don't bother. But now I am getting tired of looking at me like this so on days I can I will have to make the effort. But I am not wearing the wig to chemo!

My bottom eyelashes seem to be falling out still, and while I will have a good many eyebrows, I am afraid they may be going too. This next round of chemo will probably do them in. Weird though, I have some hair on my head that continues to grow.

I was exhausted Friday night but slept well and felt good Saturday a.m. Bob had an early tennis match, and I needed some things from CVS (some things you just have to do for yourself). I even went to Fresh Market to get a few grocery items. No one ever seems to be in that store so I figure my germ opportunity was less there than Publix (there goes Publix stock) so I went as soon as the store openned. They have bacteria wipes by the carts so I got it pretty clean. As it turns out I had to send Syd to Publix later anyway, but I did get somethings I can't get at Publix.

I will still feeling good when I got home so I cleaned my car (the inside - no point in cleaning the outside this time of year with the pollen in GA). I am a fanatic about cleaning my car. When I was "normal" every week I would vaccuum, Armoral, windex etc my car myself. When working, I live in my car. It is my home many hours a day, and I just hate for it to be dirty or trashy. Bob for all his good points, does not share my fetish. And since he has been the main one driving me to the hospital occasionally, it was far below my standards. There was a McDonalds bag in the back seat for heavens sake. That would not happen if I was back in control!

My whole outing -Cvs, Fresh Market and cleaning my car (at home) took about 2 hours - from 10am to noon. That did not include my shower. I was wiped out till 5pm. I do all that and play two sets of tennis most Saturdays before noon, and then have a full afternoon of errands. I want my life back!

I am not sure I should be in charge of the check book anymore. Today when balancing the books, paying bills, I noticed I input in my check register, a check to Publix for $1370, that was really $13.70. The amount we paid was right, I just wrote it down wrong. At least the mistake was in our favor. I may have to get Bob to double check me. At 5pm I did start balancing check books (with Bob's Renovate business and other stuff we have going that is about 5 checking accounts -- you don't have to have much money to have 5 checking accounts). Just doing that and going through the mail took me till 7pm. I cooked dinner and started over again at 845 paying bills, so we are fairly currently with all that. I have a massive mess with things I need to file for our flex spending reimbursement count that I need to get into and get our money back. That will be my project for tomorrow and getting some work done that I can do during chemo this week. My cell phone has not been working well in the chemo room so I mostly do work via email on those days.

My chemo Doc is out of town on Monday so I will not see him till Wednesday. That will get me started a little earlier on Monday as soon as my blood counts come in. I am feeling more tired than I think I should so I have a feeling they will give me a couple of units of blood this week. That should give me a boost I think in about 48 hours.

But Monday is the 4th Quarter of this playoff game, and I just can't wait to get through this week. I am so ready for surgery or radiation (but I should be careful for what I ask for I know) but I want my life back and that is what it is going to take! Time to move on.

Speaking of time, my11pm alarm just went off. That means it is time from Bob to give me my blood thinner shot. When I am feeling respectful, I call for Dr. Bob. When I am iritable, he is just "shot boy" kind of like the country club "towel boy". I am going to have to see if there is direct correlation as to how much the shot hurts and what title I use in calling him. Hmmmmm, maybe that is the problem and cause for the discrepancy! I will start the secret survey tonight.

Neither of us have a reason to turn the alarm on for the morning so I will to see how long I can sleep. May be time for a big healthy fattening Sunday breakfast! I will need it for next week

Stay tuned!