I did not realize it had been so long since I've blogged. But in this case, no news really is good news. I have been really busy at work and having some fun too. This week I was out traveling in south Ga for most of the week. I drove about 750 miles from Tues-Friday. That is really not unusal for my work, but it was the most I have traveled alone since I've been back working this year. I did pretty well and was not really that tired. Instead of eating out, I would just pick something up and bring it back to the hotel room at night to do a little work. I managed pretty well, but I am a little tired.
We went to Knoxville last weekend for my friend Jill's son Aaron's Bar Mitzvah. Between the hotel there and my work travels, I have been in 4 different hotels in the last 6 nights. I am a little confused when I wake up in the middle of the night and am not sure where I am or where the bathroom is. However, I do not think that has anything to do with chemo, cancer or being sick! It may be old age, or just what happens when you are on the road too much at once. But
I am having fun and enjoying what I am doing. I will find the bathroom eventually!
I am still having a bit of discomfort in my leg and back where my incision is. I am having a little drainage or bleeding around there, but I think it is just from where my bra rubs against the scar so we are doing some bandaging around that till it heals. I just could not do that myself while I was traveling. I thought about asking one of my female agents to help me out with a couple of bandaids back there, but I decided against that. Some folks are kind of squeamish with all the gooky stuff, and I did not want to put anyone in an awkward position. Anyway, I am home for the next couple of weeks, so it won't be a problem. My backend and leg (close to the scar) are a little sore in spots, but I think it is from driving and sitting so much. However, I am a little paranoid and have been searching for lumps to make sure it is not more serious. I am going to physical therapy Monday, so I will have, Marcus, my therapist, check it out. I am trying to not let every little ache make me crazy, but it is hard not to do that.
Otherwise things are good. I am hoping to hit some tennis balls this week if the weather holds out, and I can get caught up at work. I am not sure if I have the energy to really play after work, but I think I could go down to the courts for a few minutes at least.
We are having a quiet weekend for the most part. I went to the gym this morning and will go again tomorrow. I acutally wore a pair of gym shorts for the first time in public, but I did make Mitzi check it out and make that what you could see of my leg scar was not too gross. I've just been doing about 30 or 40 minutes on the treadmill and a working out on a couple of machines. I did not go at all last week (or to PT) since I was traveling. It is probably overdoing it going both Sat, Sun and to PT on Monday, but I am going to try anyway. I've gained some of my weight back, so I need to get it off so all my new clothes will still fit. I gave away all the old ones, so there is no going back now.
With my neice Zola's help, I finally loaded some music from ITUNES onto my IPOD. Lisa got it for me a while back and loaded some books on there, but I just could not focus enough to listen to them. Now I know what I was missing and just can't wait to load more on there. I appreciate now why all teenagers always seem have earphones on all the time! If only I could have done that when I was stuck in my bed for a year! Next weekend Zola is teaching me how to load music off CD's onto the IPOD. She is a very patient teacher and was able to give me really good instructions over the phone. Lisa tried to show me all of this when she visited but I was really not able to pay attention to her then. I can tell my ability to concentrate is improving a bit. Or maybe I've just been using "chemo brain" as an excuse to not have to do things I did not want to do. It worked for a while, but I don't think I can get away with it for much longer. Lisa says I can use it as an excuse for a year, but I am pretty bored with this "helplessness" stuff. It is just not my style! Time to get back to normal!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
A 3 month break
Like I mentioned last time, my chest xray did turn out to be more significant than I thought. I called Doc O's (my leg surgeon who is now in charge of all my scans) office yesterday to tell them about the results. They had scheduled me for a chest CT and doctor visit April 19. They reviewed my xray and since I got a good report they cancelled my CT and I do not have to go back until June. In June they will do an MRI on my leg (which they do every 6 months) and a CT on my lungs. So I have another 3 months of breathing easier (no pun intended), and can work on living a normal life without too much worry! I forgot my oncologist wanted to see me after Doc O saw me in April, so I guess I will need to schedule an appointment with him soon. I do want him to do some lab work just to make sure the reason I am still tired is just because everything I went through last year and nothing else.
My leg and chest still bother me a bit. I take a non narcotic pain pill a couple of times a day and that seems to help. I think the leg thing is just going to always bother me to some degree, but I can handle that. The chest scar (from the port) is looking much better, but is still ugly. One of my chemo nurses mentioned last week that I would probably need plastic surgery, but I am in no hurry for surgery of any kind. I will just live with it for the moment and stay away from strapless dresses!
Work is still good, and for a really tired person I am putting in a lot of hours -- no wonder I am tired. I do work for 2 to 3 hours each evening just getting caught up on paperwork - business and personal. This weekend we get to work on income tax. Yea! Didn't we just do that? Gosh the year went by quick - but the days went by slowly somehow.
Bob and I started talking about planning our summer trip to England. I really like to go late July to early August because the weather is so miserable here and just perfect there. I keep thinking we should go before my June scans in case there is a problem, but I just can't keep planning my life for things between scans. Bob's mother turns 89 in July, and I hope we can be there for her birthday, so we will start looking for flights etc.
What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was in the middle of 4 rounds of chemo, facing 6 weeks of radiation and surgery, not knowing even more chemo and surgery would follow after that(or the awful wound vac, 4 weeks of IV antibiotics, etc). Planning a summer vacation or even a weekend out of town was not anything we could even consider. Heavens, I could not even sit comfortably in a chair that was not a recliner! I am a lucky girl, and even on my toughest days, I do not have to be reminded of that!
My leg and chest still bother me a bit. I take a non narcotic pain pill a couple of times a day and that seems to help. I think the leg thing is just going to always bother me to some degree, but I can handle that. The chest scar (from the port) is looking much better, but is still ugly. One of my chemo nurses mentioned last week that I would probably need plastic surgery, but I am in no hurry for surgery of any kind. I will just live with it for the moment and stay away from strapless dresses!
Work is still good, and for a really tired person I am putting in a lot of hours -- no wonder I am tired. I do work for 2 to 3 hours each evening just getting caught up on paperwork - business and personal. This weekend we get to work on income tax. Yea! Didn't we just do that? Gosh the year went by quick - but the days went by slowly somehow.
Bob and I started talking about planning our summer trip to England. I really like to go late July to early August because the weather is so miserable here and just perfect there. I keep thinking we should go before my June scans in case there is a problem, but I just can't keep planning my life for things between scans. Bob's mother turns 89 in July, and I hope we can be there for her birthday, so we will start looking for flights etc.
What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was in the middle of 4 rounds of chemo, facing 6 weeks of radiation and surgery, not knowing even more chemo and surgery would follow after that(or the awful wound vac, 4 weeks of IV antibiotics, etc). Planning a summer vacation or even a weekend out of town was not anything we could even consider. Heavens, I could not even sit comfortably in a chair that was not a recliner! I am a lucky girl, and even on my toughest days, I do not have to be reminded of that!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
More significan than I realized
I got a good report from Dr. Miller’s office. I should have seen it as a good sign right up front when he sent in Jim, his physician’s assistant to see me instead of him. My x-ray looked good, and I am no longer their patient unless I need them in the future. For some reason, I was only thinking of the x-ray I took today as something they would review to see how I am healing from the lung surgery. My sister Lisa pointed out that the first place they would see lesions on my lungs would be on an x-ray, so this is certainly something I should see as a good sign. I am feeling less nervous about my CT scan next month knowing today things look good. I told Jim, to “not take it personally, but unless it was in a restaurant I never wanted to see him again.” I am so glad to be fired as a patient.
I went over to the chemo center for a visit. At first, it was like going back to high school, after being in college, to see your old teachers. I was excited to see everyone, but after a few minutes I did get this bit of nervousness, reliving the last year. I noticed later that I really did not look at the patients at all. It was like they were blurred in the background. My head just did not want to go there and connect with them. I really want to get past all that. In fact, they told me they were going to start a sarcoma support group, and I really hope to be a part of that. Hopefully, I will only be there as a survivor giving support. I do think it is time for me to start “giving back” so maybe I can really help. I am not sure I would have participated while I was being treated, but I hope others will not feel that way. The only thing is I think they are going to meet at night, downtown at Crawford Long. I am not sure how many folks are going to want to come back down there while they are in treatment. I know I did not have the energy for that then. Maybe others will.
I saw Dr. Saba (my chemo doctor), and he did tell me I should come see him after I have my next scan. I am not sure if he will draw blood or why I will be there unless there is a problem with my scan, but I will certainly be compliant and set the appointment. It was fun seeing my nurses, PA’s and the administrative staff. They took me into the employee break room, and started bringing people in to see me. They even brought in the chemist (who mixes up the chemo drugs) to say hello. It’s funny. The whole time I was in chemo I don’t think we ever even spoke, but he came it to say “hi” anyway. I am so happy to be an alumni and not a current “student”!
You may remember when I was in radiation last summer, I’d met a woman Beverly who was also in insurance and was a patient (she had the red convertible I envied). Beverly lived alone and her family was not near by. She had cancer all over the place and was having radiation and chemo. She was even flying to New York at times to have chemo. They’d told Beverly at the time she only had about 6 months to live. We exchanged phone numbers and left a couple of voicemails for each other. Beverly had also been in the chemo center earlier today and was doing okay. I was really glad to hear that as her prognosis was not good. I don’t know if she was getting treatment but just visiting, but regardless, I am glad to see she is still fighting it.
Today is Wednesday, March 19 and so far I cannot get into the internet. So if this actually gets posted later in the week you will understand why. All in all, a pretty great day!
I went over to the chemo center for a visit. At first, it was like going back to high school, after being in college, to see your old teachers. I was excited to see everyone, but after a few minutes I did get this bit of nervousness, reliving the last year. I noticed later that I really did not look at the patients at all. It was like they were blurred in the background. My head just did not want to go there and connect with them. I really want to get past all that. In fact, they told me they were going to start a sarcoma support group, and I really hope to be a part of that. Hopefully, I will only be there as a survivor giving support. I do think it is time for me to start “giving back” so maybe I can really help. I am not sure I would have participated while I was being treated, but I hope others will not feel that way. The only thing is I think they are going to meet at night, downtown at Crawford Long. I am not sure how many folks are going to want to come back down there while they are in treatment. I know I did not have the energy for that then. Maybe others will.
I saw Dr. Saba (my chemo doctor), and he did tell me I should come see him after I have my next scan. I am not sure if he will draw blood or why I will be there unless there is a problem with my scan, but I will certainly be compliant and set the appointment. It was fun seeing my nurses, PA’s and the administrative staff. They took me into the employee break room, and started bringing people in to see me. They even brought in the chemist (who mixes up the chemo drugs) to say hello. It’s funny. The whole time I was in chemo I don’t think we ever even spoke, but he came it to say “hi” anyway. I am so happy to be an alumni and not a current “student”!
You may remember when I was in radiation last summer, I’d met a woman Beverly who was also in insurance and was a patient (she had the red convertible I envied). Beverly lived alone and her family was not near by. She had cancer all over the place and was having radiation and chemo. She was even flying to New York at times to have chemo. They’d told Beverly at the time she only had about 6 months to live. We exchanged phone numbers and left a couple of voicemails for each other. Beverly had also been in the chemo center earlier today and was doing okay. I was really glad to hear that as her prognosis was not good. I don’t know if she was getting treatment but just visiting, but regardless, I am glad to see she is still fighting it.
Today is Wednesday, March 19 and so far I cannot get into the internet. So if this actually gets posted later in the week you will understand why. All in all, a pretty great day!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Just wonderful
Bob and I had a great trip to Amelia Island this weekend. The hotel was beautiful, food wonderful and the weather was pretty accomodating. We had a lot of fun on the segways. I was able to standup the whole 2 hours. The steering was a little tricky, and I have to admit I paid a lot more attention to my driving than the scenary. I did actually wear a bathing suit in public! At one point the scar on my back was a little visable and my port scar is a little hard to hide. I was able to cover up the leg scar with a skirt for the most part. I did not see any children running with fear so I guess it was not too bad. I got a little sun but I was careful to use sunscreen, especially on the chest scar. Most of you know I am pretty dark complected so sunscreen has not been something I have used much in my life. That's not anything to be proud of, but I am learning that using it is important. I just had to get some sun on my legs. Now that it is not in vogue to wear hose anymore, they needed a little color. I may have to resort to the spray on kind. That is a lot healthier, I am sure.
Tomorrow I have to go see Dr. Miller (lung surgeon) and have a chest x-ray. I am a little nervous, but I feel pretty good, so I think I am healing nicely from the surgery. Most of the discomfort I have is really more from my leg that my chest. I think the leg stuff is just going to be a part of my life from now on, but I can handle that. I am still in physical therapy through the end of the month at least. If I am up to it tomorrow night, I may gone down and try to hit a tennis ball or two when my team in practicing. I have lots of chores to do around here, but I am going to try to work it in if my energy level is good and the weather cooperates.
I will try to post tomorrow or Thursday to let you know how the doctor's appointment went. I am hoping to go by the chemo center which is just across the street and visit my chemo nurses for a few minutes. They have not seen me with hair in a while.
Bob may post one of our pictures from the weekend so you can see that I am growing hair now. It is still very short and very curly. I was hoping chemo would straighten it out a little, but I am just glad it is grow back, and with a little less gray I might add!
More later in the week!
Tomorrow I have to go see Dr. Miller (lung surgeon) and have a chest x-ray. I am a little nervous, but I feel pretty good, so I think I am healing nicely from the surgery. Most of the discomfort I have is really more from my leg that my chest. I think the leg stuff is just going to be a part of my life from now on, but I can handle that. I am still in physical therapy through the end of the month at least. If I am up to it tomorrow night, I may gone down and try to hit a tennis ball or two when my team in practicing. I have lots of chores to do around here, but I am going to try to work it in if my energy level is good and the weather cooperates.
I will try to post tomorrow or Thursday to let you know how the doctor's appointment went. I am hoping to go by the chemo center which is just across the street and visit my chemo nurses for a few minutes. They have not seen me with hair in a while.
Bob may post one of our pictures from the weekend so you can see that I am growing hair now. It is still very short and very curly. I was hoping chemo would straighten it out a little, but I am just glad it is grow back, and with a little less gray I might add!
More later in the week!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Still out here
It is just amazing how life can sort of get back to normal so quickly. I am back in the thick of things are home and at work, and every day gets a little more normal. I still run out of gas quicker than I used to but I am going pretty strong. I still have physical therapy a couple of times a week and go to the gym to work on the treadmill. I think I am just going to always have a challenge with my leg because of the scar tissue and having very little hamstring. I can go down steps pretty quickly, but I am a lot slower going up them, especially at the end of the day.
I did find a couple of bathing suits and bought skirts to go over them so I can hide that ugly scar. We leave for Amelia Island on Thursday. On Saturday, we are going on a "segway" tour through a national park and plantation (I think). For those of you who do not know, a segway is kind of like a electric scooter and you stand on it and ride. It is a 2 hour tour so I am hoping that will not be a problem.
Each day I remember less of what life was like last year, thank goodness. Bob and I are working hard and having fun again. There are so many people (some I know and care about, and just some I hear about) having really tragic things happen to them, that complaining about how my leg looks is a bathsuit or how slow my hair is growing is just so trivial.
I have an appointment next week with Dr. Miller, my lung surgeon, and I think he will find I am healing nicely. The real test will be in April when I have my next lung CT.
My friend Constance, who is undergoing radiation for breast cancer, is compiling a book from thoughts and events from others dealing with breast cancer. She is looking to help bring a smile to the faces of folks dealing with this horrible diease and looking for any humorous stories anyone would like to share. I am going to copy some info below in case you or someone you know may want to contribute. I think it is so great for her to be undergoing treatment and at the same time trying to find a way to help people.
Hello! My name is Constance Collins. For those who don’t know me personally, you may wonder why you are receiving this e-mail. You or someone you know was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is my goal to write-actually, perhaps better to say compile, 365 humorous stories dealing with breast cancer. More of the specifics are explained in the 2 attachments. If you would like to contribute, that’s wonderful. If not, that’s cool too. If you know of someone else who had breast cancer and who you feel might want to share a story, please forward this to them. Just be sure to delete all the ‘forwarding stuff’ that piles up-one of my personal pet peeves of e-mails!
All stories must be original, non-fiction. Please keep them between 200-700 words. There might be some editing due to space but the spirit of the story will be kept intact. If a story is chosen, that person will be notified and their permission will be obtained-this is why I ask for your contact information on the attached form-it will not be shared with anyone else.
I have no idea if I will be successful with this project. All I know is I have to try. If excitement about the project were the only requirement I would be set!
Wish me luck!
Constance
merrymammories@yahoo.com
Constance is a very determined and creative woman so I know her book is going to be a success!
I will keep you posted and blog next week after my appointment with Dr. Miller. Thanks so much for continuing to keep up with me!
I did find a couple of bathing suits and bought skirts to go over them so I can hide that ugly scar. We leave for Amelia Island on Thursday. On Saturday, we are going on a "segway" tour through a national park and plantation (I think). For those of you who do not know, a segway is kind of like a electric scooter and you stand on it and ride. It is a 2 hour tour so I am hoping that will not be a problem.
Each day I remember less of what life was like last year, thank goodness. Bob and I are working hard and having fun again. There are so many people (some I know and care about, and just some I hear about) having really tragic things happen to them, that complaining about how my leg looks is a bathsuit or how slow my hair is growing is just so trivial.
I have an appointment next week with Dr. Miller, my lung surgeon, and I think he will find I am healing nicely. The real test will be in April when I have my next lung CT.
My friend Constance, who is undergoing radiation for breast cancer, is compiling a book from thoughts and events from others dealing with breast cancer. She is looking to help bring a smile to the faces of folks dealing with this horrible diease and looking for any humorous stories anyone would like to share. I am going to copy some info below in case you or someone you know may want to contribute. I think it is so great for her to be undergoing treatment and at the same time trying to find a way to help people.
Hello! My name is Constance Collins. For those who don’t know me personally, you may wonder why you are receiving this e-mail. You or someone you know was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is my goal to write-actually, perhaps better to say compile, 365 humorous stories dealing with breast cancer. More of the specifics are explained in the 2 attachments. If you would like to contribute, that’s wonderful. If not, that’s cool too. If you know of someone else who had breast cancer and who you feel might want to share a story, please forward this to them. Just be sure to delete all the ‘forwarding stuff’ that piles up-one of my personal pet peeves of e-mails!
All stories must be original, non-fiction. Please keep them between 200-700 words. There might be some editing due to space but the spirit of the story will be kept intact. If a story is chosen, that person will be notified and their permission will be obtained-this is why I ask for your contact information on the attached form-it will not be shared with anyone else.
I have no idea if I will be successful with this project. All I know is I have to try. If excitement about the project were the only requirement I would be set!
Wish me luck!
Constance
merrymammories@yahoo.com
Constance is a very determined and creative woman so I know her book is going to be a success!
I will keep you posted and blog next week after my appointment with Dr. Miller. Thanks so much for continuing to keep up with me!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Still rocking along
So far things are still going well. I was out overnight two nights last week for work and it was good. I have been drivng so much -- about 700 miles per week the last few and I find sitting in the car is more comfortable than at my desk. I am having to adjust to staying at a hotel again by myself after having a year of not being away from Bob. But I just get on my laptop, do a little work and watch TV. Being at home is much better, but it is nice occasionally to not have to think about what we are having for dinner. I usually just pick it up somewhere and take it back to my hotel room. With American Idol back on that keeps me occupied for a couple of hours anyway. Anyway work is fun, and I am loving getting back to see folks I have not seen in so long. The only thing is so far, I had a better sales year last year when I was stuck in bed than I am doing making face to face visits! I just keep saying " I told you I was good in bed!". I am not ready to go back there however. My numbers do keep getting a little better every week, and I think the more I travel things will improve. The numbers are good -- just not like last year! I am the worst about puting pressure on myself, and my expectations are pretty high. But that is what motivates me and keeps me going. I would really hate it if I did not care this much! I cannot imagine working in a job you do not like. I have been so lucky!
I have an appoinment (3 month check up) with my lung surgeon in mid March. They will x-ray then, I assume to observe his handiwork and how I am healing. Then I have a chest CT in April that I will continue to have every 3 months for a few years at least. I do feel like I am living my life in three month intervals. It does not affect me day to day, but it does come into my thoughts when I am trying to do some "long range" planning. Of course "long range" is about 4 months for me! I was thinking about when we might go back to England this summer. I'll have scans in mid April and again in mid July. It worries me to plan a trip before mid April (to be taken before mid July) because I am afraid it will jinx my scan results. Pretty stupid, huh? I just need to get a history of good scan results so I will not be so paranoid each time, but I think it may be a while before I get there.
I am home for the next couple of weeks with no overnight trips for work. I am so behind in doing things around here, and I am still pretty exhausted when I get home from work. Usually I will lay down for about 30 minutes and I can bounce back a bit, but I am very frustrated that I do not have my energy levels back. Mind you, before I got sick, I was operating at WARP speed most of the time so I am not sure I will ever get back there again. I am not sure I even want to, but I do need a little more ummph!
My stupidity is still haunting me. My arm is still bothering me from my dumb fall on the tennis court last week. I am finally going to go to the doctor in Friday and let them xray it. I am sure it is just probably sprain, and I just need to immobilize it or something to heal. I just want to kick myself for being so dumb and trying to run in shoes not meant for that. I just didn't think which Bob says I do a lot! Or I try to multi-task too much, and I am just not able to juggle that well.
We are going to the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island in a couple of weeks for a work sales trip I won (see-- good in bed). Bob gets to go too, so I am really looking forward to that. Now I need new spring clothes since none of my old ones fit. I have gained about 6 or so pounds back and am trying to get that off. I have given away most of my old clothes, so I have to stay this weight. I need to buy a bathing suit, but the back my leg looks awful from surgery and radiation. I can always get one with a skirt I suppose or keep a cover up on till I lay down. I really think swimming would be good for me, but I just don't want anyone to see my leg. Heck, I do not even look at it. I have not looked at the scar from my lung surgery yet either, but I could tell from my OBGYN it is not a pretty sight. I know being bashed up is a small price to pay after all of this but with spring and summer coming clothes are revealing a little more than I'd like. I am used to last year, just wearing boxer shorts and tee shirts or pjs the entire time. It is fun to buy new clothes but the "scar" factor is a pain to deal with. I know I can have plastic surgery for the mess left by the port fiasco, but I am just not ready to have anyone cut on me for elective surgery right now. All this is really minor in the great scheme of things, but it is just something else to deal with.
All in all, life is good and we are getting back to normal as best we can. My friend Angela gave me a magnet that says "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine" so I just keep trying to remember that!
I have an appoinment (3 month check up) with my lung surgeon in mid March. They will x-ray then, I assume to observe his handiwork and how I am healing. Then I have a chest CT in April that I will continue to have every 3 months for a few years at least. I do feel like I am living my life in three month intervals. It does not affect me day to day, but it does come into my thoughts when I am trying to do some "long range" planning. Of course "long range" is about 4 months for me! I was thinking about when we might go back to England this summer. I'll have scans in mid April and again in mid July. It worries me to plan a trip before mid April (to be taken before mid July) because I am afraid it will jinx my scan results. Pretty stupid, huh? I just need to get a history of good scan results so I will not be so paranoid each time, but I think it may be a while before I get there.
I am home for the next couple of weeks with no overnight trips for work. I am so behind in doing things around here, and I am still pretty exhausted when I get home from work. Usually I will lay down for about 30 minutes and I can bounce back a bit, but I am very frustrated that I do not have my energy levels back. Mind you, before I got sick, I was operating at WARP speed most of the time so I am not sure I will ever get back there again. I am not sure I even want to, but I do need a little more ummph!
My stupidity is still haunting me. My arm is still bothering me from my dumb fall on the tennis court last week. I am finally going to go to the doctor in Friday and let them xray it. I am sure it is just probably sprain, and I just need to immobilize it or something to heal. I just want to kick myself for being so dumb and trying to run in shoes not meant for that. I just didn't think which Bob says I do a lot! Or I try to multi-task too much, and I am just not able to juggle that well.
We are going to the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island in a couple of weeks for a work sales trip I won (see-- good in bed). Bob gets to go too, so I am really looking forward to that. Now I need new spring clothes since none of my old ones fit. I have gained about 6 or so pounds back and am trying to get that off. I have given away most of my old clothes, so I have to stay this weight. I need to buy a bathing suit, but the back my leg looks awful from surgery and radiation. I can always get one with a skirt I suppose or keep a cover up on till I lay down. I really think swimming would be good for me, but I just don't want anyone to see my leg. Heck, I do not even look at it. I have not looked at the scar from my lung surgery yet either, but I could tell from my OBGYN it is not a pretty sight. I know being bashed up is a small price to pay after all of this but with spring and summer coming clothes are revealing a little more than I'd like. I am used to last year, just wearing boxer shorts and tee shirts or pjs the entire time. It is fun to buy new clothes but the "scar" factor is a pain to deal with. I know I can have plastic surgery for the mess left by the port fiasco, but I am just not ready to have anyone cut on me for elective surgery right now. All this is really minor in the great scheme of things, but it is just something else to deal with.
All in all, life is good and we are getting back to normal as best we can. My friend Angela gave me a magnet that says "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine" so I just keep trying to remember that!
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