As expected

I felt pretty good when I left Dr. Miller's office today, but now I have had a little too much time to think, and I have scared myself a bit. Let me explain. Dr. Miller said the nodule had to come out, as expected. He said it is more defined than the ones I had before, which makes it really look like sarcoma. However, he did say that last time - but was even more emphatic this time. I think he did not want me to have any false expectations that this could just be an infection again. I asked him if there were just some people prone to having spots on their lungs in general (not sarcoma) or anyone who had spots on more than one occasion that were not sarcoma. He reminded me there is only one other sarcoma patient he has had in the last 20 years where the spot on the lung was not sarcoma, so there were not repeat customers like that. Maybe I can set a new trend? He really gave me no hope for that. I won't let that stop me from trying.

For the good news - it is small and slow growing. He encouraged me to go ahead and go to England and plan on surgery the first week in August. They will call me Monday to schedule.
He will do another CT scan before then to see what it looks like then and if there are any more. I am hoping it will have gotten smaller like last timem bit highly unlikely! I hate to be negative, but I really don't want to set myself up for dissapointment. I also have to have another drug induced stress test for my heart and lung capacity test before the surgery. It will be a thorchotomy again; no scope. When I told him that Doc O indicated he may be able to scope he looked at me like I was crazy. He said it was way to low in the lung for that, and he would show it to me to prove it if I wanted him to. I told him that I trusted him and that perhaps Doc O better stick to legs. As long as everything remains the same and no other nodules, the incision should be smaller than last time since, he does not have to go to two parts of my lung. Recovery about 3 weeks. Pretty much everything the same as before except I am healthier going in (no recent chemo, radiation, etc) and a smaller cut, only one chest tube. They will give me an epidural that will stay in for a few days. That keeps me from feeling the chest tube which I understand can be pretty miserable. Last time I mainly hurt from being propped up on my left shoulder during surgery. It was really miserable, because they could not give me other pain medicine. You get the epidural for the chest tube pain, but it is so localized it did not reach up and extend to the shoulder pain. And, you can't get pain meds on top of the epidural. While I am grateful for the epidural, I just remembered how jittery it made me. My hands were shaking so badly, I could not hold a glass without using both hands. Also I could not walk without a walker. But soon after they took it out, that all went away.

One thing that is almost funny now but it petrified me then - they gave me some Benedryl on top of sleeping pills to help me sleep. I had a main line into my neck where there was an IV and that is how I got meds. They gave me the Benedryl this way, and it took affect within 90 seconds or so. I was so shocked at how drowsey I felt so quickly, I thought I was having a stroke. My mouth got so dry, and I could not get words out. Cindy was there with me, and after we realized what was going on, we did laugh about my reaction. I slept really well, but I will never do that again. From that point on, all my Benedryl was oral!

I asked about after treatment and this is the most bothersome part. If the tumor is high grade, then I may have to have more chemo. We won't know that until surgery and they do the biopsy. But as my friend Karen says. "Don"t bleed till you get shot!" Also I keep telling myself that "chemo is my friend". And what a bitch she is! My leg tumor was more that 99% dead when they took it out. No one knows whether it was chemo or radiation that killed it, but something did. There are others where that treatment had no effect, so I should be glad to know my cancer can be killed off. Yet the idea of chemo again, does terrify me. But I am going to try not to bleed just yet.

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my family reunion in Birminghams, mytrip to England, try to wrap up some big exciting things I have going on at work, play some tennis, and get some things done around the house. Poor Bob, and the rest of my family. They will be back to waiting on me hand and foot, and worrying about me all the time. I wish there was something I could do about that. I have not even made up for all everyone had to do for me the last time, and here I go again being all needy. That is really the worst part of it all. It is harder on everyone else than it is on me. So I am back to depending on all of you for support and prayers again. It worked last time!

I will keep you posted as soon as I have dates. I hope to see or talk to many of you before then. Thanks so much for keeping up with me, and keeping me in your thoughts.
Love,
Geri