A human time bomb

A human time bomb is what I feel I am right now. However, I feel fine. Today is the day my fever usually goes up and if I can keep it under 100.5 and my white count is ok tomorrow I can stay out of the hospital. All day long my fever was way below normal in the 98.2 range. About 4pm it got to 98.6 (normal) and now at 5:18 it is 99.2 -- still nothing much but rising for no reason I can determine. I feel fine--been working most of the day. I had IV fluids for way too long this afternoon, but I know I still need to drink more. They really don't want you to use fever reducing products (much) because that becomes an artificial measurement and they can't tell if you are really sick. However, I did take one pill with some Tylenol in it (the fluids always give me a headache) so the 99.2 may be slightly low. I hate being this paranoind when I feel fine but this chemo does strange things to your body.

Just know this - when I ended up in the hospital last time for 5 days I told the internist that I had one chemo treatment left. I asked him if I should even consider not taking it knowing that again I could end up in the hospital and maybe it was just too much for my body. He rephrased my question and said "You are asking me what kind of hit did your body take as a result of your last chemo treatment? None at all." Even though I was there for 5 days it was preventative because my white count was low and I had fever. When he first came into my room the first day, he ask why I was in the hospital and I told him "I had no idea? " I felt fine. Now after being there a few days with them waking you up all night, wound vac on one side, IV on the other, you start feeling a little sicker! I tell you this just as a precaution. If I do end up back in the hospital again, it can be as a preventative measure. I am feeling a little optimistic still because I have been taking antibiotics, so I am hopeful my fever will stop rising and the white count will be acceptable. I am still tired but heck I am always tired! More than anything I am sick of being in this bed, and I am so close to a clean get-away I can almost taste it!

We have Nurse Kathy coming at 7am and with a little luck I'll have a few more days without the wound vac. I surely don't want to be in hospital again with the wound vac. In fact, she always checks my temperature so I think if I have more than the magical number 100.5 I will have to just talk her our of the wound vac if she is so inclined. She is a reasonable person. None-the-less, I will pack an overnight bag just in case. At least this time I would be a "direct admit" to the hospital and not have to go to the ER. That is huge and certainly the worse part of the whole deal.

I have been hybernating for a week now and staying away from just about everybody but Syd, Mitzi and Bob. All of them (except Bob) sat in a chair on the other side of the room -- and Syd even wore a mask since she is a Guidance Counselor in an elementary school and around snotty nosed kids all days. Cindy was coming today but she's been running fever too. She has been such a trooper -- been here for every "week after chemo" and surgery and it is killing her to not be here now. She just went to have blood work to see if she has an infection, so I know she is still going to try to come if she does not, but she does not need to do so. Last timeI had a little hair and she was great getting me shampooed and cleaned up in the hospital everyday among other things. With her there the nurses did not really bother ,so it was important. Good thing I have no hair and can just run a washcloth over my head with a slight amount of shampoo. I will miss her company but it is just not good for her to be here if she has something.

So on a good note, I am dreaming of next week. I start feeling better, can get out more, drive a little -- maybe even get my nails done. And hopefully it only gets better from there. This morning when I could not sleep I started planning all the things I was going to pack up to move partially back into my office (cube) at work. I will probably work out of both places -- home, office and when I am really rolling, 90% in my car. Also I had decided at this morning, I was going to try on old clothes today-- particularly this one dress I wore to a party my family gave Bob and me in Birmingham after we got married. I loved the dress, but it could have looked better. I weighed a good bit more then so it has to look great now. Amazing I have an 8 1/2 year old dress I still like, but by gosh I am going to find some dressy party to wear it too just cuz I can --even if I give it myself. Now, if I have to alter it much--all bets are off. It is time for a new wardrobe anyway. By the way, I have some pretty nice stuff that is too big now that I need to give away. So if you are looking for some slightly used new digs, call me. It is closet cleaning time! In fact, I am going to go try that dress on right now!