Countdown to scans

December 12 is the date of my next scans, both leg and lungs, and the fear is already back. When you have scans every three months, you are barely getting over the joy of clean ones, before you start fearing the next set coming up. If I stay "clean" until July, then they will only look at me every 6 months. I hear from other patients you can relax for a little while longer on the 6 month recall. I hope that is true. Of course I am at the point when I feel an ache from a deep breath or in my leg, I think the sarcoma is back. When I have scans, I am always certain that "this" time they won't be clean. You cannot imagine the amazing relief when they are, but is it hard to not keep prepping youself for they day when they won't be. I am pretty sure I won't be prepped for that no matter how much practice I get. I still am in a little bit of denial that this whole thing every really happened to me anyway. And every day I get further and further away from that awful 2007, it seems like an eternity ago. It was just about a year ago when I came home from the hospital after lung surgery, a pretty miserable experience, and yet probably the happiest day of my life to find out it was not sarcoma in my lungs.

I went to the support group again last night. While being there scares me to death when I see all the new folks in treatment, or the ones where the sarcoma came back again and again, I do think I like going there. Last night I met a man who had the sarcoma in his chest - and since then he has had it removed from his lungs, 3 times - all since 2004. He has had surgery every year, and yet he keeps moving on with his life. The friend I met from my first meeting, Virginia, who recently lost her leg to sarcoma (from the knee), got good reports on her scans. But for Virgina, a"good report" means the cancer that has already spread to her lungs, and is inoperable, has not spread further. She is a delightful, adorable, warm loving woman with incredible spirit - the kind of person you warm up to within minutes. She is a great role model. And there is this older man, with an unusal name that I cannot remember, who always hangs around with us a little and is so upbeat and kind. The other person I have gotten to know a little, Ned, probably in his early 30's is the ring leader of the group. He is the one who got this whole support group started. He sells real estate in "real" life, but when I hear all he does to support our effort and even tries to help Emory raise money for sarcoma research, I wonder how he has the time to work at all. The thing is, that while I went to this group thinking I might be able to help someone else, as it turns out, they are helping me. I realize how lucky I am that it has not come back, but they do remind me, if it does, you can get through it.

I know this probably all sounds pretty depressing, but while I am fearful, I am not depressed -maybe a little anxious but only when I stop long enough to really think about it. Fortunately, work is keeping me incredible busy. I have a lot of things to do to wrap up 2008 and prepare for 2009. If I really kick in and get some stuff done, I can leave for Christmas in England, all caught up, hopefully healthy and ready to enjoy the holiday. Things are good, in spite of all the crazy things happening in the world right now. I have tried to do little Christmas shopping. I love being able to complain about it, because last year I could not even do any of it. What a great problem to have!

I've told you our busy plans for Thanksgiving, and then on to England for Christmas in prior blogs so I will not bore you with that again. I am ready to get past December 12 and whatever it brings and enjoy the holidays. I promise to get back with you when we get scan results in a few weeks.

Have a wonderful, healthy Thanksgiving.

All is well - still

Just a quick note to tell you all is well... still. Life is pretty normal - working long hours and loving it, playing a little tennis and get a little better (slowly however) and loving driving around with the top down now that is finally fall!

I did go back to the Sarcoma Support Group a couple of weeks ago. It was a smaller group, more positive and a much better experience. While most there had reoccurrances, they were handling it well and so very positive, so it was much more enlightening than depressing, as my first experience had been. I will go back next month if I am able.

We reschedule my next scans for December 12 to work within our trip to England for the holidays. Bob will go on December 15, and I will follow him a few days later. Like always, I am anxious about scheduling this trip only days after scans and worried about what I will do if the scans are not good. Even if the scans show something, we would not schedule treatment or surgery before the holidays anyway. But I am or course scared of the emotional side of the whole thing, and how I will handle it all. I know regardless, I would want to make this trip so we scheduled it and both excited about being in England for the holidays.

We will spend Thanksgiving with all my family (and there are usually a ton of us- 50 to 80 relatives) in Birmingham. Then, we will move on to Tuscaloosa for the Alabama-Auburn game. I can't help but remembering where I was this time last year. On October 15, 2007, or so, DocO found 2 spots on my lung that he and my lung surgeon felt were a reoccurance of the sarcoma. I had lung surgery on November 15 and was released from the hospital the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It truly was a miracle (that the spots were an inflamation and not cancer), and I know how lucky and blessed I am. I was pretty uncomfortable for a while, but all ended well. And I was back at work on Christmas Eve!

I can't believe how 2008 has just flown by. In January, it will be two years since my diagnosis. I have come so far in the last 12 months, all with the incredible support of great family and friends. I think they will continue to scan me every 3 months till July, and they may move to 6 month intervals after that. I guess I am pretty supersticious because I am afraid if I quit blogging, the cancer will come back. So I guess I will just blog away forever, even if it is boring (I just love boring!) and there are no readers. I am going to really try to keep this up at least once a month, so if you check in on me from time to time, I will be out here. Hopefully, there will be no news to report, and this will be the dullest thing you ever read!

Another year

Yesterday I turned 54. I have never been so happy to get old! Last year, I spent my birthday getting two units of blood and fluids. This year I played tennis, drove around in my new convertible (not far, no gas here in Atlanta), went shopping for new fall clothes, openned presents, and had dinner and football with friends. Last year, getting that blood, along with the incredible support from my family and friends, enabled me to be able to celebrate a great birthday this year. Every day is one to celebrate, but yesterday really was special!
P.S. Bama beating Georgia only had a little to do with it!

Great news great scans

After a few sleepless nights, I got great news today. My lung CT scans looked great. What a relief. I go through this every three months. A couple of weeks before I know I have scans, every ache in my body terrifies me. I just knew today I would have spots on my lungs. How, for once, I love being wrong! DocO said I would continue to have scans every three months for 2 years. He asked me today if he had given me a tee shirt yet. I told him I thought you did not get the shirt till you were "clean" and cancer free for 2 years (sounds like it is a 12-step AA program!). He was surprised we had not been together for 2 years yet. With all the wound vac issues, lung scare last year, he thought he had "known" me forever. I just can't wait to get the shirt! If I stay "clean" till next July 16, the shirt is mine! I will just wear it out, and it will be my most prized possession. Bob should really get one too, as he has lived this every day as well. All day long after the visit, I just kept saying "Oh yea!"

We are celebrating by meeting our friend Angela in Navarre Beach tomorrow, for a long weekend. I have not been to the gulf, my favorite place on earth, in almost 2 years. I just can't wait!

I have tennis lessons tonight - one of my other favorite places to be! I have been playing on Saturdays for a little bit. I am not ready for a 3 hour 3 set match yet, but every day gets a little better! I am still working a lot and loving it. I whine a little about having too much to do and too little time, but nothing could be better.

This Saturday, Sept 20, will be one year from my last chemo treatment! This year has just flown by so quickly. I can't believe my hair has been growing for a year! It is still pretty short (and I will keep it that way) and very curly, much to my dismay. Somehow, I have less gray than I did before, but I am sure that will change. I know I am causing a lot of folks to get more gray hair!

The sarcoma support group is meeting tonight, and I do want to try going to that again at some point. It was a little depressing for me last time because I saw so many patients that had reoccurances. I am in too good of a mood to mess that up. I will opt for my tennis lesson tonight instead and go to support group next month.

Life is good! Take care!

a little update

Two years ago this would not be news at all but it is huge to me! I actually played tennis twice this weekend! On Saturday we played just for an hour as I was scared to commit to anything longer not knowing when I would run out of gas. We played for two hours today, only quitting because someone else had to leave. I could have gone a little longer I think. So I am ready to commit to my regular Saturday friendly match again and get back into the routine. I still have a lot of work to do on my game, and I am not racing to get to any balls yet. But so far so good!

We had fun at the Ga Dome at the Bama-Clemson game on Saturday. Football and tennis -- life is pretty good!

A milestone

Today is a day I have been waiting for. I took my first tennis lesson with my team for the first time in about 22 months! In fact, it was this time 2 years ago I first found that little knot in my leg. I continued to play regularly and take lessons until I was too uncomfortable that December 2006. But I am all past that now and back to pretty much a regular routine.

I have a bit of work to do on my game. I had some decent shots but no consistency -- not that I had a lot to begin with! I am still a little hesitant to run after the ball, so I need just more practice and a bit more confidence. That will come with time, I hope. I am ready to try to go back and play my regular Saturday "friendly" match with Susan, Loree and Paula if they will have me. This really is a milestone for me, and I am so excited to be back in them game from many aspects of my life.

I've got scans again in a couple of weeks - Sept 17. These will just be on my lungs. We are going to the beach the next day for a long weekend, and I am really excited about that and visiting with our friend Angela.

I am back in physical therapy working on some stuff with my leg and hip and my left shoulder. I think it all stems from the surgeries, scar tissue and being inactive for so long. It is going well, and I made it through tennis practice without any aches or injuries! Work is great, and I feel like I am pretty much caught up - as much as I can be. There were so many new things to learn and for so long, chemo really affected my ability to concentrate. I think I am past that now, and I can't blame too much more on "chemo brain". No more excuses now!

I hope you all have a nice long Labor Day weekend. We have Cindy and Clyde coming for the first part of the weekend, and we are all going to the Alabama-Clemson football game at the Georgia Dome. Then they "check out" and friend Imo will be here for the rest of the weekend Michael, Michelle, Landon and Elise were here last weekend and that was fun. It is so great to have company coming to visit, and it is NOT because they are here to help take care of me! We just get to visit and have fun. Life is good!

We're back and alls well

We got back from England on Thursday night. My two weeks there flew by, and while I am always happy to come home, the trip was just too short. We had a great time with Bob's Mom, kids, sister & brother-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts,uncles cousins and close friends. We spent a lot of time visiting, and it was great to catch up with folks. Even though we were just there at the end of the year, that whole trip was sort of a blur for me. You probably remember, I was just a few weeks out of lung surgery, so I did not have much energy then. And while I am still not running marathons, I am so much better than I was 6 months ago. I was really able to enjoy this trip, and since all the test and scans I had just prior were good, that made it even better.

When I blogged a few weeks ago I had been kind of down because of the Sarcoma Support group I went to and all the patients that were there because they'd had reoccurances. Before I left, I went to see Dr. Saba, my chemo oncologist, just for a follow-up. We had the best talk I think we'd ever had. In the past, our discussions were pretty much just him relaying tests results, treatment plans, pretty detailed clinical stuff. This time we had a chance to talk about how I was feeling emotionally and my concern about reoccurance and the support group. He was very encouraging and positive about how my treament had gone and prognosis. While he can't promise me anything, he made me have a lot less fear about the whole thing. I thought this was really strange and had never thought about things this way- he said, "You really had a tough time with the chemo and that probably means the cancer did too." He seemed to think that meant the chemo really attacked the cancer. Also, as I keep reminding myself, the tumor was "more than 99% " dead when they removed it. Something killed it (either chemo, radiation or both) before it left my body. I guess that means the chances that a live cell escaped and is still out there are not as great. So I am going with this and keeping a positive attitude. Doc Saba also told me to not go to the support group if it was getting me down. I want to go to one more of the meetings and see how it goes. My whole intent was to be able to do something for others, and I am not ready to give up on that yet. So I will go the August meeting and go from there. By the way, July 16 was my surgery anniversary! So it has been a whole year since that nasty tumor has been out of my body. My last chemo day was Sept 20, so I have until Sept 20, 2008, to continue to blame any stupid thing I do (and there are a lot!) on "chemo brain". They say that lasts about a year. After that, the stupid stuff is just me!

Bob and I both still have a little jet lag. We are crashing early and waking up a bit early. Actually, I hope we stay in this mode a bit. We both have some "night owl" tendancies, especially Bob. He usually has a later start to his day, and it is really hard for me to get going when he is not up and moving. Funny though - when we got back from England I told him I was going to really enforce the "last person out of the bed makes it up"rule, and he has gotten up before me every day since we've been back. I think we really both get up because we are hungry. If we sleep till 7am our body thinks its lunchtime, and we are usually starving at breakfast. Each day seems to get a little better, so I think we will be back on schedule by Monday. I am traveling most of this week,so I need to get back into my regular routine.

I will try to keep blogging every couple of weeks. No scans till Sept 17. I go back probably next week to followup on my bloodpressure problem but I think things are going ok with that. Thanks for checking up on me!