I am fine - but a disappointing day!

I did my part but the system failed me! I got to chemo 10 minutes early, but it seems Mondays are a busy day. By the time they got to me, accessed my port (which took 5 or 6 stabs to find- more info than you want to know), drew blood and got it to the lab, the lab was "down". I am not sure what that means but I think it has something to do with their automation systems. Sometime after 11, when they still could not get my lab results which they need before starting chemo, they decided to send me home. Since my chemo requires 7.5 hours, it was too late to start for today, so will be in chemo Tues -Fri vs Monday - Thurs. It really did not change much for me except it is one more day we will have to drive downtown in rush hour, and my assigned driver for the afternoon (I have my own Dept of Transportation), friend Rosanne, will pick me up on Friday instead. It did allow me to participate in my afternoon conference call without interruption from anyone poking me with needles and gave me one more day of feeling pretty good -- good enough to cook dinner so I had better get on with it! Bob's hungry!

It is the strangest things that get you!

Every time I would lather up and scrub my hair in the shower today, a handful came out. There was a lot on the bathroom floor too, so it was perfect timing for "wig day" today. The place I went, The Women's Place Boutique at Northside Hospital, could not have been more lovely, warm and caring. They have all sorts of things for women with all kinds of issues (from nursing mothers to cancer patients). They are not a "wig store" but more like an elegant service. Working with me was one of their staff people as well as a "stylist", who owns his own salon, but comes there 2 days a week to help style and color wigs. David, my stylist, who is probably in his mid 30's, had a friend 10 years earlier who had cancer and was with her when her hair started falling out. He helped her pick out a wig, cut and colored it for her and has been doing this on the side ever since.

There is a lot to buying a wig. The cap seems to be the critical issue in both comfort and cost. Then, of course whether you go for synthetic or human hair, is a price driving factor. The human hair wigs start at $2000 and go to $4000. I did not get one of them. Bob has yet to ask me what I spent. We tried on several - first finding the right cap, then looking for style and color. I was shocked to find I would not walk out with a wig today. It usually takes 2 to 3 visits as they don't keep a ton in stock, and then the wig has to be styled. They rearranged some things so I can get mine Friday afternoon, and I guess David will cut and style it then.

Of course I have agency appointments starting tomorrow , so I was a little anxious going on business calls with a hat and no hair. I had no choice but to go ahead have them cut my hair off there at the boutique. I did not shave it, so it is about 1/8 of an inch long. You can really see how much gray hair you have when it is that short. I just could not watch and I had to face Mitzi while they were buzzing it. I did glance to the side and could see it all. It really was not that shocking. After the cut, she washed my head and showed me some things I should do every day. Then we spent about 45 minutes looking at some hats, caps etc. It is a good thing I have a pretty face! Now I am really going to have to do the make up and fab earring thing! On a good note, they did not think I would lose my eyebrows and lashes for awhile, but told me not to use mascara or tug on them!

I was fine with all of that. I left the hospital with a headband and a white baseball cap with the breast cancer logo on it that I sent to sister Lisa when she was going though chemo. Now she is sharing it with me. I just pray that we do not have to pass it on to any other sister. Mitzi and I grabbed some lunch quickly, and then I was off to Publix, and back home to work. All of a sudden I had a sort of a mini melt down in the Publix parking lot just for about 3 minutes. I had been around strangers all day and that was not a problem. I knew I would probably run into people I knew at Publix, and I was okay with that. I had all this anxiety about running into people I "sort of knew" who did not know what was going on. I've told you I am in Publix all the time. I do my banking there and also use it as my pharmacy, as well as buy groceries. While a few people know me by name, many know my face. All I could think about now was that I was going to see these "not so" strangers, and, as soon as they saw me in my cap, their thought was going to be "Oh! She has cancer." I've done it a million times myself, so I know it is true. That "Oh!", although silent, is deafening. I know I am the same person I was 2 months ago before this all started, but I did feel as if these people were going to be thinking differently of me now. I don't know why that bothered me so much. The fact of the matter is I am really flattering myself if I think they really thought about me for more than about 5 seconds. So I tried to start thinking a little more logically and went into the store. No one I "knew" waited on me, although they were close by. Like a coward, I avoided eye contact with those I did "know", and hopefully next visit I will be a little more mature and reasonable.

I continue to get so many wonderfully loving and supportive emails from you. Just know, I can't "reply " to them from the comments section. It does not know your email address. But please know I so appreciate them all and will reply when I can if I have your email address in other places.

Much better ending

Last night my fever got above the warning number of 100.5. It would go up a 10th of a point or two and then down. I thought I might have a sinus infection. I was scared to go sleep without calling the hotline so finally, when it hung in around 100.6 for awhile, I called in. My Dr. told me to come in first thing in the morning to run some tests (there went the wig appointment). Evidently when I was there for my last appointment on Wednesday ( 2/14 ) my white count was at an all time low of 1.1, which is where it should have been after chemo. Before I got today's tests back, he told me that if the white count had not improved he would just admit me to the hospital and give me IV antibiotics till the infection cleared. I had no idea I was in for that. I had driven myself to the clinic for the first time, and was in shock. About 30 minutes later he came in and said my numbers were great with my white count at 9.1, good even for a person not undergoing chemo. He gave me a prescription for the sinus infection and said I was free to go! I celebrated by going to Publix for the first time on about 2 weeks. There is the perception amongst some people in my family and neighborhood that I visit Publix every day. It is probably close to being true. But this was by far my happiest visit there ever!

Low energy day

While I can't say anything really hurt, I was really tired today. Got work done, but not at the pace I had hoped for. I ran some fever last night, but did not get past the dangerous level. These are expected to be my low threshold days, and I can see that now; however, I have overdone it a bit this week so I may be paying for it today. All in all though, not too bad!

New eyebrows today! Go figure!