Still rocking along

So far things are still going well. I was out overnight two nights last week for work and it was good. I have been drivng so much -- about 700 miles per week the last few and I find sitting in the car is more comfortable than at my desk. I am having to adjust to staying at a hotel again by myself after having a year of not being away from Bob. But I just get on my laptop, do a little work and watch TV. Being at home is much better, but it is nice occasionally to not have to think about what we are having for dinner. I usually just pick it up somewhere and take it back to my hotel room. With American Idol back on that keeps me occupied for a couple of hours anyway. Anyway work is fun, and I am loving getting back to see folks I have not seen in so long. The only thing is so far, I had a better sales year last year when I was stuck in bed than I am doing making face to face visits! I just keep saying " I told you I was good in bed!". I am not ready to go back there however. My numbers do keep getting a little better every week, and I think the more I travel things will improve. The numbers are good -- just not like last year! I am the worst about puting pressure on myself, and my expectations are pretty high. But that is what motivates me and keeps me going. I would really hate it if I did not care this much! I cannot imagine working in a job you do not like. I have been so lucky!

I have an appoinment (3 month check up) with my lung surgeon in mid March. They will x-ray then, I assume to observe his handiwork and how I am healing. Then I have a chest CT in April that I will continue to have every 3 months for a few years at least. I do feel like I am living my life in three month intervals. It does not affect me day to day, but it does come into my thoughts when I am trying to do some "long range" planning. Of course "long range" is about 4 months for me! I was thinking about when we might go back to England this summer. I'll have scans in mid April and again in mid July. It worries me to plan a trip before mid April (to be taken before mid July) because I am afraid it will jinx my scan results. Pretty stupid, huh? I just need to get a history of good scan results so I will not be so paranoid each time, but I think it may be a while before I get there.

I am home for the next couple of weeks with no overnight trips for work. I am so behind in doing things around here, and I am still pretty exhausted when I get home from work. Usually I will lay down for about 30 minutes and I can bounce back a bit, but I am very frustrated that I do not have my energy levels back. Mind you, before I got sick, I was operating at WARP speed most of the time so I am not sure I will ever get back there again. I am not sure I even want to, but I do need a little more ummph!

My stupidity is still haunting me. My arm is still bothering me from my dumb fall on the tennis court last week. I am finally going to go to the doctor in Friday and let them xray it. I am sure it is just probably sprain, and I just need to immobilize it or something to heal. I just want to kick myself for being so dumb and trying to run in shoes not meant for that. I just didn't think which Bob says I do a lot! Or I try to multi-task too much, and I am just not able to juggle that well.

We are going to the Ritz Carlton at Amelia Island in a couple of weeks for a work sales trip I won (see-- good in bed). Bob gets to go too, so I am really looking forward to that. Now I need new spring clothes since none of my old ones fit. I have gained about 6 or so pounds back and am trying to get that off. I have given away most of my old clothes, so I have to stay this weight. I need to buy a bathing suit, but the back my leg looks awful from surgery and radiation. I can always get one with a skirt I suppose or keep a cover up on till I lay down. I really think swimming would be good for me, but I just don't want anyone to see my leg. Heck, I do not even look at it. I have not looked at the scar from my lung surgery yet either, but I could tell from my OBGYN it is not a pretty sight. I know being bashed up is a small price to pay after all of this but with spring and summer coming clothes are revealing a little more than I'd like. I am used to last year, just wearing boxer shorts and tee shirts or pjs the entire time. It is fun to buy new clothes but the "scar" factor is a pain to deal with. I know I can have plastic surgery for the mess left by the port fiasco, but I am just not ready to have anyone cut on me for elective surgery right now. All this is really minor in the great scheme of things, but it is just something else to deal with.

All in all, life is good and we are getting back to normal as best we can. My friend Angela gave me a magnet that says "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine" so I just keep trying to remember that!